A Programming Change...

So....I've decided after a week of pretty much same ole' same ole' to change up my thoughts on this blog thing. It's gonna get pretty boring just blogging the same exact thing every day, so it doesn't make much sense to waste my time....or the time of my potential readers.

Instead, I've taken a page from a few seasoned bloggers I'm now following, and have decided to blog only once a week, most likely on Sunday, since it's A.) the day after my free day, and B.) the day after weigh-in.  Following this will be much less restricting for me, and the more freedom I have in a blog, the more likely I will be to stick with it.  I can always blog extra if I feel the need, i.e. something untoward happens, like I totally clean out the Ben and Jerry's display down at Food City.

In the meantime, I will say that this past week went exceptionally well, and Saturday was more than interesting. 

In the past couple of weeks, I have ceased to focus on extra-curricular food...as in the junk I'd be making a pit-stop for on the way home, or sneaking out of the vending machine here at work. I think there are two main reasons for this.

1. Getting away from all the carbs has helped my body with the carb cravings.  I feel like I was on a roller-coaster I couldn't get off of. I was helpless to kill the cravings, and helpless to fight them, despite my will.  My inability to cope with this caused a downward spiral of self-loathing that I feel is probably unequaled in the history of the world. I am now convinced that carbs are the Devil Incarnate.

2. So now that I've managed to tame the terrible gnawing need to fill my gut with empty calories, I have found that my 'free' day....the day I can eat anything I want to, guilt free....has snuck up on me twice, now.  And I have managed to care very little.

3. Except that because it IS 'free day', it means that I MUST take advantage of it, or All Will Be Lost.  What if I miss the opportunity to eat that ten-day-old piece of coconut cake in the back of the fridge?  Oh. My. God.  I'll have to wait another ENTIRE WEEK before I can indulge again!  And what if that cake is gone by then?  Or worse....somebody Throws It Away.  Children are starving in Africa.

This past Saturday, I woke with no thought in my head other than to make breakfast, as usual.  But halfway through unloading the fridge for omelette ingredients, it occurred to me:  this was FREE DAY.  Immediately, I stopped what I was doing, and returned everything to the fridge.  No way was I cooking a healthy breakfast today!  Not because I particularly wanted something else....but because I could.

Nothing would do, but that I had to have pancakes.  A huge stack of home made pancakes dripping with butter and syrup....and maybe some token sausage on the side.  Because God knew when I would be able to get them again....so STUFF WHILE YOU CAN.

We immediately headed to the local breakfast cafe, where I ordered three pancakes with sausage, and proceeded to stuff myself.  It came as a shock when I could barely finish two.  And what amazed me is that I FORCED myself to eat THAT much!  Holy cow!

But I left, well contented, but determined that I would not be repeating that experience.  After all...I have learned much, and it was my HEAD that craved those pancakes, not my body. Not at all.

Due to our stuffing, we did not eat lunch, although I did eat a bit of chocolate...just because I could.  I saw the pack and felt obligated to eat it, because it was my FREE DAY.

Dinner found neither of us in the mood to cook, so again, because it was FREE DAY, I suggested we go to one of my hubby's favorite restaurants to indulge....Pizza Inn.  They have an all you can eat pizza buffet, you see....and it was Saturday.  My FREE DAY.  So it was perfectly legal for me to have eight slices of pizza and three slices of dessert pizza.

I waddled home, feeling nauseated, and proceeded to mount the scale for my weekly weigh-in.

232.4

If I recall correctly, that was where I was two weeks ago.  And I was shocked. 

Profound Observation #1: Just because you are learning new things every day, it doesn't stop you from acting like a moron.

OK, so this week, I've decided to stop acting that way, and use some effing common sense, already.  I will continue on the regularly scheduled program (which was a huge relief to my system to resume on Sunday, btw...) and when Saturday rolls around, I will eat with much moderation....and the possible addition of a baked sweet potato or whole wheat roll.

