Ups and Downs....and Ups.

Well, I did it. I fell off the wagon again. And this time, I did it GOOD. I can officially say that I weighed in this morning at my highest weight EVER...284.

Gawd, I can't believe I just wrote that number. How....HOW...could I have ever gotten that high again, after everything I went through to get it down?

I don't know, but I do know that I have never been more miserable than I am at this moment in time. I feel like I'm ten months pregnant with elephant twins....I'm actually waddling when I walk. Not acceptable. Not now, not ever.

So....I can either keep pissing and moaning about it, or I can get busy.  Last time I did this, I tried to do it with others.  That doesn't work for me, I know this from past experience, and that hasn't changed.  I need to do this alone to be successful. That doesn't mean that I can't do occasional meet-ups in the afternoon to walk or run. What it does mean is that I need to plan my day for MYSELF, and not try to work others into it. And then if they can go with me, and it's convenient for me, then I can and will. But if it's not convenient, then I need to take a hard pass and stay on track.

Many people don't do well without someone else to motivate them and hold their hand during the process.  I tend to be much better motivation than anyone else could be for me, and I honestly love the time I spend alone on the track or trail, because it gives me a chance to work with my inward self, if that makes sense...to block out the world and focus on me...what's going on inside. I can't do that if I'm focusing on others....it drowns out my inner voice.

That may sound all zen and crap, but I really don't mean it to. I just mean that I need to strap on my own oxygen mask before I can save others on the Fat Plane.

Today is a good day to start over. There is a 2k walk planned to start this morning here on station, and I have worn my running shoes in preparation.  Although I am far from running anywhere anytime soon, I'm pretty sure I've got it in me to waddle that far.  I've also managed to get up early this morning and prep all my food for the day, so I know that today will be a good day, because I've already planned it that way.

Every day should start like that.