Post-Surgery Check-In

 o much to talk about, and I've been way too lax about posting!  

First, my surgery went so well, and there was absolutely zero pain! Yes....I didn't even need to take pain pills after I got home, and there was no pain in the hospital either.  It's the craziest thing I've ever experienced, for sure, but I have 5 tiny laparoscopic holes across my belly midline, left to right, and before he closed me up, he packed my belly with pain meds, so there was literally no pain from the moment I woke from the anesthesia. It was like I never had any surgery at all!  I went home the next morning, walked out of the hospital under my own steam, and never looked back.

How's it been since then?

In a word, wonderful.  No complications at all, and the only 'issue' (if you want to call it that) was figuring out the new signals my stomach uses now to communicate with me. It's taken a while to decode, because I no longer have hunger pangs (thank God!) like I used to, but I can now tell when I need to eat, when I'm full, and when something I eat isn't sitting well (it feels like a rock).  If I eat something like that, then I know to not try that food again for another week or two.  At this stage, I'm pretty much eating anything, but tough/thick cuts of meat, alcohol, caffeine, fizzy drinks, and most bread.

How much have I lost?  About 55 lbs, so far, total. It's coming off much slower than I had anticipated, and I'm glad. I thought I'd drop it like a rock, but I haven't, and the slower speed is giving me time to adjust as I go, which I very much need.  So, all in all, I couldn't be happier with my progress!

I had a two week checkup after surgery, which went very well. I was ahead of schedule at that point, and I was out of town when my 6 week checkup was scheduled, so I had to cancel.  I may or may not rebook that one, and just wait until my 6 month checkup to go back, since we're currently having transportation challenges (my car is in the shop, having the engine replaced).

I'm down several sizes now, and I wore a dress this weekend for the first time in years, literally. I'd say that's a definite win!

In the exercise department, and I think I'm the most excited about this of all, I'm getting ready to start a program this afternoon to get me back into running! Stay tuned for more progress on that, very soon!

All Systems Go!

oly cow! After two weeks of thinking that my packet had been submitted to the insurance company, come to find out that my GP was actually waiting on the results of my stress test to send her clearance back in!  Well, I NAILED that test (not too bad for a 60 year old), and she sent my clearance the next day.  Packet in...one week later....APPROVED! 

My surgery date is scheduled for February 26th.  I'm super excited! Yesterday, I met with my Dr. for the final time before surgery, and it was a great experience. He really listens to me and was very patient to answer all my questions....even agreed to take a picture of the part of my stomach he takes out for me before he sends it out to pathology.  That request made Keith's eyes roll all the way back in his head, but I figure it's been an unseen part of me for all these years, I have a right to see what it looks like!

I may or may not post a picture of it later, for those who may be curious....just sayin'.

Anyway, I have a pre-admission meeting with the hospital next week, and I've already started my pre-op prep, which includes a specialized diet...very small amounts of soft stuff this week, and all liquids next week.  This helps to shrink my liver so it's easier to get out of the way during surgery.  

So far, so good.  I'm just seriously over the moon excited about this right now!

Time to Play Catch-Up!

I really am gonna have to do better at this blog updating thang. I guess with everything that's going on, I'm happy to be remembering at all.

So much has been happening since the last time I posted! On the first of December, I had my endoscopy and colonoscopy done, and my gastroenterologist said everything looked good and cleared me for surgery.  On the 18th, I had my second nutrition and PT appointments. My walk test during my PT appointment was greatly improved, and she also gave me a couple of great exercises to do to improve my knee strength.  

The next day, I saw my pulmonary doctor again for the results of my sleep test (that contraption worked very well, apparently). I do have moderate sleep apnea, and he wanted to put me on a CPAP machine, but my experience has been that when I've lost weight in the past, I stopped snoring completely, so Keith helped me find a couple of oral devices to try instead that I can use until I've lost enough weight to stop the snoring. My sleep apnea is very, very light....if it was higher, I would definitely get the CPAP, so please don't think I have anything against the machine. I just know that I have a huge issue with things covering my face, even though it doesn't restrict my breathing, so if I can avoid that, I feel like I'm one up on the process.