In addition, I have totally stolen this ticker idea (see above) off a blog I found to be totally inspirational, and so as I start back with my walking/ running next week, I will be updating it as well.  My goal is to walk/run 500 miles this year, and I'd REALLY love to do the Covered Bridge 5k again this year, in June.  That's totally doable....as long as I start training for it now.  I'll keep you posted....no worries.

Week 2, Day 4: Tuesday

After a prolonged and bone-wearying battle, my heating pad and I have managed to make it in to work today.  Back is killing me still, although at least I am able to get around...a vast improvement, believe me. I would have committed hari kari had I had to stay in that house one more day!

Breakfast, complements of my darling, was the usual scrambled eggs and bacon.

Week 2, Day 3: Monday

Bad news....my back was so bad still that I had to stay home.  More hurry up and do nothing, after doing that pretty much all weekend. I'm going stir crazy!

Breakfast was the usual....scrambled eggs and bacon. No toast this morning.

I made a sandwich for lunch, using the wrong turkey...(yikes!)  Great sammie, though!

I think sometimes it's a blessing AND a curse that Keith has such a strong aversion to dirty dishes.  Since I haven't been able to keep them up, and he's been doing all the cooking, every dish in the house is now officially waiting to be scoured, and there are no clean ones for him to use.  Rather than face the mountain, he decided to make a mexi-run for dinner, and I wound up with a plate-ful of fajitas.  Nice. :)

Finished off the last of the sunflower seeds, and went to bed about 10pm....heating pad in tow.

Week 2, Day 2: Sunday

Beginning weight: 233.4

Well, I thought that was great news, until I just now checked my progress against last week's weigh-in, which was 232. Of course, that was a morning weigh-in, and this one was from last night. But the five pound weight loss I thought I had turned out, in fact, to be a gain of almost a pound and a half. In reality, I probably broke even.

*sigh*

I am planning on starting to introduce some resistance training this week...will keep you posted on my progress. In the meantime,

I cooked scrambled eggs with fresh tomatoes and black olives, along with some cheese brats and a slice of rye toast with honey for breakfast. A few sunflower seeds for snack, and I'm awaiting my hubby's return from the store to find out what's for lunch.

Lunch turned out to be a turkey and cheese sammie on marble rye....delicious, but predictable.  I've been really down in my back this weekend, so the sedentary thing is wearing thin.  Very thin.

A handful of sunflower seeds for snack, and dinner wound up being another sandwich...this time, on pumpernickel.

Week 2, Day 1: Saturday

FREE DAY!!!!

Breakfast was at Food City this morning....scrambled eggs, bacon and a half a biscuit with gravy...yumm! I ate every bite (after giving the other half of my biscuit to Keith).

Busy morning in the snow. Lunch was a turkey and swiss sammie on rye, the rest of the chips from El Charolais, and some sunflower seeds. So far, I'm not busting crazy, but dinner hasn't got here yet, lol.

Lunch was the usual sammie, but loaded with a bit more turkey than usual, and I used rye bread. Finished off the few chips left over from El Charolais takeout the other night, and had a handful or two of sunflower seeds a bit later. So far, this day hasn't been as crazy as I thought, free-day wise!

Neither of us felt like getting out in the bitter cold tonight, so we had frozen mini-pizzas for dinner, two each, with extra cheese added on. So much for my crazy day...but I'm oddly happy, and feel entirely sated.

Day 7: Friday!

Well....I've managed to keep this thing going an entire week. Wonders never cease. But it's a start....and at least I've managed to get through the week largely more unscathed than I have been in months...which is quite a feat, actually....and one I'm rather proud of.

Breakfast was interesting. I was a bit nauseated and consequently could only manage a few bites of my eggs and bacon....even though they were very good. Had a slice of plain toast instead.

Packed a nice thick sammie for lunch, and took some extra cheese slices, two hard-boiled eggs and some turkey bites to snack on. Wound up eating the eggs and cheese a couple of hours after I got to work, and the turkey bites between lunch and the whistle. Bit of stress late in the afternoon, and I stopped to get a small hot chocolate and small coffee on the way home. That was my big sin for the day.

