The Process

Even though I know that my body is changing, building muscle as it's losing fat, it was still a bit discouraging to step on the scale last week and see no change.  I accounted this more to going out of town for the weekend and eating (and drinking) things I don't normally partake of, but it was still a success that I didn't gain.  That being said, I have noticed (and so has Keith) that my body has shifted significantly this past week, so I think I would have been much more disappointed today had I stepped on the scale to no change again than I was last week.  Last week, I was kind of prepared for that.

Fortunately, I was not disappointed. After two weeks, I finally saw a lower number: 235.2, for a total of 45.8 pounds lost so far. That also puts me in a lower BMI level, so I can mark another goal off my list, and that makes me very happy.

Goal	Significance	Date Met	Actual Weight
	Starting Weight, BMI 41 (severely obese)	10/14/2014	281
279	New Decade	1/5/2015	277.6
278	BMI 40	1/5/2015	277.6
271	BMI 39	1/12/2015	270.2
269	New Decade	1/16/2015	268.8
264	BMI 38	1/27/2015	263.6
259	New Decade	2/13/2015	257.8
257	BMI 37	2/20/2015	254.6
256	25 POUNDS LOST!!	2/20/2015	254.6
250	BMI 36	3/13/2015	246.6
249	New Decade	3/13/2015	246.6
243	BMI 35 (no longer severely obese, now just obese)	4/2/2015	241.8
239	New Decade	4/17/2015	238.8
236	BMI 34	5/8/2015	235.2
231	50 POUNDS LOST!!
229	New Decade, BMI 33
222	BMI 32
219	New Decade
216	BMI 31
209	New Decade, BMI 30
206	75 POUNDS LOST!!
202	BMI 29 (no longer obese, now just overweight)
199	New Decade, Onederland!
195	BMI 28
189	New Decade
188	BMI 27
181	BMI 26, 100 POUNDS LOST!!!
179	New Decade
174	BMI 25
170	GOAL!!!
169	New Decade
167	BMI 24 (no longer overweight)

I've really done a lot of soul searching the past couple of days against the possibility that I would see no change, and it made me realize that I'm really starting to accept the process part of this journey.  I've heard 'trust the process' so often, but I'm not sure that I really understood what that really meant until now. 

Simply put, the process is what I do every day; putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that I am taking every step I can take toward a healthier life.  That may or may not show on the scale, but it shows in my body.  It shows in my mind.  It shows in my attitude.  It shows in my ability...physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It registers in every aspect of my life that the steps I am taking are not wasted steps; they are, in fact, carrying me to the place I'm aiming for.

Those steps can just as easily take me the other way if I turn around.  But even if I never lose another pound, as long as I continue with this process that I am on, I will be healthier. And I will be happier.  And that means that I will achieve my ultimate goal.

This process is not a quick-fix until I get all the weight off.  My goal is not a numerical one, although I do use numbers to measure my progress.  It is the way I choose to live my life from now on.  Slowly, I am coming to terms with the fact that accountability will always need to be factored into everything I do for the rest of my life, and that probably means that from now on, I will log in my food on a daily basis, and I will stay on some form of structured exercise program that I can tick off the proverbial checklist as I work toward a goal.  For me, that's what keeps me sane and motivated.

How I am eating now is not a crash diet that I will get sick of tomorrow; it is sustainable.  I am teaching myself to make the best choices for nutrition, in the right quantities for my body.  I am allowing for the occasional 'treat', not beating myself up over a bad day, but allowing it to motivate me to work harder the next.  Not limiting myself to any type of food has made me want the good stuff even more, and I am at a very good place right now; content with the decisions I am making, and not feeling deprived over the stuff I 'can't have'.  I'm just choosing not to eat it, and frankly, the better the choices I make, the more I find that I don't want the stuff I shouldn't eat, anyway.

Basically, I'm in the sweet spot right now.  And I'm enjoying every minute of it.  If that means that I don't register a loss on the scale next week, then I will the week after.  I know that because I am trusting the process that has gotten me this far, and I know that as long as I am taking all the steps, and I am aimed in the right direction, I will get there eventually.  It's just a matter of time.

I'm in no rush.  I've got the rest of my life to get it right.