The Turtle Mentality

For as long as I've been running, I've been slow. Granny slow.  Worse...turtle slow.  Even though I've been a superfast walker all my life, I've always been a slow runner.  I proved this to myself in elementary school, when they put us on the track for the Presidential Physical Fitness Test (which I never, ever passed).  No matter what grade I was in, all the way through school, I was always, always the last one on the track, laps behind everyone else.  So when I started running for myself, I never expected to have any speed at all.  In fact, I made jokes about it. 

Yes, I'm a turtle.  And I'm proud of it!

 

I set...and beat...goals around it.

I just didn't want to be the last little turtle in the pond. And I wasn't...at the end of the race, there were several little turtles behind me.

And I told myself that it was ok that I was slow. At least I was moving, and no matter how slow, I was lapping everybody sitting on their couch eating bonbons.

But what I never took into account was that in school, no one ever teaches you how to run.  Maybe if you're in track, but that's only after you've proven yourself to be a fairly decent runner to begin with.  But for a standard, run-of-the-mill student, you can either run or you can't. Most of us have at least a modicum of physical grace and ability, and we are born with a natural knowledge of how to move at a faster pace than walking.  But that doesn't mean that we know the mechanics behind it, or how to put that information to use.

Back when I first started out, I never worried about my speed....after all, I was a turtle.  I accepted my turtle-fate and concentrated instead on my stamina. I figured if I could add a little more distance each day, then I'd be able to finish a race, no matter how long it took to do it.  After all...it wasn't the time that counted (as long as I wasn't DAL), it was the fact that I made it over the finish line at all.  THAT was what was important.

As a turtle, I did great.  I got out on that track and plodded away on my own every day.  I made great progress with that philosophy....it got me through three races, even though I DID finish DAL in the last one.  If I broke a 15:00 pace, I figured I was lucky enough to have caught a good tail wind, and moved on. 

It never...not once...occurred to me that I could improve.  That maybe...just maybe...I wasn't really a turtle.

This program that I'm on has taught me much in terms of my own limitations.  I started it just to help me get back into running, and maybe make enough progress to be ready to tackle the Covered Bridge 5k next month.  But over the last few weeks, it has become so much more than that....it has actually trained me how to run.  And the proper training...understanding what I'm doing, how and why...has made all the difference.  Yesterday, I found out something about myself...

I found out that I am not a turtle.

No one that can run a minute at a sub 10:00 pace could be considered a turtle...least of all someone that can consistently nail 13 intervals, all at a sub 13:00 pace, most of which are sub 12:00 or better.  And after the third interval (all three of which were sub 11:00), I realized that even running at a slower pace, I was running much easier.  Instead of clumping along with my head down (my usual gait), somehow over the last few weeks, my head had lifted and my stride had lengthened.  After the third interval, I finally started running.

And it felt amazing.

I have never felt less like a turtle than I do right now.  I understand that not all days will be like this one....not all runs will be awesome.  Some will totally suck.  But I also understand that I will get out of every run exactly what I am willing to put into it...nothing less.  I have learned that my limitations are in my mind, not in my body.  My body is built to perform...it is built to succeed.  But it can only do what my mind allows it to do.  Just like my eating is controlled by what my mind is telling me I want, rather than what my stomach tells me I need, my physical body is capable of so much more than I have allowed it to be for the past 50+ years.

I still have an incredible amount of work ahead of me before I will be able to sustain a good pace for miles.  There are weeks and months and years of time ahead to build on what I learned about myself yesterday.  The important part of this is that now I know that I am capable of so much more than I ever imagined I could be...that I was not shortchanged in the ability department when bodies were being assigned.  I have just as much of a chance to succeed...to create my own run...as anyone else out there.  No, I will probably never be a top-seeded runner....nor would I really want to be.  But I do have the ability to reach the one dream I've always considered out of my reach:  to run a race in the center of the pack instead of the back.

Now, I know that I can do that....and do it well.  And you can bet that I will.  Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even this year, although I will be racing this year.  But it will come.  Of that, I have no doubt.