Dinner was scrambled leftovers...and was quite good, actually. All in all, a rather good day.

Two notes I must mention:

1) I really, really have to find a way to access water during the day. I NEED more water!

2) I'm feeling the need to start working more activity into my days. Maybe not a lot....but something.

Day 6: Thursday

Oh, happy day! Although my breakfast was the same this morning, thanks to my MIL's generosity and them going out of town until Monday, I got to have a different LUNCH today! Doing my best to get creative, I brought some home made pimiento cheese and one piece of bread for lunch, and ate the rest of the beef jerky bites and a hard-boiled egg for my snack.

Oh....and a packet of hot cocoa mix that was lurking in my desk from Christmas. Don't ask.

Suffice it to say my desk is now OFFICIALLY empty of all food....junk, or otherwise.

Forgot to mention yesterday that Keith has begun working with me to improve my balance, I think as a precursor to learning Tai Chi. I hope so....I've always wanted to learn such a beautiful art, and God knows I could use it. I've always been the most uncoordinated person in the room.

Headed home....may stop for some hot coffee on the way. Then again, maybe not.

I didn't stop...a mild breakthrough of some sort....electing instead to head straight home. Tried a new recipe for crawfish pasta for dinner, in which the only really objectionable ingredient was the pasta, itself. Otherwise, it contained garlic, onions, a bit of butter, crawfish, mushrooms, asparagus, a bit of cheese, and some spices in what SHOULD have been a heavy cream base, but wound up being a sour cream base instead, lol. Gotta use what you have at hand. Still....pretty good, although it could have used a LOT more crawfish. Maybe some andouille sausage, too....yumm!

To bed...

Day 5: Wednesday

Ok...life on the work front is starting to go into stress overload. We're three weeks out from our first Institute of the new year, and nothing's gelling. Consequently, everyone's gone into hyperdrive, and patience is at an all-time low.

The good part of that is that I'm so freaking busy, I don't have time to think about eating. The bad news, of course, is that I don't have time to think about eating.

*sigh*

Breakfast as usual....no surprises. Had a handful of beef jerky bites and my usual sammie for lunch. Managed to pass up the two stale cake donuts still hanging out in the break room from yesterday, thank God. Just the thought of having to admit to sinking that low on this blog shamed me back into my office, donut-free.

Walked out of my office this afternoon to a winter wonderland....really? Supposed to be sunny and mid 40's all week. Freezing, so I stopped by McDonald's on my way home, thinking that they might have hot tea. Silly me.... They did, however have a small non-fat hot chocolate that was screaming my name, so I caved. Managed to get home with no other casualties.

Dinner was homemade veggie soup, courtesy of my MIL, and a glass of milk, followed by fresh coffee. I may be delusional, but it seems like today was pretty good....with the exception of the cocoa, that is.

Tomorrow will be better....I'm sure of it.

Day 4: Tuesday

Sooo.....it's Tuesday. Only the second day in the bloody week, and I've caved. Massively.

Started off well....usual breakfast, packed my lunch, etc. Got to work, feeling really well, satisfied by my breakfast. And then....it happened.

The big boss walked in with donuts. A whole stinking, hot, fresh, mouthwatering box of them. And he offered them to me.

Well....my coffee did need refilling.

So....I ate two. The two biggest glazed donuts in the whole freaking box. And I immediately felt guilty as hell for indulging. Oh, the little angel on my shoulder was screaming in my ear the entire time....but the little devil was whispering. The devil won.

Lunch went fine...usual sammie. I brought snacks that went well too. But why in the hell did I feel like I would die if I didn't get that thousand calories (I'm sure) worth of sugary goodness in my mouth?? God only knows....I sure don't.

Forgive me Phoenix....for I have sinned.

Dinner was provided courtesy of our favorite Mexican restaurant....I picked it up on my way home. Can't go wrong with fajitas for two. I was good....ate no rice or chips (!!!), but did have a HUGE diet coke. No snacks after.

Day 3: Back to the ole' grind.

