Birthday Sweat!

Holy cow, what a great birthday I've had!!  I feel like I've been celebrating all weekend long!!  Yesterday was my actual birthday, and I hadn't really planned anything special for that day, because we'd had such a great weekend, so it was just going to be another day, haha.

Not.  I have the best family, friends, and coworkers EVER. 

At work, it's tradition for everyone to gather around the birthday cake and present the group card whilst singing happy birthday.  At 8:00 in the morning, no less.  Great way to start your day with a major sugar rush, AND destroy your calorie count, to boot.  Months ago, I told Tracy, "friends don't let friends die from sugar overdoses on their birthday....don't you dare get me a cake this year!"  And true friend that she is, she didn't.  Instead, she specially made me an on-plan dessert that everyone could share that was much more feasible for early-morning consumption, anyway.  It was made with graham crackers, cool-whip and lots of fresh berries, and incredibly delish!  I wanted to get a pic, but honestly, these cretins I work with sucked it up so quickly, I didn't get a chance. (Just kidding...I was the one dishing it out, lol...but seriously, it really was beautiful.)

All day long, my phone was dinging with well-wishes from family and friends.  My co-worker took me out to lunch at my favorite sushi place, where I got this totally awesome fortune in my cookie (as if I don't get 'special' stuff from people all the time...my life is charmed, I swear).  And people kept poking their heads in my door all day to tell me happy birthday.  It was awesome.





Last night, I had a 3 mile run scheduled, so I decided to go ahead and work a couple of hours of overtime to let the heat of the day dissipate a bit before I hit the trail.  It worked out pretty well, actually, and I'll probably do that again on Thursday.  It was overcast, but nice and cool...or so I thought, until I actually started running.  Then the humidity took over to the point that I felt like I was running through molasses.  Gah!  The sweat was streaming into my eyes and burning so bad, I couldn't hold them open to see.  By the time I got done, I was a steamy hot mess, for sure.  But I felt so good, being done!  What better way to fight old age than to kick it in the teeth with a birthday run?



Yes, Lawd.  That's me...serious hot mess, and loving every second of it!

As I was walking back to the car, a song came on the radio.  Fairly new...I've only heard it a couple of times, and never really paid attention to the words, but this time the chorus stuck in my head:

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Yes, Lawd.  That's me...fighting all the way.  I'll take that song, and make it my battle cry.  Five months in, and I'm still going strong.  This time, I'm gonna get this done.  I have to...my life depends on it.

Memorial Weekend Wrap-Up

Wow! What an incredible, awesome weekend this was! My batteries are totally recharged right now. But it didn't start out that way...

Thursday, I didn't feel well all day.  Nothing discernable, just really rough.  I was very glad it wasn't a run day, but the longer the day went on, the worse I felt.  And by the time I fell into bed, it was bad.  Friday morning, I called in sick and went back to sleep, nursing both head and tummy problems that stuck around for most of the day.  We had planned on friends coming in to spend the weekend, but they had to cancel at the last minute. As much as I was looking forward to the visit, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a relief.  I'd have had to feel better to die.

Fortunately, by mid-afternoon, the worst of it had passed, and I felt well enough to head out for my run that evening after the worst of the heat had dissipated.  Nothing to write home about, but it was a solid run, and considering that I hadn't thought I'd be running at all that morning, I was incredibly relieved to have it behind me.

Saturday, Keith had to work again, so I spent the day Spring cleaning (so cathartic!), running errands, and playing with the two new little additions to our household that Lugnut found and brought to us to raise.  I can't say we don't have need of a couple of extra mousers around the place, so these little guys will have to earn their keep.  Judging by the signs, that is something they will have no problem doing.  Meet Hemi and Boss...the newest additions to our 'garage' household.  They already think Gojo is their mama. Go figure.

Saturday evening was rounded out with a little TV and some good food, and I went to bed with a serious feeling of accomplishment on both our behalves. 

Sunday was another day spent doing a little of this and that, but it was also another run day, so I headed out early to get it done before the heat took over.  Since this was my long run day, I wrapped my knee up good and headed back to 'the hill', which is grueling on the out leg, but well worth it in terms of being the longest stretch of decent terrain that doesn't cross major traffic.  Besides, hill training is just as important and beneficial as any other kind of training.  And I had a brand new pair of Brooks Ariels to break in...ha ha.

I started out great.  I felt fresh, the air was crisp and cool, I was running in shade...life was beautiful.  Until...about 15 minutes into my run, my phone decided to do a reset, which effectively wiped out the first part of my run. :(

What to do at that point, except to start the run over?  Which is exactly what I did.  I restarted from the beginning, and kept. freaking. running.

It was hard, but it was worth it.  I've had better paces, admittedly, but it is always a unique feeling to overcome an obstacle.  My phone crapping out on me definitely qualified for that.  I ran farther than I have so far, AND on that damned hill, and I made it.  I finished strong, and I kept my running streak intact.

