The Birth of a Binger

I've been seriously addicted to a weight-loss blog I've been following for the past couple of years, now. The author goes through such a mental process with her writing that I just can't seem to get enough.  There's a lot more to getting healthy than just losing the weight that's on your body.  You have to work on the fat in your head, too, which she does beautifully.

In going through some old posts of hers this morning from a few years back, discussing the impact her parents' divorce had on her, I ran across this bit that made me do some hard thinking:

The birth of my binge eating problem had nothing to do with my parents as people but everything to do with my own need to find a coping mechanism; as a 12, 13 year old kid, I wasn't thinking about anything other than how to make the hurt go away. No one is more or less guilty.

My binge eating started early, too...about nine or ten, as I recall, in the period of time directly after my mother died.  Both my siblings were a good bit older than me, and had, for different reasons, moved out of the house, either directly preceeding or directly after her death (my sister got married; my brother went off to college).  For the first time in my life, I was coming home to an empty house every day.  And that emptiness rattled in my bones.

Waiting for my father to come home from work every day seemed to take an eternity.  I filled the time watching TV and binging on whatever looked remotely interesting in the pantry.  I can vividly recall finding a jar of Tang instant breakfast drink (think freeze-dried Sunny D), and eating the powder like Lick-em-aid candy.  My poor, newly-widowed father, not having any clue as to what the depths of the pantry contained at that point, never missed it.  And I got by with pretty much cleaning out the pantry unnoticed.

That started two trends for me; eating to fill the void, and eating in secret...and I started packing on the pounds.  "Puberty", they said.  "She'll grow out of it."  But I was a late bloomer, and all my insecurities started adding up.  Puberty did not see me grow out of it.  Instead of growing lean as I grew tall, I just....grew.  My height made me stick out at school, and I became the 'amazon'....the 'linebacker'...the girl who didn't want to dress out for P.E.  And thus started the slide.

I've always contributed my binging to boredom in the past....being a latchkey kid in the 70's.  But I think my blogger friend had the right idea....in the immediate aftermath of my mother's death from a fatal disease at a far-too-young age, I too wasn't thinking about anything other than how to make the hurt go away.

I've blamed myself for my actions during that time period so much over the years; I know that now.  I've kicked that latchkey kid a million times in my head for her 'laziness', her reaction to boredom. I've regretted that start to my downward spiral, blaming my family bitterly for leaving me alone to fend for myself, for not noticing my self-destructive behavior, not thinking about how badly each one of us must have been hurting at that time.  When I wasn't blaming them, I was blaming myself for not getting off my ass and being active, for not keeping my nose out of the TV and out of that damned pantry.  But I've never, not once, thought of my behavior as a way to cope with the profound loss of my mother.  Looking back now with new eyes, I'm thinking that maybe it's time to forgive my family, and especially that little girl whose world had just been turned upside down.  Instead of condemnation, I'm starting to see that what she really needed was assurance that everything was going to be alright....and a really, really big hug.

Conflicted

I'm very mixed up and confused about my weigh-in this week.  And I've put off posting to try to work out my feelings and maybe compose my thoughts a little, but it didn't seem to be working, so rather than put it off any longer, maybe I'll just try to work through it while I ramble.

I felt kinda meh all week. Fine, but I didn't really feel like I'd lost anything.  Although not exactly on point with my eating, I did watch my food and intake very carefully, and never went above my calorie allotment once.  I got all my water in, but I never got the chance to exercise.  So I had very mixed feelings at my weigh-in on Friday morning.

247.  A two pound gain.

There could be several reasons for this, but the most likely culprit is probably that three nights in a row, Keith called me to pick up dinner on my way home.  So....Tuesday night, it was Chick-fil-a, Wednesday night, Chinese, and Thursday night, Zaxby's.  I ate grilled chicken salads, except for Wednesday night, when I got curry chicken and hot and sour soup, which I divided into two portions, and had the second half for lunch on Thursday.  But still....the sodium must have been horrific.

So...I decided to weigh again on Saturday morning, AFTER I had eaten strictly on point all day and drank twice my normal intake of water to flush my system.  And lo, and behold....I was back down to 243.8....a 1 1/2 pound loss.  And much more acceptable.

(TMI Alert!) After breakfast, my tummy started rumbling, and I realized that my system had been very sluggish all week, which probably also contributed to my meh-ness and water retention.  Once my...er...business had concluded, I felt tremendously more like myself....lighter and full of energy, which I had been lacking this week.  All this, I contribute to the fact that I started on some serious vitamin supplements this week, which contain iron....known for causing folks to be...er....irregular.  At least until their systems get used to it.