A couple of days later, I had my second support group meeting, which was awesome. We had some great conversation, tried some protein drink samples, and played Bariatric Jeopardy, and I won second place!  My prize was a new set of resistance bands that I can use while working out, which is awesome. I was also supposed to have my mid-program appointment with my bariatric doctor, but the office called me and told me they were so impressed with my progress, I didn't need the appointment, so I didn't have to go. I do get to talk to him at the support group meetings, though. He and his team are at every one.

On January 12th, I had my appointment with my regular GP to get clearance from her. She had to run an EKG and do some required lab work...and this is where I ran into a couple of snags. I knew they were bound to show up somewhere, the sailing had been way too smooth up until now.  My EKG showed some abnormalities, which got me referred to a cardiologist, and my blood panel showed elevated liver enzymes, which meant a liver ultrasound and some more specialized bloodwork.

The following week, I met with the cardiologist who told me that he does want to do a stress test on me, but that he didn't see anything alarming, and since I didn't appear to have any symptoms at all and no history of heart issues in my family, he cleared me for surgery. One hurdle down, one to go.  

In the meantime, I attended my third and final support group meeting, in which we learned some great exercises to do with resistance bands, and I had my third and final appointments with my nutritionist and physical therapist, during which we discussed the pre- and post-surgical diets that I must follow.  

Yesterday, I had my liver ultrasound, and it basically showed what I already knew...that my borderline fatty liver had made the commitment to come down off the fence and be fatty for real. This is something that fortunately is completely reversible with weight loss, so that's just all the more reason to get the surgery.  My GP sent my clearance in.

So....what's next? I've got a call in to my surgeon's office to verify that they have all the paperwork they need to submit to my insurance company. They will assemble that packet and send it in, and then we wait for the insurance company to approve the surgery. This can be very quick or take a couple of weeks, depending on the person that works the case, but once that approval is received, we can schedule a date for my surgery!

Looks like all systems are go. Now....we wait.

To Snore....or Not to Snore...

hen last we left off, I was preparing for my first support group meeting...the first of three I must attend.  It all went very well, actually better than I expected. Not only was the room full of people going through this just like me, but several attendees had already undergone their surgery and were still attending because they saw the value.  That was very encouraging, not only to see them, but to hear them share bits of advice and how things are going was also really helpful. By far, the best aspect of the whole night was turning around and seeing the doctor and his entire team sitting in the back of the room, attending...and sharing...right along with all of us. That was incredible, to know that they were making themselves THAT available for all of us.  They even joked and shared questions and info with the nutritionist (who was running the meeting) as we talked about ways we might alter traditional thanksgiving recipes to make them healthier. Overall, I was very pleased, and eager for the next meeting in December!

Right before Thanksgiving, I received in the mail the kit I needed to conduct my sleep study at home, to see whether I have sleep apnea or not ( I snore really bad).  This kit contained a watch-like device, a lead to mount to my chest directly under my throat, and a monitor to wear on my finger (like the thing they make you wear sometimes when they're taking your blood pressure).  I was supposed to sync all this with an app I had to download to my phone, put it all on, and then start the app right before I went to sleep so it could record all night.  This morning, when I woke up, I stopped the app, which automatically sent the recording to the sleep lab for analysis. They will send the results to my pulmonary doctor, who will go over them with me when I go in for my follow-up appointment with him.

The process turned out to be fairly easy, but it was not easy to sleep, knowing that all that was going on. The watch and the lead didn't bother me....I'm used to sleeping with my Garmin watch on, anyway.  But the monitor on my finger really irritated my finger to the point that it kept waking me up.  Not only that, but they want you to try to sleep at least half the night either on your side or your back.  I am a stomach sleeper, with a curvature in my spine. I can NOT sleep on my back unless I'm propped up to the nines. And sleeping on my side always culminates on me rolling to my stomach. Given all that, I'm not sure how much actual good info they might have managed to capture, as Keith says I slept like a rock and didn't snore all night like usual. Not sure how he knows that, because it seemed like I was awake half the night, listening to HIM snore....but I guess we'll find out how much...or how little...sleep I actually got when I go in for my appointment.

Next up...prepping for my colonoscopy and endoscopy on Friday!

A Brand New Chapter for Me!

he definition of insanity, as you have probably heard, is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.  I'm really tired of this merry-go-round I've been on for the past 50-ish years, and I'm ready to get off. Permanently.

