Last night, I had an amazing run. Everything was clicking, nothing was hurting, and I felt great. True, it was a short run, and the last one before my 5K on Saturday, but I considered it a major victory not to be limping along like an out of gas hoopti with three flat tires. I feel pretty much as ready as I could possibly be for Saturday morning, so I'm very happy about that.
Next....I stepped on the scale this morning to another big loss! That's two weeks in a row, for those who are keeping score (me!!). Down another 3.8 pounds for a total of 56.6 lost...which ALSO means I've passed the halfway mark!!
WHOO HOO!!!!
I couldn't be more excited...can you tell? Last time, I lost 55 pounds in 4 months (69 total), this time it's taken me almost 5 1/2 months to do the same. That's ok, though...I think I'm happier and more well-adjusted this time around. And it feels more sustainable...like I'm training my mind along with my body, and making permanent changes in my thinking. I'm really happy about that.
Speaking of changes in thinking...I was on my way home a couple of nights ago...so worn out I couldn't think straight. I had been burning the candle way too low for several nights in a row, not getting enough sleep, and working too much. I was so wiped, I didn't think I could even make it home in one piece, so I decided to stop on the way home and pick up a taco salad...light, plenty of protein, etc. And quick to eat so I could get in the BED as soon as possible.
So...I'm headed to Taco John's, and I hear this internal chatter start up...
"Get a fish taco, too."
"You need a little something else to go with it. Get a fish taco."
"You NEED a fish taco!!! YES, YES, YES....NOWNOWNOW!!!!"
OMG, shut up already, brain!
This went on incessantly the whole half hour it took me to get to the taco place. Finally, it hit me: my inner child was throwing a temper tantrum. I didn't want the taco, I certainly didn't need the damn taco, I just thought I did. And as soon as I realized it, I shouted out loud...
"Oh for God's sake, inner child...shut the hell up. You are not getting a damned taco!!"
Good thing I was by myself. In the car. With no witnesses.
It worked. Crazy, I know, but I think I needed to do that just in order to snap myself out of it. I mean, if my inner child is not going to act any different than my real kids did at the store when they were little, why should I treat it any different? I wouldn't let them have things that were bad for them, no matter how much they whined and cried (and I wouldn't actually let them do that, either). So...why is it acceptable for my inner child to get away with it? Short answer: it's not.
And yet...it has. I've let that little voice run roughshod over all my dreams and goals, all my best intentions, all my decisions, for all my life. And it's time for a whole lotta tough love now. My inner child is just going to have to learn to behave, and that means that it can't have what it wants, just because it sees something attractive. From now on, it gets what I decide is best for it, and that's final.
Mama's in control now.
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