So....although I AM down this week, I'm not feeling great about it.  I feel like I could have and SHOULD have done better, although I'm not sure how, given that I couldn't really exercise this week.  Standing on that scale Friday morning, I felt like such a failure, like I was gonna turn around and magically be 37 pounds heavier....back to square one.  Of course, my mind knows this is not possible, but it also knows how fast I do gain, and the thought of having to do this all over again terrifies me.  I've worked so hard, and I don't want to either backslide, or go into a plateau that will leave me so frustrated I give up.

One thing I am coming to understand and accept:  my body takes far less food than I have ever given it to sustain itself. It is an efficiently burning machine that I have spent years overfueling, simply because I could.  It is time to change that.  Even after I go into maintenance mode, I don't think I will ever see the day I go over 1500 calories again; it's just not necessary for me.  And although at some point, I am sure that I will go back to eating some foods that are not acceptible right now, I will ALWAYS have to modify the amount to a fraction of the portions I've always been used to....it's simply a waste I can't afford.

So....I'm .8 pounds away from hitting my next goal.  With a big long-weekend trip coming up next week to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday in Atlanta, I was really hoping to go down and be able to say I'd lost 40 pounds so far this year.  As it stands right now, I will need to lose 2.8 pounds between now and Thursday morning to accomplish that.  Not out of the ball park....but a long shot, unless I can somehow find a way to stoke my metabolic fire between now and then. I don't know if I can do it...but I'm sure gonna try.

Rest, Rest, and More Rest

My plan to start back with my workouts over the weekend unfortunately went south.  I have regrets, but I can't really say that I'm sorry.  It's one of the sucky parts of aging that our bodies just can't physically keep up with what our minds are convinced are totally doable.....like being able to work all day, and then drive all night (no can do...not anymore, but my brain sure thinks I can).  What I'm learning is that, although my energy and stamina are improving dramatically on a daily basis, there are still limits to what my almost 52-year-old body is able to do.  And with the enormous amounts of overtime I've been putting in the past few weeks, my body was at a breaking point, in terms of physically AND mentally. 

So...I took the weekend off.  And by 'off', I mean I did nothing except eat and watch TV and REST.

I may have been a slug, but my food was on point, however.  I have gotten to a very comfortable place in my eating, and I think now that I'm in the groove, I'll be able to ride it out pretty well going forward.  I manage to work in good things...savory things...that keep me from getting bored or restless without going overboard, and they are still totally within the boundaries I've set for myself.  Case in point; I have found an amazing cajun crab dip at the grocery store that is made with no mayo. Two tablespoons is only 70 calories (it's mostly just diced crab), and I pair it with Nut Thins crackers, 8 of which are only 65 calories.  That makes for one helluva delicious treat, and totally within my parameters!

The slug bit notwithstanding, I feel SO MUCH BETTER after two days of rest! I woke up yesterday rejuvinated and ready for my week ( another long one), and although my housework didn't thank me for it, I know that the time off was not time wasted, but a necessity.  I did not work out, but my body did nothing but benefit from the rest.

Today, I'll be going out to lunch with all my coworkers at a Mexican restaurant.  I'm looking forward to the cameraderie, and have already decided on having a delicious taco salad (no cheese or guac, extra lettuce, fresh salsa for dressing...yumm!), so I'll be totally prepared when I get there.  Making the choice ahead of time totally takes out the angst, and all I have to do is enjoy myself! 

I'm really liking where my head is these days, how strong I've become, both mentally and physically.  I feel like I'm playing from a position of power, now, and that's a really, really good feeling.

Scheduling

Today, being Friday, was my weekly weigh-in.  Honestly, considering how I've been feeling all week, I really didn't expect to see much of a drop at all in the numbers. I told Keith if I saw half a pound, I'd consider it a major victory, and he pointed out that I'd had quite a long losing streak already, so if I didn't lose anything, this would be the first week I hadn't done so.

It's amazing, having such a supportive hubby. I am a lucky woman.

However, despite my worries, I did manage to drop a pound and a half.  Considering the week I've had, I'm ecstatic.  And no, that was not sarcasm.

I know that in order to step up my game, I'm going to have to start back with my workouts, and I don't just mean to lose more at my weigh-ins.  With all this loss comes a lot of loose skin, and the more I lose, the more I can see what a lack of muscle tone I have.  That needs to be corrected NOW, if I'm really going to see long-term results and look as good as I feel. So, I've just simply got to find a way to work IN my workOUTS to my hectic daily schedule.