So...after much, much thought and prayer, I've decided to get gastric sleeve surgery.

Fortunately, for me, my insurance is going to take care of the cost....as long as I jump through all their pre-qualification hoops. That means a 3 month bariatric program, during which time I will be seen by several specialists, all who have to clear me for the surgery, among other things.

For those of you who might be interested, here's MY personal rundown (your mileage may vary, depending on any ailments you may already be suffering from):

I started out with my primary care provider, who is awesome. During my most recent checkup, I talked to her about it and asked her what she thought. She told me she felt very strongly that, considering my history, this was a logical next step for me, and she then referred me to a bariatric doctor who was in my network, and who she also had worked with a good bit in the past. 

Let me stop here for a moment, and say that if you have never given anything the 'ole college try', this is NOT the place to start that journey. They want to know you have done everything humanly possible to lose weight and get healthy before they will even contemplate talking to you about going the surgical route. I have....and have documented a good deal of it here over the years, but this is most definitely NOT the sum total of my struggles, by any means. I tried many different diets and programs over the years, most of which happened way before this blog was ever thought about.

Disclaimer over (for the moment).  I did make an appointment to see the bariatric doctor, in whose office I  stayed for over two hours, going over all the fine points and details I would be subjected to over the next three-ish months.  Not only did I have to agree to do everything they asked, but if I either intentionally or by accident skipped any part of what they were asking, I would have to start the process all over again. Prior to my first appointment, they had emailed me a packet of paperwork the equivalent of War and Peace to fill out and bring with me. This paperwork included a VERY comprehensive background on everything I had ever done to lose weight....when it happened, for how long, how much weight I had lost, how much of that I had regained, etc.....all the way back to my childhood.

Not kidding.

Of course, it also included a lot of medical questions, etc...the usual for a doctor's office, just much more detailed. All that was gone over in that first appointment, along with all their expectations, and a lot more instructions and paperwork I would need to have filled out as I went along.

It was a lot. A really lot.  But...you gotta choose your hard, right? Right.

My first assignment was to buy a notebook that I could keep a very comprehensive daily journal in. In this journal, I have to note what I have for three meals and two snacks per day, what I drank with those meals, how much water I've had for the day, who I ate each meal with and where, how much exercise I got, what kind and for how long, how I felt before and after, and what I was thinking about.

Again....not kidding.  I also have charts I have to fill out for my exercise and my daily (yes, DAILY) weigh-ins.

My next assignment was to book appointments with all the specialists they wanted me to see and get clearance from for my surgery, so I spent the better part of a day getting all that done. Because one of my specialists was a gastric doctor to get an EGD done (endoscopy in which they check out your esophagus, stomach and duodenum), and I already had a colonoscopy scheduled, I was able to just add that procedure to the day's events and get both knocked out while I'm...er...knocked out. 

My first actual specialist appointment was for a psychological evaluation, which wound up being a Zoom call online, so I didn't have to take time away from work. We spoke about 30 minutes, during which she asked me a lot of questions, and sent me a link for a video to watch later. That one was fairly painless, so I was ready for the next one, which was with a pulmonary doctor. 

He had to make sure there was no issue that would make it hard for me to be anesthetized. During that appointment, he took X-rays of my lungs (which were clear and looked good), and set me up for a sleep study to determine whether I may have sleep apnea. If so, that would explain why I'm always exhausted. I do know that I snore a lot...so more to come on that.  I also found out that I have a curvature in my spine, which I had long suspected, since I have never been able to do sit-ups, and my collar bones are uneven (when they're visible, lol).  I will have a follow up with the pulmonary doctor once he has the results of my sleep lab back.

Yesterday, I had my first of three (one a month) appointments with a nutritionist and a physical therapist. Having never been to either, this was very interesting to me. During PT, I found out I am in much better physical health than most kids my age, which made me feel pretty good.  I think I can attribute that to the running I've done in the past, and I can't wait to get back there again....that's definitely my happy place.  

The nutritionist was also very interesting, and I found out that although I do know and do a LOT of what she shared, I also learned a lot, and had more questions than I thought.  I know that I'll be able to build on what I learned....I just hope I think of better questions for my next appointment!

