Processing...please wait...

I'm not going to lie. I'm having a very hard time processing my weigh-in results this morning.  I had tried to convince myself that I would be happy maintaining this week, after our trip.  I even said so in my last blog entry.  But I didn't maintain, I actually lost a pound.  After non-plan food.  After no exercise.  After LOTS of eating out. 

AFTER ALCOHOL.

I lost a pound.  And I almost feel like crying.

It's stupid....it's so stupid to feel that way after such a victory, but I just can't seem to help it.  (Yes, yes, I know all feelings are valid, and it's unreasonable to call them 'stupid'.  But above all things on this blog, I'm trying to be honest with myself, and if all feelings are valid, then the fact that I feel that it's stupid to feel that way must be valid, too.  Just go with it.) 

I have been thinking about it all morning, trying to reason it out, trying to understand this feeling: 

• Am I discouraged?  No....not really.  I have no deadline on this weight loss, no 'goal date' I want to lose it by.  There is a reason for that...this is a lifestyle change for me, a learning process to better manage my health for the rest of my life, and as such, I can't even begin to think of an 'end game', because for me, there will never be one. I will always have to carefully watch and manage my intake and activity, from now on.  So...the action of losing weight for me is a by-product of that lifestyle change, not the actual goal. My goal is health and long life. But my weight loss IS a measurement of my progress toward that goal, and I view it as such.
• Am I angry?  No, definitely not.  I am actually very pleased that I was able to get any weight off this week, and even at a 'measly' pound, all forward motion counts. It is still measurable progress toward my goal of good health.
• Am I sad?  Nope. Not in the least. I'm happy to have been able to see that graph go down another notch.  Regardless of how deep it went, it's better than flatlining, any day.

No....I think it's just frustration.

• After five weeks and counting, I'm still in the 240's.  I'm sick of getting on the scale and seeing that number four in the tens' place. I've been ready to see a three there for the past three weeks, and I'm STILL a pound away.
• I am a pound away from hitting the next goal on my list.
• I am 9.8 pounds away from the 50-pounds-lost mark, which I REALLY wanted to hit before we go to Chattanooga in two weeks to celebrate Keith's birthday.

Here's the thing; frustration never killed anyone. It's just made them miserable.  And I have to decide today whether I want to stay miserable, or if I want to get the hell over it and move on.  Today is a new day, and it's the start of a new week.  I can either wallow in self-pity, or I can get off my butt and make this week count.

• I can eat clean, and stay on point this week.
• After a two month stall due to the weather and my crazy schedule, I can finally, finally get MOVING again.
• I can keep a positive attitude.
• I can make each day the best it can possibly be.
• I can remove every reason for failure that is possible to remove, so that when I get on that scale next Friday, I will have killed that weigh-in.  And the momentum will be enough to carry me through the week after.

In other words, I can have faith in myself, and patience, and I can ROCK this!