And on the way back down the hill, I even managed to snap a quick shot of some of the beautiful scenery that the Tweetsie Trail has to offer....if one can manage to take their eyes off the gravel long enough to look, that is.

We spent a relaxing evening recovering from the day's events, and gearing up for Monday.  Even though Tuesday is my actual birthday, I'm having to work today, so Keith wanted to celebrate Monday, instead.

Can I just take a moment to express my gratitute at having my birthday fall near or on a major holiday weekend every year?  True awesomeness.

But, I digress.  We've been trying to get out more on the weekends, and spend a bit more time with the big boys in the process.  So Monday morning, we loaded them up and headed into town, where we started with a great breakfast at a local little mom and pop we know about.  There is something about starting a weekend adventure with a leisurely breakfast and lingering over coffee that does a body good.  Just sayin'...

After breakfast, we headed up to the Lake Watauga Dam recreation area to hike a bit and let the boys swim in the lake.  They truly love the water, and since we only have runoff streams on our property at the moment, we try to get them either to a river or the lake anytime we can.

This was the first time Luggie has ever encountered boat wake.  He went nuts!  It was so much fun to watch him plowing through the waves.  Even though he enjoyed it too, Gojo was much more laid-back about it.  We walked from the observation building all the way around and down to the lake, then around the shoreline as far as we could go before heading back up the hill.  In all, we made a nice little loop, and found a great little sheltered and private picnic table we didn't know existed.  It will make the perfect lunch spot next time we gather the troops and head up for a picnic!


I did have one close call while there...and of course, it happened at the farthest point away from the restrooms.  Nature called with a vengeance, and I wasn't sure I'd make it.  But I did...and got in quite a nice little pace trying to get there, lol.  Gotta get it in when you can, eh?

We weren't trying to break any records with this hike.  I wasn't in it for the mileage or the time...I just wanted a record of my activity.  So, it was a pleasant, non-taxing morning, spent with my best boys, and a perfect way to start off my birthday.

Once we got home, Tracy joined us, and Keith threw some steaks on the grill that I had been marinating since Saturday.  While those were grilling, I baked some sweet potatoes, tossed a nice salad, and sauteed some vidalia onions and fresh mushrooms.  Oh, it was all so yummy!  I couldn't have asked for better.  And the best part?  All on-plan! SCORE.

I almost forgot to mention that I did manage to drag my sorry, sick butt out of bed Friday morning long enough to weigh in...another .8 pounds gone! Yay, me! :)  How was your weekend? 


Intervals!

It was a good day to run intervals...not too hot, not too sunny, not too overcast.  Not too anything, really.  And by the time I was able to get out on the track, it was late enough in the day not to be too populated, either.

Except for that guy.  The one who had no business being out there, strolling along in his flip-flops talking non-stop on his phone, meandering around the track and the infield, and wandering in and out of the inside lane like he owned it.  I almost brained him, because he was seriously messing with my chi.  Intervals are my favorite.  I look forward to them all freaking week, so when somebody screws with my vibe, it pisses me off.

Enough, in fact, that I actually missed when the app called the end of the workout and kept running, heh heh.  Serves me right.

Really, though....who does that??

My splits weren't too shabby, and although, as usual, it felt like I was running through molasses (especially at the end), I still managed to get some pretty good paces in, my fastest being a sub 10:00. Not sure why the intervals won't upload...so you'll have to make do with a pic of the mileage paces. I just wish I could sustain even the slowest of those paces for longer than a minute or two.  I'd be happy, I swear.  I know it will come in time, but it's just so frustrating to be able to have it so tantalizingly close and not be able to grasp it. And believe me when I tell you that I'm giving it everything I've got, leaving it all on the track.  My legs are complete noodles when I've finished, I promise.

Still...the feeling when you're done...

I walked a couple of laps after I quit running, mainly just enjoying the evening.  The shadows were growing really long across the field, and my shadow looked like a compass.  I thought it was funny, so I took a pic.  That's me, awright.... no body, allllll legs.

One day soon, those legs will carry me across a finish line not too far away.  And one day, not soon after that, another.  And then another...

I love running so much.  Not sure why I ever stopped.  There's nothing like that feeling of accomplishment when you're done.  They call it the 'runner's high', but that's just the physical side.  The mental side is just as much of a rush, if not more so.  It's what self-empowerment feels like, and it's awesome.

After I got done, I had to run by the store and pick up a few things we were out of.  It was getting pretty late, and I was starving by then.  I was also still at least an hour away from dinner, and somehow, I found myself in the Kind bar aisle.  Kinda funny how that happens...     

The kind I usually get (Cashew and Ginger Spice) was out because I bought up all they had last weekend (heh heh), so I had to choose a different kind and wound up with this little gem.  Holy moly, was it good!  Sweet, but not sweet enough to trigger anything (only 5g of sugar), and so satisfying!  I was a happy camper, for real. 