So far, that's been my journey to this point, and all this started on Sept 20th, with my first visit to the bariatric doctor. I have to say, that out of all the stuff they've asked me to do so far, by far the hardest part of this was picking up the phone that first time. 

Next up will be my first support group meeting, which will be next week. I have to attend three of those as well, one each month. I'll be turning all my paperwork in for the month of October at that meeting, and my November logging is well underway.  So far, so good!

I'm very excited about this journey. I've had several people ask me if I'm nervous about it...and the answer would have to be no, not at all. I've done extensive homework on the procedure as well as the prep and life after.... I've talked to people who have been through it to learn best practices and what NOT to do....and I just feel more excited to do this every day! 

I hope you'll stick around and share this journey with me. And if you have any questions, fire away! If I don't know the answer, I'll definitely find out, and we can both learn something. 

Weigh-in Wednesday

ell, it may be Wednesday, but I actually did my weigh-in on Monday this week. At some point (maybe next week), I'll actually change it to Wednesdays, but I'm really glad I didn't this week, because it's pouring rain, and the scale I currently use is next door.

I digress.  After skipping the dreaded week two weigh-in completely (out of town), I am happy to report that I lost another pound and a half, making a total of 8.5 pounds down.  Everybody's gotta start somewhere. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it will grow. And in order to GET to the big numbers, you gotta go through a lot of little ones first.

Not sure why my MyFitnessPal counter isn't accurate right now, but it may have something to do with the fact that I had over 100 pounds to lose and it only goes to 99. I've got to look into that.  In the meantime, I'm gearing up to start adding some steps next month, so maybe I'll see if I can add a step counter or something to hold myself accountable with that. I have a Garmin 235, which adjusts your goal so it gets higher as you do more. So I may not hit 10,000 a day for a while, but I still may be hitting my goal for that day. Baby steps, still...

Anyway, I do feel like I'm back to normal, as far as the head thing goes. My energy level is back, and I'm waking up with less aches and pains. Getting all my water in has been my biggest challenge, but I'm doing better in the last couple of days, so I'm hoping I'm back on track with that as well. So far, so good! Excited to see what the rest of this week will bring!

Ho-Ho-Ho....ly Crud!

hristmas is a time of joy, love, laughter, family....and feasting. For Christians, it's a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior.  Despite that, it seems like the older I get, the more bah-humbuggier I get, though. I love the time with family and friends, but more and more, I just want it over.  It's too much. Of everything.

People that know me in person know me as a loud, boisterous, friendly, outgoing person. I work to achieve that persona, because inwardly, I'm extremely introverted and shy. I'd much prefer to curl up with a good book or a nice mug of coffee and my favorite show and decompress than go...well, anywhere, really. I just am not a people person. So peopling is a lot of work for me, and it just saps my energy to keep up with any holiday hoop-la.

This year, because we had a grandbaby due right at Christmas, we decided to spend it in Tennessee, where I could roll work and pleasure together with a site visit and be there for the birth of the baby, too.  Keith was supposed to join me as soon as the baby was born and stay through Christmas day before heading back to GA, but our plans went sideways when he unexpectedly had to stay home.

Since Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without Poppy, we decided to postpone the gift-giving a couple of weeks and go back up to open presents with our granddaughters then.  This past weekend was a 3-day holiday weekend for me, so it was the perfect time to go back up, have Christmas with the girls, and also see Keith's cousin and his wife, who we're very close to.

This time, all went much closer to plan. I am happy to report that my first trip on my program went well, and even though I didn't pack any food to take with me, I was able to stay well within my calorie counts every day, and make great choices.  So I was very pleased with my progress. Saturday evening, we made plans to meet the cousins for dinner at a local restaurant, and I was surprised to see Keith's cousin looking so exhausted and just....bad.  When he mentioned that he was coming off working 13 days straight with no off-day, I chalked it up to that, and thought nothing more about it.

It wasn't until Monday when we were traveling back to GA that I noticed my sinus pressure building and Keith told me I had probably caught his cousin's cold.

Side note: maybe it's just me....but isn't it common courtesy if you make plans to meet someone to let them KNOW if you're under the weather?? Because apparently, he was. Massively.  