When I'm not working overtime, it's pretty simple; I just go walk or run after work, before I go home.  That's my favorite time to go, because it helps me work out the stress from my day, and leaves me relaxed and ready to enjoy my evening.  I sleep better and wake up feeling rested and ready for the day ahead.  But right now, my overtime is insane, I'm chronically tired as a result, and it's not looking like it's going to improve any time soon.  My current day:

Time	Activity
4:15am	Wake up, make coffee, shower, dress, gather things for the day.
5:45am	Leave for work
6:45am	Arrive at work
3:30pm	End of regular day, start of overtime
6:30pm	Leave work
7:30-8:00pm	Arrive home (time depends on whether I have to run errands on the way)
9:00pm	Bedtime

As you can see, there is very little time to spare, once I actually get home. If I'm lucky and don't have to stop anywhere, I may have an hour and a half of 'free' time before I hit the hay, but in that time, I'm eating dinner, washing dishes, and taking care of those thousands of little things one has to do to simply maintain.  Where in the world can I work in a workout??  This is really, really bothering me right now.

I know that I have to let those things that are out of my control go, but it's very hard. My best plan at the moment is to at LEAST do my day one and two workouts on the weekends.  If nothing else, I can get that done, but it will not help with my plan to get back on the track in April, so I need to figure something out for that.  I'm hoping that by then, I will be leaving work at 5:30 instead of 6:30 every night...that will buy me the extra hour I need for the track in the evenings on the way home.

*sigh*  They say we make time for the things we think are the most important to us.  And although I tend to agree with this in general terms, it is not always possible. In the meantime, all I can do is to work what I can control to the best of my ability, and that is exactly what I'm going to do.

So...beginning this weekend, I will do my best to get some much-needed rest, but I will also try to get my workouts in.  I will be working until 6:30pm for the next two weeks, so it may be hard, if not impossible to walk during the week.... but after that, I'm going to get my track time back.  And God willing, I'm going to use it.

Out of Sorts

I'm not sure what it is, but I haven't felt 100% all week.  My eating's been good, strictly on point in fact, and I've gotten all my water in, but I don't have that same light, energetic feeling I had last week.  Not only that, but I've felt bloated and distended, and (pardon the TMI) been very gassy also, which is not normally an issue on this diet.

This morning, I woke up and felt downright nauseous.  I sipped my coffee slowly while getting dressed, and on my way to work, and now that I've arrived, the nausea is finally starting to subside.  I'll eat my breakfast in about a half hour from now, and I'm hoping that it will boost me the rest of the way.

I can't help but keep thinking that somehow....even though it was four days ago...it's the fault of the pizza I ate on Sunday.  I just haven't felt right, since.  I know there's a lot to be said for shocking your body when you're on a long-term diet to keep from plateauing, but I think there's such a thing as shocking it too much....and I think maybe that's what I did this week.  If that's the case, boy...lesson learned.  I want the days of feeling like this behind me.

If I still feel like this next week, I'm going to schedule a Dr.'s visit.  But I really think it's just bad decision-making that is the culprit here.  And I'm really, really looking forward to feeling like I did last week again....soon.

In the meantime....I've made a list of significant goals that I'm looking forward to hitting on this journey to 170 (my goal), and I've found that I've already hit about a third of them, which cheered me up quite a bit!  I love visuals, anyway... they always seem to help me, no matter what my project is.

Goal	Significance	Date	Actual Weight
	Starting Weight, BMI 41	10/14/2014	281.0
278	BMI 40	1/5/2015	277.6
271	BMI 39	1/12/2015	270.2
270	New Decade	1/16/2015	268.8
264	BMI 38	1/27/2015	263.6
260	New Decade	2/13/2015	257.8
257	BMI 37	2/20/2015	254.6
256	25 POUNDS LOST!!	2/20/2015	254.6
250	New Decade, BMI 36	3/13/2015	246.6
243	BMI 35
240	New Decade
236	BMI 34
231	50 POUNDS LOST!!
230	New Decade
229	BMI 33
222	BMI 32
220	New Decade
216	BMI 31
210	New Decade
209	BMI 30
206	75 POUNDS LOST!!
202	BMI 29 (no longer obese, now just overweight)
200	New Decade
199	Onederland!
195	BMI 28
190	New Decade
188	BMI 27
181	BMI 26, 100 POUNDS LOST!!!
180	New Decade
174	BMI 25
170	GOAL!!!
167	BMI 24 (no longer overweight)

I've had several other weigh-ins that are not listed on this chart, only because I didn't hit any goals on them.  At some point I may add those in as well, but for the purposes of this list, I don't think it adds very much, so for now, I'm just going to change the chart when my weigh-in reaches a goal.