I've really gotten to where I love these bars in a way I never thought I would love any kind of protein or energy bar.  Every bite feels like I'm doing something good for my body, and feeding it real nutrition.  Maybe it's hype....maybe it's packaging....but with only about six ingredients (all of which I have no problem pronouncing), I will live with it if I'm wrong.

Change of Plans

You know what they say about the best-laid plans....but they don't always 'gang awry'.  Sometimes, they turn out even better.

Yesterday was a day like that.  I had to work late, and in order to get all my overtime in AND my running, the only way I could figure to do it was to run at the gym at work.  The skies were either threatening or dumping buckets all day, so as much as I detest treadmills, I figured I'd just go ahead and suck it up one time.  Keith also had an MRI scheduled for his knee last night, so I was hoping to score some sushi after my run, since both of us would be in town (very rare during the week).

When I left work, it was late.  But although the sky was cloudy, it wasn't raining.  The weather was cool-ish, with a very light breeze, and the campus was pretty empty of cars and traffic, so I thought...why not?  Why go to the gym when I can suck it up and run out here?  Normally, I don't like to do that because there are so many hills here on station, but it's good to train on hills, too even if it's not so good for pace times when you're a rookie.

By the time I finished my run, I was drenched in sweat and my glasses were fogged up so bad, I almost couldn't see.  I worked hard on this run, and it felt like I'd really accomplished something.  No, my time wasn't my best, but I think it was probably the best on hills for that distance. 

You can see how hilly it was on the green graph, but again, I managed to keep my pace pretty darn constant, as shown in the blue.  I'm pretty proud of that.  When it was all said and done, I ended up with a 14:52 pace.  Not my fastest, but not too shabby, and I'm pretty happy with it.

The best part, though, was getting the pot o' gold at the end of the run....SUSHI.  This is my current favorite meal, mainly because it's completely guilt-free for me.  Everything in the meal is completely on point, so I can enjoy it to my heart's content.  I even finished the day with calories to spare, which is what I like doing.  I never like to use all my quota, except on very special occasions or sporadic events.  When you make it a habit, your progress stalls...and I'm still working to hit my 50 pound goal this week.

The dinner was incredible, as always.  The company was even better.  Keith and I had an awesome meal, catching up on the day's events, and just spending time with each other.  It didn't hit me until I got in the car to go home that it was already 9:30pm and we were still 45 minutes from home!  I wound up not getting in the bed until 10:30...an hour and a half past my bedtime...but it was totally worth it.  Not just for the meal, either.  I truly love spending time with my husband...it's always special.

Next run....Wednesday!

An Actively Active Weekend

Crazy...but there is a difference between just happening to get some unscheduled activity in and actually making extra stuff happen.  The difference is planning.  Just sayin'.

I had a 50 minute long run scheduled for Saturday, and I really wanted to run it before the heat of the day kicked in.  I really love running early in the morning...used to do it all the time before I got a job that had me leaving the house at 6am to be at work by 6:45.  I digress...early morning runs leave me super-energized and ready for the day, regardless of what it brings.  The early morning air is fresh and ripe with possibility, and I love running when there is very little traffic, a whole lot of birdsong, and a sky full of sunrise....just lifts me right on up.

Since Keith had some errands to do in town, I suggested we ride in together, and he could drop me off and run his errands while I ran, after which we could go grab a bite of breakfast (or in my case, after-breafast).  He agreed, so we left the house around 6am, and the sun was breaking over the mountains when I finally got going.  I felt really good and really strong during the run, contributable, I'm sure, to the low temp/humidity, and I thought I was making pretty good time...until I hit the turn-around point.  After that...it was all uphill. Blech.

The graph at the top says it all.  The good part of this, I guess, is that regardless of the grade change (so evident in the green), my pace (in the blue) stayed relatively steady.  I was pretty proud of that.  My pace?  Meh...15:12.  I would have liked it to have been better, but I still have my training wheels on, I guess. For a long run at this stage of the game, it ain't bad.  It could be better, though.

The funny part of all this was that right at the end of my run, Keith showed back up and took a few pics so I could see my...*cough* form (or lack thereof).  In all fairness, I had asked him to do that if he got back soon enough, but holy cow...they're actually laughable.  There's a meme on the internet that describes it perfectly...that feeling of flying while you're running.  Everything is syncing in your body, it's all coming together, you feel the muscles stretch out and your form gels...and then you see a pic of yourself.

 I look like I was walking. Yes, I was finishing up a four-mile run. Yes, it was all uphill the second half.  Yes, this was at the very end.  But...but.....

*sigh*

I know, I know...these things take time.  But damn.

On the flip side, my shirt is literally bagging off of me.  SCORE (and time to retire this shirt. srsly.).