Ok, so today was my first real test on the new 'system', which is really just the old 'system', but with new resolve....I hope.

Started the morning with eggs and bacon, courtesy of my personal weekday chef (Keith cooks me breakfast every morning while I'm dressing for work). They were both yummy and filling, and as much as I hated to, I set out on time. Unfortunately, after making the half-hour trek to Johnson City, parking the car, and trudging up the stairs to the main doors, I realized that I had left my keys at home (enter stress). So I bite the bullet and call home, but Keith can't meet me halfway....he's got the trailer hitched to the truck, which means that I will need to go all the way back home to get them (enter stress2). I make a quick call to let my boss know I will be late on the first day of the brand new year...and why (enter stress now spiraling through the roof). Thank God my boss is so understanding.

After picking up keys and getting a refill on my travel mug, I headed back toward the city, but decided that lunchtime was too long to wait for food, considering I may not even get any lunch....(no food in the fridge+lack of shopping over the holiday weekend=no sammich for Jill) so I made an executive decision and stopped at Hardees for an omelette burrito. Safe enough, except for the tortilla, I think, but I made a good discovery: Hardees sells a low-carb breakfast bowl....pretty much what I got minus the burrito, in a bowl. Who knew? Good future info...

I digress.

Why did I feel the overwhelming need to stop for breakfast when I had just had a decent breakfast, not two hours before? I wasn't hungry. But the thought that I might get hungry is what spurred the decision. And although I've never thought stress was really a trigger for me, I can't tell it by this little scenario. So...maybe so, and maybe no. Oy....regardless, I've got a long way to go.

Lunch (which I did get, by the way) was another wrap....grilled chicken, lettuce, tomato, olives, bell pepper, cheese and ranch dressing) on a spinach tortilla, and a diet coke. Again...a fairly wise choice, I think...tortilla notwithstanding. I do need to find a way to drink more water. Lots more water. My downfall: a chocolate-filled peppermint that came in a Christmas gift bag from a colleague. I have one more that's screaming at me from my desk drawer. It will be gone in the next day or two, I'm sure....maybe even before I'm through writing this if it doesn't shut up. Too late....

I did have a triumph on the way home. Got the overwhelming urge to stop somewhere and stuff my face with whatever looked appealing, but I managed to stifle it. Although I was hungry, I really wasn't starving, and more than able to make it home for dinner without expiring behind the wheel. But it got me thinking....was there a trigger for this?

I can't say that it was stress-induced. Other than the morning debacle, this was not a stressful day in the least. Boredom, then? Well....that might very well be a possibility, since I seem to be prone to getting in trouble when I get bored. And if that means food....

I'll keep an eye on that, and my stress levels for a while...see if maybe there might be a pattern.

Dinner was provided by my MIL, one of the best cooks in the free world. Roast beef, english peas, roasted potatoes and carrots, and thick slices of home-baked bread. It almost killed me to pass up the bread and potatoes/carrots, but I did, eating only a medium serving of both the roast and the peas. If the truth were known, I could have turned up the entire bowl of both without batting an eye, but I didn't want to appear rude for not eating some things, and eating too much of others. *sigh* So, although what I ate was delicious, I ultimately left the table feeling not only completely unsatisfied, but also deprived as well. Not good. I went back home and immediately dived into the fridge, grabbing a handful of turkey jerkey. An hour later, I had a serving of sunflower seeds.

Overall, despite the two flour tortillas and the two peppermints....the lack of exercise other than the quarter-mile hike to and from my car....and the extra breakfast I really didn't need....I think I did fairly well today. I didn't cave in to my impulses this afternoon, and I actually put some thought toward potential triggers. I would call this day a success.

Day 2, but the first REAL one. Sort of.

Ok....so we got up late this morning. Got lazy and stayed in bed. So shoot me, it's Sunday, y'know? And after the day we had yesterday, believe me, we deserved it. Despite what it sounded like, yesterday was anything BUT lazy.

Once I was up, we weighed ourselves....a task that will going forward be reserved for Saturday nights.

