esterday went very well, as Day Ones go. I got up early, prepped my meals, stayed strictly on point with my eating all day, got my walking in, got my water in, went home, whipped up a decent little one-dish meal (still on point), and managed to finish well within my allotted calories.
It was a better than a good day, it was a great day. But I was exhausted by last night. Staying on track all day took every bit of energy I had, and then some. This makes me incredibly sad...to know that just standing at the sink washing up a few dishes is enough to make my feet hurt and my back groan. Walking from my desk to my car in the afternoon gets me so winded that by the time I get behind the wheel, I'm blowing like a Derby winner.
I feel what my body is going through, how much it hates to move right now, and I remember how well it moved not that long ago....how much it craved moving, how strong it was. I know that I am capable of doing that again, and so much more. Yes, I am impatient to get back to that point, to get my life back on track again...but I got here, and I have to allow myself the time it will take to get back. None of this is an easy process...gaining all this wasn't any easier than losing it was. In fact, it was much, much harder in many ways. The stress I was under last year almost killed me. I would have much preferred to be able to continue leaving work on time every day to hit the trail, to keep losing, to be more and more active in exploring the world around me. But instead, I was strapped to the hamster wheel, and I lost so much more than the progress I had made....I almost lost myself.
Today, I thank God I am still here...alive and kicking. Over the past two months, I did something long overdue...underwent a battery of testing to make sure that I was still fundamentally healthy, so that I wouldn't have any reason to doubt my body could handle the change in physical activity after doing so much damage to it this past year. My doctor, thank God, gave me a clean bill of health and pronounced me sound enough to run as soon as I was able. I am very, very thankful for that, and I don't intend to waste the opportunity I have to get back what I had.