I spent the rest of the day cleaning house, which made me feel awesome, in spite of my crappy form.  And Sunday, we headed out to take our boys for a hike on the Appalachian Trail.

Our boys love to go hiking, and they love swimming even more.  They have free roam of the woods around our house, so it's not nature they're digging...it's time with us.  So we do our best to do something with them every weekend, even if it's just a car ride to the store.  Yesterday, we headed up to Dennis Cove.  As hiking on the AT goes, it's a pretty level stretch, and that was a huge consideration, since Keith's still wearing a knee brace. 
He can't go far without his knee killing him, so we figured this would be a good way to stretch a bit, spend time with the boys, enjoy nature and each other's company, and do it all without him spending the rest of the day in pain.  We walked about a mile to the river and parked under the bridge while they played in the water...their absolute favorite thing, lol.  Had we gone any farther, the path would have started climbing pretty steeply, and Keith didn't feel that was in his best interest, so we chilled for a while, and I got some really good pics of the boys.

 They move so much, it's really hard to get a good face shot without it blurring, lol.  But Lugnut was feeling kind of lazy, so I was able to get him pretty easily today, and you can see those HUGE eyes he has.  Gojo (black) is still a bit skittish when strangers come around, although he is doing MUCH better.  But when a group of hikers crossed the bridge above us, you could see the trepidation in his face. 

He really is such a good boy...both of them are.  And the more he gets socialized, the better and easier he is to handle.  This hike was by far the best yet, he pulled very little on the leash, and didn't shy away from anyone.  As a matter of fact, he even stuck his nose out for pets a couple of times...definite win!

 On the way back home, I got a great shot of the valley below us as we descended the mountain.  That's the town of Hampton in the pic, and the far mountains are in the direction of Johnson City.  It really was a beautiful day for hiking...a bit overcast with a light breeze, and the temp was awesome.

We stopped on our way through Hampton to get the boys an ice cream cone at    McDonalds, thinking it would be an awesome treat for them...but Gojo only ate it half-heartedly, and Luggie wouldn't touch it, even when I smooshed it on his snout.  So much for treats...guess I'll stick to the Dogster peanut butter and cheese flavored doggie ice cream I get in the store...they LOVE that stuff.

All in all, I got in 4 miles of running on Saturday, and 2 miles of hiking on Sunday, my off-run day.  Sunday afternoon was spent just chilling out, and catching up on emails and Netflix episodes....perfect for decompressing. 

I woke up this morning, feeling awesome, and ready to start my week, which is gonna be another long one.  Keith has an MRI scheduled for tonight at the hospital where I work, so I'm planning on going to the gym to run on the treadmill after work.  We should be getting done about the same time, and I'm hoping he will take me to dinner at the sushi place across the street when we're done.  That's the plan, anyway.  I hate running on treadmills, and so far on this journey, I've been able to avoid it.  But if there is sushi at the end of the run, it will be worth it.

This morning, I was blessed with this view from the parking lot when I got to work.  So inspiring to watch the sunrise over the mountains!  Of course, it would probably be a lot more inspiring if I were watching it from my own living room.  Just sayin'....

The Status Quo

Yesterday was a run day, and my training schedule had me running for 2 1/2 miles.  That was good, I thought...I can stretch out my muscles and put to use all that wisdom I had gained on Tuesday.

*snort*

I did not have a bad run...not at all.  It was a good, steady run...even though I felt like I was putting a lot of extra effort into it.  But just because I can sustain bursts of speed for short intervals doesn't necessarily mean that I can do it for distances yet, and it's probably going to be a good while before I can.


Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I had it all figured out that, regardless of what I knew to be true, I was still going to just sprout wings and fly around that track.  Real life ain't that way. 

Yes, it will come in time.  No, it won't be tomorrow. Or even the next day.  But it will come.  It's just like the weight loss....as long as I put in the effort, the results will come, and I am learning to trust in that process a little more every day.

It's interesting that I've noticed in the past few weeks that in conjunction with me learning to trust, my focus has shifted from the weight loss aspect of this journey more towards the fitness aspect.  I am supercharged right now with respect to my running....can't wait to get out there every other day.  And I am so focused on what I need to do with that, with what I need to do to improve that, that I have pretty much just shut out the fact that I'm trying to lose weight along with all this.

This morning, I woke up and was halfway through my morning ritual before I realized it was Friday...weigh in day!  I gave a yelp and rushed to jump on the scale...233.2...down another two pounds for a total of 47.8 pounds lost.  Only 2.2 pounds to go to hit my 50 pound goal.

That's pretty freaking exciting, no doubt.  But I'm actually not looking as forward to meeting that goal as much as I am to hitting the 55.5 pounds lost mark....that is my halfway point!  Still, it's a pretty nice way to end the week and start the new one...and I'm happy.

