Weekend Wrap-Up and a Challenging Week Ahead

his past weekend went very well for us.  Although Keith had to work late Friday and all day Saturday, I took the time to clean and do stuff that is hard to do with him underfoot.  That gave me a great calorie burn on Saturday, and although I got very weak from forgetting to eat (!!!) on time, I did NOT go off-plan, and I managed to get all my water in, too. I'm very proud of that. 

I'm even prouder of the fact that although we both took the day off and just rested on Sunday, I stayed on plan all day then, too.  In fact, so far, I've managed to pretty much stay on track the entire week, with the exception of Monday...I did go over my calorie limit a wee bit, but every other day, I haven't even come close to my limit, so I didn't beat myself up over it. 

Advanced preparation is absolutely the key for me.  When I take the time to get it together for my day, I feel prepared, and I don't let things blindside me. I feel in control of my day, and am much less triggered by anything going on around me.  Case in point:  twice this past week, food has waltzed into my office, and neither time have I been interested in partaking.  That's a huge victory for me.

I've also stayed on track with my exercise...so far, I've only missed one day (Sunday), which was a planned rest day anyway.  I also count that as a major win.  The Tweetsie Trail has been truly beautiful, incredibly shady, and very welcoming. I've missed being out here like I can't even say, and I'm so very happy to be back. I seriously can't wait until I'm pounding it out again, but I'm really trying hard not to rush myself. I want to do this right...carefully...so as not to overtax my body, and right now, that means walking, not running.

This week, there is a lot of unrelated drama going on in our personal lives. That makes it hard to stay on track, so I know I'm going to be fighting the rest of the week to stay strong.  Tomorrow is weigh-in, and I know that there will be a loss, if due to nothing more than water loss.  But next week may tell a different story if I can't keep it together.  I mentioned before that it was all about preparation for me....my goal this week is to stay seriously focused on my goals, even if it means putting blinders on.

 

A Good Start

esterday went very well, as Day Ones go. I got up early, prepped my meals, stayed strictly on point with my eating all day, got my walking in, got my water in, went home, whipped up a decent little one-dish meal (still on point), and managed to finish well within my allotted calories.

It was a better than a good day, it was a great day. But I was exhausted by last night.  Staying on track all day took every bit of energy I had, and then some.  This makes me incredibly sad...to know that just standing at the sink washing up a few dishes is enough to make my feet hurt and my back groan.  Walking from my desk to my car in the afternoon gets me so winded that by the time I get behind the wheel, I'm blowing like a Derby winner.

I feel what my body is going through, how much it hates to move right now, and I remember how well it moved not that long ago....how much it craved moving, how strong it was.  I know that I am capable of doing that again, and so much more.  Yes, I am impatient to get back to that point, to get my life back on track again...but I got here, and I have to allow myself the time it will take to get back.  None of this is an easy process...gaining all this wasn't any easier than losing it was. In fact, it was much, much harder in many ways.  The stress I was under last year almost killed me.  I would have much preferred to be able to continue leaving work on time every day to hit the trail, to keep losing, to be more and more active in exploring the world around me.  But instead, I was strapped to the hamster wheel, and I lost so much more than the progress I had made....I almost lost myself.

Today, I thank God I am still here...alive and kicking.  Over the past two months, I did something long overdue...underwent a battery of testing to make sure that I was still fundamentally healthy, so that I wouldn't have any reason to doubt my body could handle the change in physical activity after doing so much damage to it this past year.  My doctor, thank God, gave me a clean bill of health and pronounced me sound enough to run as soon as I was able.  I am very, very thankful for that, and I don't intend to waste the opportunity I have to get back what I had.

Ups and Downs....and Ups.

Well, I did it. I fell off the wagon again. And this time, I did it GOOD. I can officially say that I weighed in this morning at my highest weight EVER...284.

Gawd, I can't believe I just wrote that number. How....HOW...could I have ever gotten that high again, after everything I went through to get it down?

I don't know, but I do know that I have never been more miserable than I am at this moment in time. I feel like I'm ten months pregnant with elephant twins....I'm actually waddling when I walk. Not acceptable. Not now, not ever.

So....I can either keep pissing and moaning about it, or I can get busy.  Last time I did this, I tried to do it with others.  That doesn't work for me, I know this from past experience, and that hasn't changed.  I need to do this alone to be successful. That doesn't mean that I can't do occasional meet-ups in the afternoon to walk or run. What it does mean is that I need to plan my day for MYSELF, and not try to work others into it. And then if they can go with me, and it's convenient for me, then I can and will. But if it's not convenient, then I need to take a hard pass and stay on track.

Many people don't do well without someone else to motivate them and hold their hand during the process.  I tend to be much better motivation than anyone else could be for me, and I honestly love the time I spend alone on the track or trail, because it gives me a chance to work with my inward self, if that makes sense...to block out the world and focus on me...what's going on inside. I can't do that if I'm focusing on others....it drowns out my inner voice.

That may sound all zen and crap, but I really don't mean it to. I just mean that I need to strap on my own oxygen mask before I can save others on the Fat Plane.

Today is a good day to start over. There is a 2k walk planned to start this morning here on station, and I have worn my running shoes in preparation.  Although I am far from running anywhere anytime soon, I'm pretty sure I've got it in me to waddle that far.  I've also managed to get up early this morning and prep all my food for the day, so I know that today will be a good day, because I've already planned it that way.

Every day should start like that.