I'm very excited about checking my chart in the morning after my weigh-in to see if I've hit anything new!

Date Nights, and Assorted Stuff

I don't know why, but last week, when Keith said "I'm taking you out for dinner Friday night", I got inordinately excited.  As a general rule, we usually go out at least once, sometimes twice a week.  But there was something about the way he said it this time that made my heart skip a beat.  Then when I asked him if we could go to the little Japanese restaurant we found several weeks ago for sushi, and he said he was good with that....it skipped a few more times.  And then I found that I could not wait for Friday night.

Turned out that I had to work late on Friday, but Keith had driven me to work that morning so he could use my car to run errands in town, so he actually picked me up, and we had the best night.  Just dinner....no drinks or dancing....but it was so nice! We lingered after, sipping hot tea and talking, and it was just the perfect way to start our weekend. And the food was a-mazing (again).  This little restaurant (Miso) has turned into one of my faves....I could eat their sushi every day.  And the best part is that it is so good for me! I really loved the time we spent, just sharing our thoughts, too.  Not like eating so we don't have to cook, but like spending time together.  Dates are important, and as much as we eat out, we don't date nearly enough. I'm hoping we can work on changing that.

We were supposed to go down to the camper and work on stuff Saturday, but it was such a nasty day, we postponed the heavy stuff until Sunday and just worked around the house all day mostly paying bills and stuff.  We got a lot done, though, and it made me very happy to not have to overexert too much.  After working so much overtime last week, I really needed a day to rest and recoup.  But Sunday morning dawned bright and clear, and we could tell it was going to be a lovely warm day, so we got up, packed some food for the day, and went down to the work site.

The 'work site' is actually next door to us, at the foot of our long, obscenely steep quarter mile driveway.  It's located on the original property we bought, and we lived there in a FEMA camper for the first two years, until the lady that sold us the property (who lived next door) decided to sell out and move to Boone, where she worked.  We jumped at the chance to buy the adjoining property, and moved on up.  But we still have that little camper and made the mistake of renting it out to one of our offspring for a year.

O.M.G.  The mess she left behind when she moved. We should have jacked it up and laid dynamite under it.

Neither of us had the heart to go into it for a long time, but we finally cowboyed up, and armed with heavy work gloves and a huge roll of industrial-strength construction-grade lawn and leaf bags, cleaned out the mess.  That just left the heavy cleaning, which I put off for months.  And since we are now using that site to build a house for our good friend, Tracy, which means we have to move the trailer, AND since we now have a buyer for said trailer, it meant that it was time to get busy.

That was my job Sunday. When I say that I worked hard on that trailer for four and a half hours, I mean I worked HARD.  Scrubbing, bending, stretching, sweeping, mopping.....and burning mega calories.  So much so, that I actually got sick a few times and had to take breaks.  I ate at regular intervals, of course...and drank plenty of water, but I could tell that my body was having to tap into its reserves, big time. 

By the time I finished (or at least got to a stopping point), I was so sore and exhausted I could hardly move, much less fix dinner.  Keith had been working on his own stuff down there, and he was just as tired as I was, so we decided to order a thin crust pizza from the only place that's close to our house. His half had ground beef, mushrooms and black olives, and my side was veggie.  I ate mine without any guilt, and enjoyed every bite of it, knowing that I had earned the calories, and STILL was below my calorie limit for the day.  Then I took a hot shower and drugs and went to bed in an overheated bed, where the warmth relaxed me enough to finally go to sleep.

This morning, I feel fine. Still a bit sore, but nothing like last night.  And I'm ready and prepared to jump right back on plan.  In fact, I'm looking forward to another long (lots of overtime), but successful week.  What about you?

I Knew It!

Yep....I could feel it! I said so, and it was true.  I could actually feel myself losing weight this past week, and when I jumped on the scale this morning, I had a 4 1/2 pound loss!  That's more than my usual three, and I think that it more than made up for my crappy week last week.  I'm so stinking happy right now!!!  And very excited.  This brings my total loss to 34.5, and means that I am only 13.5 pounds away from my next goal....the 50 pound mark!