The Turtle Mentality

For as long as I've been running, I've been slow. Granny slow.  Worse...turtle slow.  Even though I've been a superfast walker all my life, I've always been a slow runner.  I proved this to myself in elementary school, when they put us on the track for the Presidential Physical Fitness Test (which I never, ever passed).  No matter what grade I was in, all the way through school, I was always, always the last one on the track, laps behind everyone else.  So when I started running for myself, I never expected to have any speed at all.  In fact, I made jokes about it. 

Yes, I'm a turtle.  And I'm proud of it!

 

I set...and beat...goals around it.

I just didn't want to be the last little turtle in the pond. And I wasn't...at the end of the race, there were several little turtles behind me.

And I told myself that it was ok that I was slow. At least I was moving, and no matter how slow, I was lapping everybody sitting on their couch eating bonbons.

But what I never took into account was that in school, no one ever teaches you how to run.  Maybe if you're in track, but that's only after you've proven yourself to be a fairly decent runner to begin with.  But for a standard, run-of-the-mill student, you can either run or you can't. Most of us have at least a modicum of physical grace and ability, and we are born with a natural knowledge of how to move at a faster pace than walking.  But that doesn't mean that we know the mechanics behind it, or how to put that information to use.

Back when I first started out, I never worried about my speed....after all, I was a turtle.  I accepted my turtle-fate and concentrated instead on my stamina. I figured if I could add a little more distance each day, then I'd be able to finish a race, no matter how long it took to do it.  After all...it wasn't the time that counted (as long as I wasn't DAL), it was the fact that I made it over the finish line at all.  THAT was what was important.

As a turtle, I did great.  I got out on that track and plodded away on my own every day.  I made great progress with that philosophy....it got me through three races, even though I DID finish DAL in the last one.  If I broke a 15:00 pace, I figured I was lucky enough to have caught a good tail wind, and moved on. 

It never...not once...occurred to me that I could improve.  That maybe...just maybe...I wasn't really a turtle.

This program that I'm on has taught me much in terms of my own limitations.  I started it just to help me get back into running, and maybe make enough progress to be ready to tackle the Covered Bridge 5k next month.  But over the last few weeks, it has become so much more than that....it has actually trained me how to run.  And the proper training...understanding what I'm doing, how and why...has made all the difference.  Yesterday, I found out something about myself...

I found out that I am not a turtle.

No one that can run a minute at a sub 10:00 pace could be considered a turtle...least of all someone that can consistently nail 13 intervals, all at a sub 13:00 pace, most of which are sub 12:00 or better.  And after the third interval (all three of which were sub 11:00), I realized that even running at a slower pace, I was running much easier.  Instead of clumping along with my head down (my usual gait), somehow over the last few weeks, my head had lifted and my stride had lengthened.  After the third interval, I finally started running.

And it felt amazing.

I have never felt less like a turtle than I do right now.  I understand that not all days will be like this one....not all runs will be awesome.  Some will totally suck.  But I also understand that I will get out of every run exactly what I am willing to put into it...nothing less.  I have learned that my limitations are in my mind, not in my body.  My body is built to perform...it is built to succeed.  But it can only do what my mind allows it to do.  Just like my eating is controlled by what my mind is telling me I want, rather than what my stomach tells me I need, my physical body is capable of so much more than I have allowed it to be for the past 50+ years.

I still have an incredible amount of work ahead of me before I will be able to sustain a good pace for miles.  There are weeks and months and years of time ahead to build on what I learned about myself yesterday.  The important part of this is that now I know that I am capable of so much more than I ever imagined I could be...that I was not shortchanged in the ability department when bodies were being assigned.  I have just as much of a chance to succeed...to create my own run...as anyone else out there.  No, I will probably never be a top-seeded runner....nor would I really want to be.  But I do have the ability to reach the one dream I've always considered out of my reach:  to run a race in the center of the pack instead of the back.

Now, I know that I can do that....and do it well.  And you can bet that I will.  Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even this year, although I will be racing this year.  But it will come.  Of that, I have no doubt.

 

Weekend Wrap-Up

Friday afternoon, I was scheduled for intervals, but I left work so early, I knew the heat was going to do me in if I ran right then.  So...I went shopping to kill time.

Shopping and I have a love/hate relationship.  More like hate/hate, actually.  I'm not one of those people who love to go. It feels way more like a chore to me, and always has...maybe because I have such a weird body type and it's so hard to find stuff that fits right.  As a super heavy person, it just complicates things to be short waisted and super-long legged.  They just don't make stuff to fit me, and that's the truth.  Generally, when I find something that fits, I will wear it until it literally falls apart on me, and even then I'll patch it for as long as I can.