I spent the next three days with some of the most serious sinus pressure I have ever experienced, and only today has it FINALLY started letting up and draining. Of course, that comes with a different set of challenges, but it's infinitely better than feeling like you're head's about to explode.

Needless to say, once the pressure started mounting, all thoughts of logging anything went straight out the window, along with my appetite. I haven't logged any food...even today....since Monday, but I'm quite confident that I haven't come close to my daily caloric limit, either. Tomorrow will be a better day, and although I'm feeling so much better today, I know that it'll be even that much better tomorrow. I'll start worrying about getting back on track with my plan then.  

Life happens. Things will come up, and part of any successful plan is knowing how and when to work around things, and how and when to be kind to yourself.  When you're legitimately sick is exactly such a time.  So...I will start my logging again then. I am STILL making the best choices I can make...I haven't used this as an excuse to jump off the train.  But my log will still be there tomorrow, and so will my food of choice. The best lesson to be learned from this is not to let a pebble on the track derail you.  Locomotives can crush a pebble and keep on chugging like it was never there.

Don't ever sweat the small stuff.  

Reporting In

ow that I'm off and running, I can start looking back to see what I can do better. This week was really smooth until I hit the weekend, and that's when I starting having trouble.  

No....it's not what you think. In fact, if anything, it's quite the opposite.  I'm not eating too MUCH on the weekends, I'm actually eating too little.  During the week, my schedule is defined by my work calendar.  As such, I can set reminders to go off when I need to do things...in my case, like EAT. So...my little bell dings, and I get up and go fix my next meal.  But on the weekends, I don't get that. Consequently, I get up on Saturday morning, fix my breakfast, and start cleaning/organizing/making grocery lists, whatever it is, and before I know it, it's 2:30 and I've literally missed 3 meals that I should have eaten.  That's a problem when you're trying to eat several small meals during the day to keep your metabolic fire stoked and burning properly.  

I think I'm going to have to set some reminder alarms on my phone for the weekends so that I can work on that better.  I want to make sure I'm staying on track every day, and not just during the week.  Consistency is so important. The more consistent I am with this, the more my body responds.

So....I have a game plan for this weekend. Lesson learned. The first of many, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I was able to weigh myself this morning.  First, I lost 7 lbs last week (yay!), and second, I was able to see that first digit drop.  Now I'm officially in the 2's again!  It's still a very long way to One-derland from here, but that's ok. I've made it before and I'll make it again.  This time, I'm going to work on STAYING there instead of just visiting for a minute.

But that's not my only good news. I think the better news is that my body is starting to lose a lot of its normal aches and pains. I'm sleeping a little better (more comfortably), feeling better when I wake up and I've got a bit more energy, too.  I'll take that win any day. It's nice not to feel so old for a change. I'd almost forgotten how good it feels not to have my joints hollering every time I move.

So far, so good. I'm very encouraged by my progress and my mental status right now.  Onward and upward to week 2....

Commitment

here are a lot of excuses people make for not making healthy decisions. Lord knows, I've probably used all the ones you've heard, and made up a few myself.  But by far, my favorite excuse has always been

"I've got to get my head right before I can start."

Now, I know what I mean when I say it, and it sounds Really Good. But the reality, is that it's just another reason I use to keep from doing what I know to do to be healthy....namely, devote the time it takes to prep my food, and get my ass off the couch and moving around a track somewhere.

What I always meant by that statement was that when my head is 'right, everything is clicking, I'm all jazzed up about starting everything up again, I'm motivated, excited, and driven to do the damn thang.

Generally, it is rare that I feel this way until wayyy into the process, when my body starts responding to all the positive changes and my energy starts coming back up to 'normal' levels.  It shouldn't matter where my head's at when I start something, as long as I commit to following through with what I know to be the right course of action.

It's not a head thing....it's a commitment thing.

The question I should be asking myself is whether I'm willing to make a commitment to myself.  I make commitments every day....to my work, to my marriage, to my friends and family, even to my dogs. I never have any trouble with the follow-through on any of them, it's just another thing on my list to attend to.  

So why in the world should it be so different to make a commitment to myself?