One of the concerns I've had on this journey is my BMI, which I haven't measured.  So I found a chart on the internet that tells me what it is based on my weight, which is good since I don't have a set of calipers to measure it on my own.  According to the chart, I've been in the 'obese' category for God knows how long.  Currently, I'm at 35%, down from 42%.

Forty-two per cent.  Oh. My. God.  That's almost half my weight!!!

(breathe....breathe....)

Ok, so my ultimate goal for the moment is 170, subject to revisions as I approach it.  I am, after all, tall, over 50, with kids, so I'm trying to err on the upper end of the spectrum, which I think is a much more realistic goal than say, 150.  If I get to 170 and see that I could stand to lose a little more, I can naturally adjust another five pounds, say, until I feel comfortable.  But I'm a long way from that decision just yet.  My concern with that is that at 174 pounds, my BMI will be 25%, which is still considered 'overweight'.  It doesn't drop down to 24% (the top of the 'normal' range) until I hit 167 pounds.  A difference of 3 pounds may not be huge now, but it could be astronomical in terms of hitting my goal once I get there.

At any rate, I'm not ready to change my ultimate goal just yet.  Still, it's good information to have in order to keep my perspective as I plan and strive toward the end of my active weight loss phase and the beginning of my active maintenance phase, which must continue for the rest of my life, if I am to stay healthy and like Spock, live long and prosper.

It's amazing to feel that old groove again.  I'm not sure how it happened, not sure how I got here, but I'm back in the sweet spot, and I'm gonna ride it for all it's worth, right up to the end.  This time, I feel more prepared to get to my ultimate goal, more braced for all the little changes that I know will happen this time that I didn't even know to be prepared for before.  Those little changes blindsided me.  If I'm honest, they really freaked me out, and all of a sudden, I turned a corner one day and didn't know who I was any more.  That may have been the scariest thing that I ever had to face, and considering my life, that's saying a lot.  I totally had a meltdown.  But of all the things I've ever read about weight loss, especially from people who have lost a substantial amount, I've never read anything that would have prepared me for the day that I'd look in the mirror and see a stranger.

This time, I know it's going to happen.  This time, at least for the moment....I'm ready.

Giddiness

This week has been very busy, but all in a good way.  Interestingly enough, although I have put in 3 hours of overtime every night, I've felt better and had more energy when I got home than I did after a regular day even a month ago.  Before, I would be so exhausted by the time I got home, I just wanted to cry, eat, and go to bed, in that order.

I have felt so good this week! I have a new bounce in my step, I can feel my body shrinking, and unlike last week, am totally stoked about getting on the scale tomorrow morning.  A lot of this has to do with knowing my food has been strictly on point this week, but I think it also has to do with my water intake.  It's amazing to me how quickly my body responds when I give it what it needs, instead of shoving it full of what's convenient (or what I'm craving at the moment).

Maybe my slow-down last week was due to my getting slack with the program, maybe it was my body just needing a minute to catch it's breath before continuing on....I don't know.  I only know that I can feel the difference this week...my body, revving itself up. The energy being released, and also being stored up to do extraordinary things when I finally hit the track in April.

When I began this journey, I told myself that I would start running again in March, as I had so long ago.  Of course, I had no idea that we would be slammed so hard with icy, snowy winter weather this year, which would have made it most likely self-defeating, had I stuck to that plan. But the week before, Keith asked me to hold off for a while, to give my body more of a chance to adjust.  He thought I should wait until the summer, but he is not, nor has he ever been a runner.  Not that he can't run...he was in the Army, so of course he can run.  Not only that, but he can step on the track today and run 3 or 4 miles at a decent pace, and that with no training whatsoever.  He just hates running. He has never had any desire to run, or participate in any races, so with the exception of boot camp, he has never gone through the training process.  And he doesn't realize that you can't start training at the height of the summer heat.

The whole reason behind me starting back with my running in March was to be able to build up my stamina and heat tolerance so that I would be prepared by the time that heat hit me in summer.  I want to be able to run through the hottest season, into the fall, and beyond.  I want to be an all-seasons runner, even through the winter.  And that means that I have to condition myself to it.

So....I agreed to a delay, which I felt was probably wise at the time.  But I compromised by only delaying for a month.  That way, the winter weather is behind me, and I can go full steam ahead.  Waiting that month means that I will start running at least 10 pounds lighter than I would have in March, with much more energy, and riding a high of accomplishment at having lost 40 pounds, already.  I think I can live with that.