When I started losing the weight back in January, it took a couple of months to start really being able to tell the difference in my clothes.  But when I could finally start to tell, it was more that my clothes were actually starting to fit correctly again, instead of being so distended it looked like they were painted on. I decided then that I was not going to buy more clothes until these were practically falling off of me, since whatever I bought would just be transitional clothing anyway, and I'd have to replace it in a couple of months after that.  When my weight is in the right range, I will not mind spending money for good clothing, but right now, it just seems like such a waste (even though I know mama's gotta have clothes at any size).

Last week, I felt so sloppy.  Like I was going to be walking down the hall and lose my pants, sloppy.  I could hold out the seams on both sides and feel like a good stiff breeze would pick me up like the Flying Nun. The material no longer touched my skin anywhere but my waist, so I knew that it was time. With so much time to kill, Friday seemed like the perfect time.

It took a trip to four different stores before I was able to find anything, but I wound up with three new pairs of pants, a tank top and an overblouse.  And the best thing?  The size.

Here comes the first paradigm shift of my journey...the stuff the girl in the mirror doesn't/can't relate to:

I am now in a size 16. 

Holy God. Down four sizes from a size 24. I had no idea I had lost that much. I knew it was significant, just not that significant.  I made sure that the stuff I bought was stretchy enough or was slightly snug so that it would take me as far as possible, and I doubt very much that I will be buying much more for a while...but I think I am still in shock over this amazing NSV.

By the time I was done, the heat of the day had disbursed enough for me to run without melting into the pavement.  The whole way, I felt like I was struggling mightily....my legs were water, my energy nonexistant.  But my splits told a different story:

 Not sure why these times are slightly different than when I first ran them, but on Friday, my fastest interval registered at 10:00 even (now it's showing as 10:03).

OMG...a ten minute pace.

In my whole life, I've never hit a ten minute pace, not even for a minute (which is all this was).  I never even thought it was possible for me to run that fast...although I'm not sure why I thought that.  Maybe because it seemed so far out of my reach..?  I've always been such a turtle, I guess I thought I always would be.  And yet...here I am, running a ten minute interval.  Not only one, but several were in the ten minute range.  And all the rest were in the elevens.

I sat in my car and bawled.  And then I called Keith, who immediately freaked out, thinking that something was wrong, that I had injured myself.  It took me a minute to calm down enough to explain why I was crying, but then we both laughed our heads off...in an excited, celebratory way.  It was a really, really good feeling.

Saturday was supposed to be my Mother's Day, so we headed to Bristol for the day, stopped for lunch at a nice little Greek restaurant we're both fond of (greek salads...yum!), then took the boys to the park for a nice long walk beside the river, and a swim.  They love swimming, and since we don't really have any open water around the house (yet!), it's a real treat for them when they get to ride anywhere, but especially when it involves a swim. It also allowed me to get in a bonus mile-long walk, so I was pretty happy about that.

Once they let us know they were done swimming, we headed back to the house and dropped them off before heading to one of my favorite restaurants up here...a seasonal place called the Captain's Table, which sits directly on Lake Watauga.  The view is phenomenal, and the food is really good.  We lingered over wine (which I had earned enough extra calories for, thanks to my impromptu walk), and enjoyed the sunset over the water before heading back to the house.

Sunday morning was another run day, this time a 2 1/2 miler, and because I had lots I wanted/needed to do around the house, I decided to get up early to get a good jump on the day's heat (and traffic).  I felt pretty good for most of the duration, but my knee felt twingy toward the end, so I eased up a bit on the backstretch.  Still...I had a respectable 14:45 pace for the run portion, and I can see it inching its way faster with every run.  I love measurable progress!

Unfortunately for me, by the time I got home, my knee was screaming, and I was fighting an unexplained nausea for the rest of the day, so I basically just took it easy and laid on the couch, catching up on Netflix.  I needed the rest, so it didn't hurt me any. 

This week is gonna be a tough one.  Lots of overtime, and runs on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.  I will make it, no worries.  I'm feeling decidedly better this morning, my knee feels solid again, and I had a lovely sunrise over the mountains in my rearview to enjoy on my way to work.  Just wish I'd been heading into instead of away from.  Oh well, all good things in time, I suppose.

How was your weekend?  Do anything fun?  How did you celebrate Mother's Day...or did you?  What are your plans for the week?

The Process

Even though I know that my body is changing, building muscle as it's losing fat, it was still a bit discouraging to step on the scale last week and see no change.  I accounted this more to going out of town for the weekend and eating (and drinking) things I don't normally partake of, but it was still a success that I didn't gain.  That being said, I have noticed (and so has Keith) that my body has shifted significantly this past week, so I think I would have been much more disappointed today had I stepped on the scale to no change again than I was last week.  Last week, I was kind of prepared for that.

Fortunately, I was not disappointed. After two weeks, I finally saw a lower number: 235.2, for a total of 45.8 pounds lost so far. That also puts me in a lower BMI level, so I can mark another goal off my list, and that makes me very happy.

