Stress'll Kill Ya, Folks

Just sayin'.  The stress level at work the past couple of weeks has been steadily mounting, ever since we found out that one of our co-workers got a promotion to a different department.  That leaves two of us to handle four employees' worth of work....a/k/a paying 2500 employees every two weeks.  This week, in fact, I pretty much have that lovely responsibility all to myself. 

Yeah.

On the flip side, I have been making a concentrated effort to get my shizz together and get back out there.  Friday, I did GREAT...ran 4.5 miles at a 12:55/mm pace.  After a week and a half off, that felt good. Like, seriously good. I'd post a pic of my time...only for whatever reason it got deleted.  Along with the pic from Monday's run.

*sigh*

I've been having a lot of technical issues with my phone over the last month or so, too...not that that adds to my stress level AT ALL.  But I've pretty much decided to download all my pics to my laptop and do a master reset on my phone.  I'm hoping I don't live to regret it, but I've pretty much done everything else to no avail, and that's the option that's left.

Anyway...I managed to lose that pound and a half I'd gained a couple of weeks ago when I weighed in on Friday, so I started this week on an awesome note.  Came in to work on Monday, food all packed, and ready for a successful day of getting solidly back on track.

Except that I forgot that we were having our Thanksgiving lunch on Monday.  Catered.  From Olive Garden.

*double sigh*

Of course I ate all the things.  And immediately regretted it.  And immediately was wracked with guilt. And immediately decided I must do six miles that night or die trying, because I was immediately going to gain back the last 10+month's worth of weight I've lost.  I know it doesn't make sense to feel that way...it doesn't make sense, period.  It's just my irrational fear of failure (or is it really a fear of success?) getting in my way AGAIN...just like it did the last time I got pretty much to this exact same point.  I just can't seem to break this 200 barrier, and for the love of all that is holy, I wish I could understand why that is.  All I know at this point is that, unlike the last time I got here, I am NOT giving up this time.  I will NOT be this close and not get to my goal, and I will NOT let fear defeat me.

YES, it's scary.  Change is always scary on some level, but only initially.  Once you take the first step, the fear immediately begins to diminish.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that. 

This, too shall pass.  I must be patient with myself.  I must be kind to myself.  I must stop beating myself up when I face hard parts. Instead, I must learn to reach out a hand to my inner child and help her over the stumbling blocks that I've placed in the road myself.

Every day is a new start.  Not just every day...but every minute, every second is a new beginning.  I've got to start breathing more and stressing less...meditating on all the good I'm accomplishing, and learn to let the small stuff go....because in the end, it's all small stuff.

Yes, I've made some bad choices this week.  That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weak person, or an any-less-determined person.  It makes me an overstressed, suffering from SAD in the middle of Thanksgiving week person. In short...it makes me human. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Today, I've done well. My eating is on point, and it's a run day, so I'll log some miles tonight, one way or the other.  I'd love to do it on the Tweetsie, but if I don't get out of here at a reasonable time (I've got it by myself the rest of the week...yay, me!), then I'll do it on the treadmill at the gym.