I feel so much more prepared this time.  And I feel like I am bursting at the seams to get out there.  This extra energy is surging out of me all the time, it seems like. I'm giddy...almost drunk with it, and it feels incredible, making me realize how long I've actually felt like crap. I don't ever, ever want to forget what being over 100 pounds overweight did to me, not just physically, but emotionally, too.  And most of all, I don't ever, ever want to feel like that again.

Another decade...sort of.

What a gorgeous weekend!  I got so much done, both inside and outside, and enjoyed the HECK out of some Spring-like weather, which both body and soul sorely needed after the pounding we've taken this Winter.  My eating was off...not that I ate too much, but that I didn't eat nearly enough.  Being super busy tends to make me do that. I don't like taking time out to stop and eat.

Still...I jumped on the scale Saturday morning, and realized that all the little things I have been doing off-plan have caused my metabolism to pretty much grind to a halt.  I only registered a half pound loss. Enough to be able to say I've lost 30 lbs, but not enough to say that I've hit a new decade on the scale. Still...all forward motion counts, right?

Right.  But that doesn't mean that we have to be satisfied with less than what we want.

Which means that I will be doubling my efforts to stay strictly on plan this week, make sure I drink all my water every day, and get in whatever exercise I can manage.  The last will be the hardest, since I'm scheduled to work crazy overtime this week, but if I can just get my eating back on track, it will help tremendously!  Well...that, and nicer weather...

Antsy-ness

After some really stellar back-and-forth Winter to Spring weather this week, we have now swung back to Winter with a vengeance.  Yesterday, when I left the office, it was an almost warm 70+ degrees outside, with blue skies and fluffy clouds.  Today, we're expecting a wintery mix, culminating in ice.  It's enough to drive you mad.  And it's a wonder everybody's not dead from pneumonia with the fluctuations.

I've been staying pretty much on point with my eating, but snacking too much on peanuts and cashews this week.  Even though my calories are still under my limit, it's not good for me, and I know it.  On top of that, no matter how I try to 'wipe off the salt' as I eat, I know I'm getting MUCH more than I should have, and that's making me retain water and giving me tummy issues.

Oh...and did I mention I went two days without drinking any water?  TWO DAYS.

This is not good.  And it's why...in lieu of the fact that I've made plans to spend tonight at Tracy's so I can get into work tomorrow, so won't be home for my Friday weigh-in....when I stepped on the scale a day early this morning, I registered, for the FIRST time....no change.

I shouldn't be surprised that this has happened....my body is probably needing a breather to adjust to the almost 30 lb. loss.  But I'd be lying if I didn't say it wasn't highly unnerving.

SOOO....today, I'm staying on point, going light on my dinner, and FLUSHING my body like crazy with as much water as I can stand.  I won't be able to weigh until Saturday morning...and only then if I'm lucky enough to be able to get home tomorrow night, but I'm hoping that my efforts now will pay off with at least a 1 lb loss.  I really need to see that to keep my morale boosted.  I know I shouldn't, because I know that I'm doing what's best for my body, regardless of what the scale shows, but right now, it's important to me to get some payback for all my hard work so I can keep this going.  I'm very proud that I've managed 60 days so far, and I don't want to stall now.  So yes, I'm a bit antsy.  And I am so ready for this bad weather to be GONE!!! It's really driving me crazy right now!

Happy Monday!

I'm not being facetious...I really mean it!  I feel so good today, being back in my normal routine!  The snow is practically gone from the rain and milder temps, and even though it's supposed to rain most of the week...I am HOME again!  With my hubby, and my boys, and my STUFF...my comfort zone is complete! 

It's really amazing how much you change as you age, when it comes to stuff like that.  I remember a time not so long ago when I could have slept standing up in a corner, and made do with whatever I had to hand.  Anymore, not so much.  I crave my routine, and when I don't have it/can't do it, it leaves me frustrated and feeling incompetent in everything I do that day.  I think part of it is because for the first time in my life, I feel like I have a real 'home', a place to truly call my own, not just a house to store my stuff temporarily, until my 'real' life kicks in.

Keith and I made some important decisions this weekend regarding our house renovations, that we are both just ecstatic about, and I think I may still be riding that high, too, lol.  Whatever the reason, I feel solid this morning, like this week, I'm gonna rock it out of the park....and that makes me happy.

I finally got to weigh yesterday morning, and got my expected 3 pounds, which is pretty amazing, considering all the makeshift changes I went through the past two weeks.  That puts me just shy of the 30 pound mark, so next week, I should be in a new decade.  Pretty exciting stuff, all around, I'd say.