Goal	Significance	Date Met	Actual Weight
	Starting Weight, BMI 41 (severely obese)	10/14/2014	281
279	New Decade	1/5/2015	277.6
278	BMI 40	1/5/2015	277.6
271	BMI 39	1/12/2015	270.2
269	New Decade	1/16/2015	268.8
264	BMI 38	1/27/2015	263.6
259	New Decade	2/13/2015	257.8
257	BMI 37	2/20/2015	254.6
256	25 POUNDS LOST!!	2/20/2015	254.6
250	BMI 36	3/13/2015	246.6
249	New Decade	3/13/2015	246.6
243	BMI 35 (no longer severely obese, now just obese)	4/2/2015	241.8
239	New Decade	4/17/2015	238.8
236	BMI 34	5/8/2015	235.2
231	50 POUNDS LOST!!
229	New Decade, BMI 33
222	BMI 32
219	New Decade
216	BMI 31
209	New Decade, BMI 30
206	75 POUNDS LOST!!
202	BMI 29 (no longer obese, now just overweight)
199	New Decade, Onederland!
195	BMI 28
189	New Decade
188	BMI 27
181	BMI 26, 100 POUNDS LOST!!!
179	New Decade
174	BMI 25
170	GOAL!!!
169	New Decade
167	BMI 24 (no longer overweight)

I've really done a lot of soul searching the past couple of days against the possibility that I would see no change, and it made me realize that I'm really starting to accept the process part of this journey.  I've heard 'trust the process' so often, but I'm not sure that I really understood what that really meant until now. 

Simply put, the process is what I do every day; putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that I am taking every step I can take toward a healthier life.  That may or may not show on the scale, but it shows in my body.  It shows in my mind.  It shows in my attitude.  It shows in my ability...physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It registers in every aspect of my life that the steps I am taking are not wasted steps; they are, in fact, carrying me to the place I'm aiming for.

Those steps can just as easily take me the other way if I turn around.  But even if I never lose another pound, as long as I continue with this process that I am on, I will be healthier. And I will be happier.  And that means that I will achieve my ultimate goal.

This process is not a quick-fix until I get all the weight off.  My goal is not a numerical one, although I do use numbers to measure my progress.  It is the way I choose to live my life from now on.  Slowly, I am coming to terms with the fact that accountability will always need to be factored into everything I do for the rest of my life, and that probably means that from now on, I will log in my food on a daily basis, and I will stay on some form of structured exercise program that I can tick off the proverbial checklist as I work toward a goal.  For me, that's what keeps me sane and motivated.

How I am eating now is not a crash diet that I will get sick of tomorrow; it is sustainable.  I am teaching myself to make the best choices for nutrition, in the right quantities for my body.  I am allowing for the occasional 'treat', not beating myself up over a bad day, but allowing it to motivate me to work harder the next.  Not limiting myself to any type of food has made me want the good stuff even more, and I am at a very good place right now; content with the decisions I am making, and not feeling deprived over the stuff I 'can't have'.  I'm just choosing not to eat it, and frankly, the better the choices I make, the more I find that I don't want the stuff I shouldn't eat, anyway.

Basically, I'm in the sweet spot right now.  And I'm enjoying every minute of it.  If that means that I don't register a loss on the scale next week, then I will the week after.  I know that because I am trusting the process that has gotten me this far, and I know that as long as I am taking all the steps, and I am aimed in the right direction, I will get there eventually.  It's just a matter of time.

I'm in no rush.  I've got the rest of my life to get it right.

Rain and Heat

It was pouring when I left work yesterday afternoon.  Big huge drops in a driving rain...just the kind you look forward to running in (KIDDING).  I was hating life for about five minutes.  That was how long it took to get out from under the little black cloud.  The rest of the sky was gorgeous.

(shrug)

Anyway, the track was steamy-wet when I got there, and although there was a cool after-breeze from the recent shower, I could tell from the way the sun was already beating down again that it wasn't going to last.

It didn't.  The heat turned brutal quickly, and I was very glad I had hydrated semi-well before my run.  In retrospect, I could have drank more, and I probably should have eaten a bit more, as well, but all things considered, I held out pretty well.    The last half a mile was brutal.  My body completely tanked, and fought me tooth and nail to stop, but I was able to keep on by reminding myself that the biggest part of the battle was in my head, not my body, and that it wasn't going to kick my butt!  That helped...a lot.  Boy, if I could just remember that the fattest part of my body is my brain, it would solve so many issues...

My time wasn't awesome.  I'd have liked to have seen a lower number, but I guess anything less than a 15:00 pace was probably pretty good.  I'm really struggling with my runs this week, and I think that it's directly related to how early in the afternoon I'm running, as opposed to my usual 6:30-7:00pm run time.  I think that works for me much better, because it's so much cooler then. 