What a great question. I wish I had an answer, but the bottom line is that it shouldn't be any different.  A commitment, after all, is a commitment....it shouldn't matter who it's to or what it's about. It only matters that you honor it as much as any other commitment in your life.

Coming into this, I felt like I was kinda shanghaied into getting back into the swing of things, in a way...I had to make a sudden decision and before I knew it, I was committed.  No time to get my head on straight, or to get mentally prepped for the change...the bell rang, and we were off.

Maybe it's better this way. Sometimes I have a tendency to think something to death instead of just getting it over with...sort of like putting alcohol on a cut. You know it's gonna sting, but the longer you think about it, the bigger the sting gets in your mind until you wind up convincing yourself that it's going to be like putting molten lava on your finger and you hit the reject button on the whole thing.  This time, I didn't give myself time to think about it or react....I just acted.

And consequently, I'm very contentedly on day 3 and doing very well, indeed. :) 

New Year, New Goals. 2023, Be Good To Me!

ell, 2023 is here.  A new chance to write a new chapter in a 12 chapter book with 365 pages in it.  I love that concept...the ability to create my own story. 

I've done it before; I can do it again.

It's just a matter of dedicating myself to ME.  That's a really strong statement, and it takes everything I've got, because concentrating on me goes against my very nature. I'm much more inclined to ignore me and concentrate on everyone else.

Why? I wonder...

Why should I be the very least important person of my acquaintance? Why do I deserve less time, less attention, less of everything, than anyone else I know?  I think that deserves some very deep contemplation, because someone, somewhere programmed me to think that way. I don't think that's anyone's natural inclination. In fact, I think our programming would probably more easily go the other way....ME FIRST! LOOK OUT FOR #1!!!

But I've never been that way. I think it's time I find out why.

In the meantime, I've started back on my program, modified slightly to account for the yummy (and healthy!) meals we've been getting from Every Plate each week. I love that I found this company, and am really enjoying their recipes. (In case you're wondering, NO, I am not a 'paid spokesperson' for them, and I am getting nothing for my reviews. I just love their food.)

I plan on having four small meals per day, and then my regular meal in the evening. Breakfast will consist of 2 eggs and half a grapefruit, the other three meals will be 2 oz of chicken and a cup of salad greens or a green vegetable.  

I plan on stopping my coffee intake at noon, and drinking water past that point, and I'm hoping to get in my 8-8's every day.

For now, this is my plan.  Where, you may ask, is the exercise?

Oh, she's coming. Just not quite yet. I think before, I've had an issue with starting too much at once. So for the moment, I'm going to concentrate on getting my food down. February is soon enough to start back with my walks. And maybe, depending on how I feel at that point, I might even start back trying to run a bit in March.

But for now, I'm just gonna concentrate on baby steps. I hope you'll join me on my new journey, and share yours with me as well. Positive support is everything, so if you're struggling, let me know so I can support and pray for you on your journey, too!

Just A Little Catch-Up Post...

t's been quite a long time since I've posted anything, so I guess it's past due.  Honestly, so much has changed in my life since the last time I posted, I'm not even sure where to start, but I'm going to do my best. 

No need to get bogged down in the nitty-gritty, I suppose. Nobody cares about that stuff anyway, lol.  The biggest things that have changed for me is that I am no longer living in the mountains of TN, and I now work from home.

A couple of years ago, Keith's family asked him to come back to GA (temporarily) to help out with the family business.  Long story short....what was meant to be a couple of months turned into a year and a half, during which time we were separated by distance yet again.  Fortunately for me, right about the same time, COVID hit, which caused my work to loosen up their stance regarding working from home. I took the opportunity to prove it could be done....and ultimately, it allowed me to move back to GA permanently. On top of that, I got a huge promotion, which moved me to the regional level, so now, I oversee all facilities in TN and KY.  

Fortunately, I don't have to travel often...but I DO have to travel occasionally, and that's ok. I enjoy traveling as a rule.  Unfortunately, all the upheaval has created a lot of havoc and stress in my personal life, so my health has taken a very, very back seat in the process.

It's time to change that. I'm not getting any younger...in fact, retirement age is approaching at the speed of light, it seems. And I will be damned if I retire out of shape....it's like broadcasting an SOS for the Grim Reaper to come get you NOW. 

No, thank you.

