I am ashamed to see that it has been almost a year since I've posted anything to this blog. In that time, I must have started a new plan (or the same one), stopped, and started again over a dozen times...and still managed to gain back everything I'd lost and then some...achieving my highest weight ever, in the process.
270. That's Two Hundred and Seventy Freaking Pounds.
OMG.
Having just celebrated my 51st birthday on Memorial Day, I spent the day contemplating this dilemma...how I've spent so many years doing the exact same thing...butting my head against an invisible brick wall, seemingly to no avail. And all the while, chanting the mantra in my head that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again, but expecting different results.
What I haven't thought of, though....and what did occur to me that day (which I can only describe as a tiny breakthrough)...is where I would be today had I NOT started over again, and again, and again. The answer to that riddle terrifies me to the core. If our struggles help us to grow strong, maybe....just maybe....what keeps us going is not the start/completion of a goal, but our refusal to give in to the temptation to stop trying.
And consequently, I have decided that I will begin yet again....and tomorrow, I will do it over....and the day after that, and the day after that. Each day will be a new beginning. Instead of looking at each diet or fad as a new 'attempt', I will look at the day in front of me and make it the best day I can possibly make it.
So far, I have managed by this way of thinking (and with the help of two wonderful phone apps, myfitnesspal.com and endomondo.com) to stay true to my goals for over a week, and miracle of miracles, shed 7.5 pounds in the process.
I'm not going to add undue pressure by trying to blog every day, as I have in the past. Maybe I'll only check in occasionally, when I weigh in, or feel so inclined. I don't know. But I do know that right now, I'm feeling pretty guilt-free....and that feels pretty damned good.