I really wish I could have a schedule that would allow me to run first thing in the morning, and I wish even more that I had a good place to run that was close enough to the house that I could run, then go back to the house to shower and dress for work.  I'd run in the dark for that...I've done it before.  It just starts my day so much better when I can do that.  But that's not gonna happen...unless someone decides to relocate the high school out to the boonies.  I'm just gonna have to keep sucking it up.

I can do that.

Surprises

I have made it a goal this week to not work any overtime.  I need a break, and next week will be back to the old grind, but getting off at 3:30 every day after so much OT for so long seems like vaycay.  The great part is that I get home BEFORE exhaustion sets in, and there's plenty of time to do stuff still (case in point; we grilled last night....heaven!).  The bad part?  Having to run before the heat of the day has had a chance to dissipate.

Yesterday afternoon, it was hot.  Beautiful, but in a 'not a cloud in the sky' kinda way.  No cloud cover means no relief from the heat beating down on you, and I don't mind saying that it just saps the life right out of me when that happens.  Like most runners, I much prefer early morning or early evening, for that exact reason.  That was not to be, however; I have no place close enough to my house to run, which means I have to run while I'm in town. 

To top things off, 3:30 rolled around, and I realized I had been so busy all day that I hadn't even touched my water bottle yet....not good. Inadequate hydration + run day = bad day at Black Rock. 
Still...I was determined to give it my best shot, so I ate a Clif bar on my way out the door, and headed to town.  I drug my feet a bit at Walmart, which bought me another half-hour to let the shadows get a bit longer, and I headed back to the Tweetsie, thinking that it would be the shadiest place to run.

Since I had to run for 45 minutes, I decided to give the as-yet-unexplored portion of the trail a try.  At least I wouldn't get bored.  So I parked as close as possible, and timed my warm up so that I would be able to cross the one major intersection without hampering the running part of my program.  Once I started running, I didn't want to have to stop.

Right off, I knew I was in trouble.  My feet felt like lead, my whole body was tired and drained of energy, the heat was killing me, and I wanted to stop after the first tenth of a mile.  I knew this was going to be one of those runs that I would have to fight all the way through, just to be able to finish, but I was determined not to throw in the towel.  This was supposed to be a slow walk/run, so I decided that as awesome as my last run pace was, this one wasn't going to come near it...I just had no speed in me at all, and it was a wonder that I was able to do more than walk, as it was.  So...I just concentrated on laying one foot down in front of the other, and not stopping the run. I really, really didn't want to walk this.

This went on for 35 minutes.  I tried to calculate my time so that I would run five minutes farther on the out leg than I did on the back leg, to make up for the five minute warmup time.  But I keep forgetting that it's 45 minutes on TOP of the warm up, so I didn't go quite as far as I needed to (note to self) before turning around for home.  By the time I got to the final stretch (which was full sun...no shade at all), I was done.  I knew if I kept pushing myself, I was going to wind up in the dirt, and I felt like my pace was shot anyway, so I walked the better part of the last ten minutes, blowing like a Derby reject the whole way.  I ran when I could, but my legs were jello and had no strength at all.  I thought I'd never hear the 'workout complete' announcement, and almost cried from relief when I finally did.

I didn't look at the stats until I got back to the car and finished stretching.  Then, sitting in the shade behind the wheel, I took a peek, expecting it to be a disaster....

It was as bad as I thought. I usually start out a little rough, it takes a while to get my groove on, and then I start getting tired.  But even in the groove, my pace was 16:30.  Hell, I can walk that fast.  But it wasn't horrible, and considering the way I'd felt through the run, I was actually ok with it.

I felt considerably better, however, when I looked at the interval time as a whole...

16:29 sounds infinitely preferable to 16:30, don't you think?  I mean...after all, it is a whole hundredth of a second faster. 

I did my best not to beat myself up too much on the way home (all the while guzzling the water I should have drank earlier in the day).  I did run, and I did run most of the way, even as overly humid and underly hydrated as the case was. 

But what really got me was the email I received about halfway home...

Are you freaking kidding me right now?  Elevation?? What elevation?  There was elevation?  I was running too slow to notice, but I made up my mind then and there that I was gonna look at that bad boy when I got home.

Getting out of the car was a treat.  I wobbled all the way into the house and barely got to the couch before completely collapsing.  I may not have run great, I decided...but whatever I did, it was a workout and a half.  Sitting there, still trying to recoup, I looked up the run stats on the Runkeeper website....

OMG...I WAS RUNNING STRAIGHT UPHILL THE WHOLE FIRST HALF!!! No wonder it kicked my tail!!

Looking at it in that light, it's pretty apparent now why my pace was so much slower than Saturday's pace, and why I felt so sapped so quickly (sun notwithstanding).  Looking at it in that light, I'm pretty freaking amazed at the pace I did run, and very, very proud of myself for sticking to it and going the distance.  Every day, with every run, I'm proving to myself that I CAN DO THIS!!!