So....it's time to get serious. And by serious, I mean stop talking about it and actually get off my arse.  Yes, it's the middle of winter. Yes, it's cold and wet and rainy and miserable outside. Yes, the holidays are coming up....and yes, I'm headed back to TN for the next two weeks, where snow will be piled up everywhere and I'll be completely out of my normal element.  But none of that means that I can't make a start on something to improve my health. 

It's not just my weight that concerns me.... although that most definitely is the biggest issue. I also have the beginning of Fatty Liver Disease to combat, bad joints to worry about, and extreme and persistent exhaustion to work through.

*sigh*

Just another day in the life. 

I Feel the Need...

September has always been a magical time for me.  There's a change in the air that is almost tangible.  Some of the most amazing things in my life have been borne on an invisible September breeze.  So it comes as no surprise, really, that my blood has started stirring, and I'm once again feeling the urge to start doing something, to start moving again. To feel the steady rhythm of the pavement pounding once again beneath my feet, carrying me away from all the stressful things in my life.

I'm not quite sure how, yet...but I am feeling that inevitable pull again, and I'm excited. For the first time in a very long time, my palms are itching to get started again.  But right now, I'm not quite sure as to what form that may take. I know what's worked for me in the past, and I know what hasn't. And I've learned enough from those experiences to know that I definitely don't want to repeat my mistakes again. 

So, this time, instead of planning things out and tackling it all head on, I think I'm going to take a more organic approach and just let this all develop on its own without me forcing it. I'll report whatever progress I make in whatever form that takes as often as I can...and we'll just see where the magical winds of September blow me. For now, I'd say just blogging two days in a row is quite an accomplishment.

Oh...and I did get my gym bag out of the back of my car.  That counts...right?

Some Days, I Wonder...

• ...if I can make it to work by the skin of my teeth without being late, even though the odds are totally not in my favor.

• ...if I can magically make all the projects stacked on my desk disappear without repercussion.

• ...if I can slide by one more day without stopping by the bank/post office/gas station/pharmacy on my way home.

• ...if I can figure out a way to make a healthy dinner without actually having to cook anything.

• ...if I will ever be able to stop writing 'new start' blog posts again.

The answer to all of these, of course, is 'probably not'. No matter how much I do or do not like it, life happens, and there are days when I'm going to be late, and overwhelmed by work, and just want to get home and have magic stuff happen....and many, many days when I'm going to have to recover from bad decisions.

Three years ago, I had an amazing year of health and wellness. But toward the end of that year, as successful as it was, I began struggling.  Really struggling. And as time wore on, it just kept getting worse and worse. I lost all my motivation, all my drive and determination.  Then I lost my energy.  Then my will.  And before I knew it, I was lost in a very deep hole, surrounded by a fogginess I've never experienced.  I couldn't concentrate, I wasn't capable of focusing or listening to people around me, and I became rude and snarly...completely against my personality. I didn't even realize I was doing it, until my family finally pointed it out.

That's when I decided to talk to my doctor. And boy, am I glad I did.  Turns out that all these issues I was experiencing are pretty par for the course for women my age. It's called 'menopause'. 

Yeah, that.

But 'that' was enough to completely derail me from my path.  No wonder I felt like I was fighting a losing battle...I was!  My doctor was able to prescribe something to help clear the fog and it's amazing the difference it has made in my life.  I am more focused, more able to concentrate, and I'm even starting to feel that old zest-for-life buzz in my veins I've been missing for so long.  It's exciting...and if I'm honest, a little scary, too....the thought of legitimately getting back out there and starting fresh yet again.  What if I fail again? What if I have to start over AGAIN again?

Well....I've had enough practice. I may suck at finishing stuff, but I'm a master at crossing start lines.

So...here's to yet another new beginning. :)

A Slushy Saturday

ome days, it feels like the Universe is conspiring against me.  Some weeks feel the same way.  Between bad weather and unplanned trips, this has been one of those weeks.  Still, I feel like all things considered, I've been doing fairly well, under the circumstances.

