Bad News, Good News...and Very Good News!

Well....I fell off the proverbial wagon again, but this time I had a lot of help, in the form of Plantar Fasciitis (Bad News).  Long story short...the pain in my feet was caused by tiny tears in the Achilles tendon, which wraps underneath the length of the foot.  Pretty much the result of too much weight, not enough stretching, and years of crappy shoes.

I walked through a lot of pain, but it finally became unbearable, so I went to the Dr., who put me on a diet of rest, good shoes, stretches, and meds, in that order.  He warned me that healing would be a slow process, and he was right.  But I *am* healing, and that's what's important. 

So yeah...I derailed again.  But I'm all better now, and ready to get 'er done! (Good News)

This time, though, I have help in the form of a big group of friends who are all In This Together (Very Good News). We have all linked up to MyFitnessPal to give each other support, and are planning to wage all-out war starting on January 5th.  We decided that starting any sooner with the holidays upon us would be a recipe for disaster.  I do understand that at some point I have to grow up and learn to deal with the holidays, but I also know that for all my walking knowledge, I still haven't learned how to crawl.

So....baby steps, here I come.  Again.

The important thing is not to give up....right?

One Decade Down...Nine To Go

I started this particular journey on May 27th, although I didn't have my phone that day, so I didn't actually start tracking anything online until a few days later.  According to www.myfitnesspal.com, I am now on a 41 day streak of logging in.  And this week, although I registered a 2.5 lb loss, I have hit my first major wall.

This week, I have had a serious struggle with my exercise.  Up until this week, it was very easy.  I was highly motivated, and looked forward to getting my hour in each day. But something happened on Sunday.  It was a turning point for me, somehow.  Sunday was the first day I made a DECISION not to exercise.

I justified it..or tried to...by saying that I 'deserved' a break, after so many days with a perfect score.
Warning bells began tolling furiously in my brain, but I did not heed them. After all...it was just one little day.  Surely it couldn't be THAT bad....

Could it?

I decided to compensate by upping my game this week, from one hour each day to four miles each day, since I've been averaging a little over 3 miles anyway.  I figured it was a natural progression.  But something happened when I did that....not sure what, but it was like a light switched on in my head and all of a sudden, my body/mind/spirit put on the brakes, big time.

All of a sudden, walking became a HUGE chore. One I did NOT want to do.  I battled on Monday...got two miles in (barely), swore I'd finish that afternoon....but made excuses (too many errands to run).  Tuesday, I got rained out during my afternoon walk, and only made about 2.7 miles. I could have done it that morning, and been done, but I procrastinated all day.  Wednesday, I got my four, but barely, and I really had to battle myself. 

Now it's Thursday, and I need to get up and go right now, but here I sit, wondering what the hell has happened....and for God's sake, why?

Oh, I recognize this, all right.  It happens at some point each and every time I start to get myself together, without fail.  Usually, it's the point where I slide completely off the wagon, and go back to my old ways, grumbling about ANOTHER failed attempt.

This time, it's just really pissing me off. WHY is this happening?  And what can I do about it, other than fight like hell and pray it passes?  Nothing, I guess.  This seems to be MUCH more a mental block than a physical one. If I could just understand what's going on in my head, I feel like I could get a better handle on getting through it.  But....*sigh*....I think it may just be different for every person, which means the answer must be, too.

Guess I'll go get my first mile in, now...and pray for motivation for the rest of the day.

Just Checkin' In....

So...I'm feeling pretty good about where I am right now.  No, I haven't 'blown the charts away' with my massive weight loss, but I've hit my goal, and to me that's MUCH more important.

No...my goal has nothing to do with my weight.  Does that surprise you? It surprised me.

My goal for the past month has been to log my calories faithfully every day, and to be active every day for an hour.  And I have hit my goal.  So far, I've logged my food every day since June 2nd, and I've gotten at LEAST an hour's exercise (mostly walking, but a lot of hiking, and even a little running, too) every day but ONE.  And I think that's pretty awesome.

My weight, by consequence, is creeping (and I do mean creeping) down.  Interestingly enough, I haven't really been focusing on that aspect of it, and it seems to be making my life so much easier.  My focus is to hit my daily goals, and by biting off that tiny bit each day, I'm making strides as a whole. 

Reports of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

I am ashamed to see that it has been almost a year since I've posted anything to this blog.  In that time, I must have started a new plan (or the same one), stopped, and started again over a dozen times...and still managed to gain back everything I'd lost and then some...achieving my highest weight ever, in the process.

270.  That's Two Hundred and Seventy Freaking Pounds.

OMG.

Having just celebrated my 51st birthday on Memorial Day, I spent the day contemplating this dilemma...how I've spent so many years doing the exact same thing...butting my head against an invisible brick wall, seemingly to no avail.  And all the while, chanting the mantra in my head that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again, but expecting different results.

What I haven't thought of, though....and what did occur to me that day (which I can only describe as a tiny breakthrough)...is where I would be today had I NOT started over again, and again, and again.  The answer to that riddle terrifies me to the core.  If our struggles help us to grow strong, maybe....just maybe....what keeps us going is not the start/completion of a goal, but our refusal to give in to the temptation to stop trying.

And consequently, I have decided that I will begin yet again....and tomorrow, I will do it over....and the day after that, and the day after that.  Each day will be a new beginning.  Instead of looking at each diet or fad as a new 'attempt', I will look at the day in front of me and make it the best day I can possibly make it.

So far, I have managed by this way of thinking (and with the help of two wonderful phone apps, myfitnesspal.com and endomondo.com)  to stay true to my goals for over a week, and miracle of miracles, shed 7.5 pounds in the process.

I'm not going to add undue pressure by trying to blog every day, as I have in the past.  Maybe I'll only check in occasionally, when I weigh in, or feel so inclined.  I don't know.  But I do know that right now, I'm feeling pretty guilt-free....and that feels pretty damned good.