I Feel the Need...

September has always been a magical time for me.  There's a change in the air that is almost tangible.  Some of the most amazing things in my life have been borne on an invisible September breeze.  So it comes as no surprise, really, that my blood has started stirring, and I'm once again feeling the urge to start doing something, to start moving again. To feel the steady rhythm of the pavement pounding once again beneath my feet, carrying me away from all the stressful things in my life.

I'm not quite sure how, yet...but I am feeling that inevitable pull again, and I'm excited. For the first time in a very long time, my palms are itching to get started again.  But right now, I'm not quite sure as to what form that may take. I know what's worked for me in the past, and I know what hasn't. And I've learned enough from those experiences to know that I definitely don't want to repeat my mistakes again. 

So, this time, instead of planning things out and tackling it all head on, I think I'm going to take a more organic approach and just let this all develop on its own without me forcing it. I'll report whatever progress I make in whatever form that takes as often as I can...and we'll just see where the magical winds of September blow me. For now, I'd say just blogging two days in a row is quite an accomplishment.

Oh...and I did get my gym bag out of the back of my car.  That counts...right?

Some Days, I Wonder...

• ...if I can make it to work by the skin of my teeth without being late, even though the odds are totally not in my favor.

• ...if I can magically make all the projects stacked on my desk disappear without repercussion.

• ...if I can slide by one more day without stopping by the bank/post office/gas station/pharmacy on my way home.

• ...if I can figure out a way to make a healthy dinner without actually having to cook anything.

• ...if I will ever be able to stop writing 'new start' blog posts again.

The answer to all of these, of course, is 'probably not'. No matter how much I do or do not like it, life happens, and there are days when I'm going to be late, and overwhelmed by work, and just want to get home and have magic stuff happen....and many, many days when I'm going to have to recover from bad decisions.

Three years ago, I had an amazing year of health and wellness. But toward the end of that year, as successful as it was, I began struggling.  Really struggling. And as time wore on, it just kept getting worse and worse. I lost all my motivation, all my drive and determination.  Then I lost my energy.  Then my will.  And before I knew it, I was lost in a very deep hole, surrounded by a fogginess I've never experienced.  I couldn't concentrate, I wasn't capable of focusing or listening to people around me, and I became rude and snarly...completely against my personality. I didn't even realize I was doing it, until my family finally pointed it out.

That's when I decided to talk to my doctor. And boy, am I glad I did.  Turns out that all these issues I was experiencing are pretty par for the course for women my age. It's called 'menopause'. 

Yeah, that.

But 'that' was enough to completely derail me from my path.  No wonder I felt like I was fighting a losing battle...I was!  My doctor was able to prescribe something to help clear the fog and it's amazing the difference it has made in my life.  I am more focused, more able to concentrate, and I'm even starting to feel that old zest-for-life buzz in my veins I've been missing for so long.  It's exciting...and if I'm honest, a little scary, too....the thought of legitimately getting back out there and starting fresh yet again.  What if I fail again? What if I have to start over AGAIN again?

Well....I've had enough practice. I may suck at finishing stuff, but I'm a master at crossing start lines.

So...here's to yet another new beginning. :)