In the first ten days of February, I've managed a little over 5 1/2 miles of walking. Not a huge amount, but a huge start for me. Thursday and Friday were beautiful days, and after a LOT of rain earlier in the week, I had planned to make a two or three mile day out of both days...but Keith and I had to make an unscheduled trip to Knoxville on Thursday afternoon to pick up a load of tile, which took FOREVER, and the load was so heavy it actually put one of the tires on the dump trailer off its rim.  Considering the load we had to pull 100 miles back home, that was a lot of fun to fix. In the cold.  And dark.  Needless to say, we got home in the wee hours of the morning. Safe, but exhausted.  The lack of sleep forced me to take an unplanned day off of work on Friday, and I slept a lot of the day away.  I guess part of the reality of getting older is admitting to yourself you just can't pull crazy stunts and burn the midnight road trip oil like you could even ten years earlier.

Of course, today is rainy and cold...a really slushy day, so I won't get any mileage in today, either.  But I do have a lot of housework to look forward to, so I'll be burning a lot of calories, regardless.  I sure will be glad when the weather turns.

Despite the lack of mileage, my eating has been really good, and I'm pleased with my overall progress.  Slow and steady wins the race, and I've said often that I don't care how long it takes me to get there....just as long as I do.  And I am definitely headed in the right direction.

Monday, our daughter Jessica will be coming up from Atlanta for a work week, and I am really looking forward to spending some time with her.  It will be a challenge to keep my mileage streak going, with the temptation to come straight home being very strong.  So I will do what I can to walk on my lunch break as much as I can. I will still have to work late, but at least it will save some time.

I really miss not being able to blog from work. I really like putting my feelings down on paper in the mornings while my thoughts are still fresh.  Hopefully, my computer will stop having issues and I'll be able to get back to blogging more regularly. Or maybe I can find a better solution.  Until then, I'll probably just post on the weekends as I can.

What about you? What is the weather like in your part of the world?  What are you doing to make today count toward your goals?

Weigh-in Wednesday

've been having a lot of trouble posting from my work computer, so yes...I'm way overdue. But despite appearances to the contrary, I'm actually doing very well right now!  As of this morning, I'm down almost 13 pounds this month, and I'm fairly comfortably on the food wagon, which was the goal I set for myself this month. I really wanted to concentrate on getting back in the habit of food prepping each morning, and sticking to my program. Mostly, I've done that.  Interestingly enough, this past Monday, I had a really hard battle with the need to go completely off the wagon. I did cave...but I did it as healthily as my inner drive would allow.  And at the end of the day, I had gone over my calorie goal by about 100 points.  Not terrible...definitely not where I wanted to be, especially after a dismally depressing POINT 2 pound loss last week.  But...lo and behold, this week, a six pound loss!  Looking back, I have to wonder if maybe my metabolism kicking into high gear this week isn't what triggered those unholy cravings on Monday. 

Things that make you go 'hmmm...'

 During this entire month, my head has not been where it needed to be. Every day has been a struggle of 'but I don't wanna!' with my inner child.  The difference has been that I have actually voiced that to a couple of people, and just the fact that I allowed myself to speak that out loud seemed to break the spell it had over me.  Before, I wouldn't let myself get started if I had to start in that funky mental mood, preferring to 'get my head right' first.

What a crock.

My mind may control my body, but my head doesn't need to be 'in the right place' in order for my body to function. I can think...and voice...whatever I want to, just as long as I don't drop the ball in the process.  Making myself wait was just an excuse like so many others to not have to start my journey yet. I am coming to terms with that....just another lesson I'm learning through this process.  My inner child can pout and whine, and cry, and throw as many tantrums as it wants to, but at the end of the day, that room had still better be clean.

So...in the exercise category…I've gotten out a couple of times, walked a half mile here and there over the past four weeks...nothing substantial. Mileage wasn't my goal this month.  Building a good foundation was.

Mileage won't be my goal in February, either.  But getting myself moving while maintaining the progress I've made with my eating habits will be.  I've got a mileage goal in mind (not a big one), but that's just to give me something to shoot for in order to keep me moving.  And with all the snow and cold weather, if that means getting on my Dreadmill at home, then that is what I will have to make myself do. (Just writing those words was enough to trigger my inner child.)

By the way....my head IS coming around, slowly (very slowly), but surely. ;) I'd call that a win, any day.

How about you?  Are you working toward a goal? What is it, and what are you doing to obtain it?