Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Progress Update

So....back in November of last year, when I hit rock bottom, so to speak....I looked like this:


It's incredibly discouraging to think that you have your shizz mostly together, and then someone completely unrelated to you posts pics on facebook for the world to see that you actually


*don't*.


There are no words in my vocabulary for me to describe how much I love this group of girls.  I know they didn't see me the same way I saw myself in these pics...they posted them out of love.  But


*omg*.

I wanted to go crawl under a rock when I saw myself the way others saw me every day.  *This* was a true illustration of just how far I'd let myself slip in the grand scheme of things....how little I had decided to make myself a priority.

It had to change.

And it did. Little by little....day by day....all that self (I won't say _loathing_, it's too strong a word)-neglect started turning into self-interest.  And as I, for the first time in a long, long time, made my health my top priority, the pounds started melting off.  Very slowly, but very consistently.  And I began to understand that the goal was not to

*get there*,

it was to trust the process that would, in time, get me there. 

I stopped being scale-driven, and started becoming conscious of what I was requiring from my body, and what I was giving it, in return.

I stopped feeding it crap.  I started giving it quality fuel it could actually use, and hydration it was starved for.

I stopped being a whining couch potato, so full of aches and pains I could hardly move, so unbalanced and uncoordinated, I could hardly walk from my front door down a short flight of steps to my car, for fear of falling.  I shifted my focus to how I could work a little more activity into every day.  My body still ached and pained occasionally, but now, there was an actual reason for it.

I stopped being weak.  I started getting stronger....not just in my body, but in my head, too.

And nine months later, I'm over 75 pounds down.

*I have lost the equivalent of a ten-year-old child*

....awesomeness.

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