Keith: 180.?

Me: 232.0

Can I just say...for the record....how effing embarrassing it is to know that you weigh a whopping 50+ lbs more than your spouse? It's humiliating.

It should be noted that when I weighed the other day, it was with all my clothes on, after I'd eaten....probably not the most accurate weight. I'm thinking this one is probably a better measurement.

I made a really good breakfast of scrambled cheese eggs, turkey bacon and toast with honey, the toast being pumpernickel. Keith made coffee while I was in the shower. And we ate around noon...the first meal of the day. Hmm.....I'm thinking that's probably not a good pattern for general use, but what the hey...it's still the holiday weekend!

I have no plans today, other than to veg in front of the tv, watching football games, answering emails and updating my other blog. My big chore for the day is laundry, which Iwill probably do later this afternoon, if I can work up the energy. This is the day I wanted to have yesterday, but was robbed of, due to getting in the 'new year's budget/planning' zone...ugh. Fortunately, that's all done now....thank God.

More later.

So we wound up having to go out....which turned out to be a very good thing, but we wound up eating at Burger King about 4:30pm. I had a grilled chicken sandwich on ciabatta bread, with apple fries and a diet coke. I also snuck a regular fry out of Keith's bag, which I got fussed at for, but was really Not Sorry, although I should have been.

Later, about 7:30, I had a serving of sunflower seeds. So ends day two. Tomorrow will be my first day of Regular Life, back in the work grind. Should be interesting, to say the least. Overall, though...I'd have to say that I'm pretty much pleased with my progress today.

....french fry notwithstanding.

1/1/11....Here's to new beginnings!

Beginning weight: 238.2

This is the year of 1. As in ONE. As in UNITY, but also as in SELF. There is so much power in that number, in so many ways! So here's to this year....the most fabulous year of my life!

This morning, I started off with several cups of coffee (my usual) and a hard-boiled egg...yum. Actually, it wasn't bad....just not filling. That was at 7:45 and by 10:30, I was starving, so I ate a Kellogg's Fiber Plus bar (Chocolate Chip...mmm) and a glass of milk, which has sustained me from eating my own liver, thank God. It is now 1:37.

I have been trying to stick to a low-carb diet. I say 'trying' in the loosest possible term, because my heart's not been in it. I have slowly watched my weight creep back up the scale this year, and it scares me. You would think that it would be extra motivation to have Keith at home....I think it's actually worked against me. Either way, I mean to get to the bottom of it this year. If I have a New Year's resolution, that would be it.

Today is Saturday, which is my free day....within reason. I'm heading out the door for takeout mexican, and I'll report the dirty details later on tonight.

Ok, so for lunch, I ordered a Speedy Gonzalez (translation: one enchilada, one beef taco, and beans) with a tamale, which I split with the hubz, along with the complementary order of chips. I topped all this with two mini Hershey's Special Dark bars....which are a bit bigger than the bite-size. I am now completely sated, and sipping black coffee, with every intention of spending the rest of my day in a completely sedentary state...i.e. curled up on the couch in front of the tv, alternating with the computer.

Now....how do I feel about this meal? If I'm honest....pretty damned good. Why? Because I got to pick it and eat it uninterrupted and guilt-free. It was decadence at its finest. Even though I know that it was probably a bazillion calories and not healthy at all...I still relished every bite. And to make it worse, I have no intention at all of trying to burn any of it off today. None.

This doesn't make ANY sense whatsoever. Conclusion: I need help.

Finished off what turned out to be a very late night with a bowl of homemade chicken and rice soup, courtesy of my MIL around 6:30pm, accompanied by a large handful of ritz crackers. For the record....I wanted neither the soup, nor the crackers. I ate them because I could...because it was my free day, and if I didn't eat it then, I wouldn't get any. Deprivation is not my strong suit.

Several hours later, I ate several handfuls of Creme Brulee almonds. Went to bed, exhausted and wired for sound after God knows how much coffee, at 2am.

A memorable first day.