The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

This weekend was full of ups and downs.  Friday night, fresh off a 2 pound loss that morning, I had my first binge since I've started this journey.  It wasn't a big one...I had bought a can of cashews on the way home, because I was starving.  Of an 8.5 ounce can, I (cautiously and responsibly) ate about 2 ounces, put it away, and logged it.  That was good, and I was proud of myself.  After we ate dinner, I logged that, and realized that the nuts had pushed me to my calorie limit for the day with just a dozen or so to spare....and I was relieved, but it was a big wakeup call for me to see how close I had come. 

• Who knows if one extra would push me over the limit? 
• Who knows that I ate exactly two ounces to begin with? 
• What if I was already unknowingly over the limit? 

Oh, gawd...deliver me from over-analyzation.  The more I sat there and thought about it, the more that damned cashew can called my name until nothing would do other than to go shut it up.  So I did.  I went and got it, thinking 'just a few more'.  That was the bad.  I am firmly convinced that the road to Hell is not paved with good intentions, it's paved with justification. 

One cashew at a time, I sat there with that can in front of the tv, and I munched until there was only about half an ounce left.  With every cashew, the guilt mounted, but it wasn't enough to stop me.  That was the ugly....and it is what has stayed with me all weekend.  Why?  Why, after finally hitting such an amazing goal that morning was I driven to self-destruct mode? Looking back, I can see that pattern repeating itself time and time again over the years, and I really want to find out the answer to that more than any other single thing. I'm hoping that this time, I will.

I think that little black cloud stuck with me for most of the rest of my weekend.  Saturday was beautiful, and I got up, made a great breakfast, enjoyed it with my coffee, got dressed and headed into town for my long run.  I was pretty stoked about it, but I had to make a stop before I ran that took longer than I wanted to take, and consequently, my tank was pretty empty going into that run.  I should have eaten. I should have run earlier.  I would have done much better with my run if I hadn't battled heat, exhaustion, and guilt from the night before.  The only thing I did right was to hydrate, and that, at least I did well.

It was not enough to get me through the run, though.  I tanked out about 3/4 of the way through and did a lot of walking toward the end, cursing myself the whole way.  If I hadn't eaten those damned cashews, I wouldn't be feeling so sluggish right now.  If I'd packed a snack to eat before my run, I wouldn't be feeling sick with no energy right now. If I'd gotten an earlier start, I wouldn't have needed to pack a snack, because my breakfast was proper fuel...it just didn't last long enough.  And I'd have had a much cooler run.

But no....I do things the hard way by nature.  At least I stuck to it and completed the workout.  That is some consolation.

I was so wiped out that I took a two hour nap when I got home.  Sunday, it poured all day, so I was very happy that my scheduled run had been on the prettier of the two days this weekend.  So far, I've managed to avoid any runs in the rain, but I know they're coming.  It's only a matter of time.  I cleaned house for two hours, which counted for good cardio time, so I ended the weekend on a positive note, and ate well both days.

This week, I intend to stay strictly on point with my food, to the best of my ability.  I intend to stay well-hydrated, and I will be running late enough in the day to avoid the heat.  My challenge will come with my Friday run.  We're supposed to be going out of town as soon as I leave work, so I'm not sure at the moment how I'm going to get that run in.  And Sunday, I will need to figure something out, as well, because that will be the day we travel home.  I'm not as worried about Sunday...I will have more leeway on that day than I will on Friday.

This is a life challenge.  These things will always come up, and if I'm really making this a life change like I keep telling myself, then I'd better find a way to make it work. And I'd better find a way to forgive myself when I screw up and move on to the next day, because every day is a fresh, new start.

At Last...Progress!

I feel like it took me MONTHS to get out of the 240's, but realistically, it only took me six weeks (hah!).  I'm hoping that is what a plateau looks like to me....movement, but excruciatingly slow.  I have yet to have a week with no loss, thank God.  But I'm really happy to report that I AM now officially out of that damned decade and on to greater things.  I lost two pounds this week for a total of 42 lost, and am now at 238.8.  Hopefully, this decade will only take me a couple of weeks to dust and I'll be rockin' the 220's before I know it!

I was so antsy all day yesterday, leading up to my run last night.  I'm really loving that I'm so looking forward to my runs again. They don't feel like a chore any more, more like a treat that I have to wait for.  I contribute a lot of this to the fact that I'm having to wait a day between each run, which has me chomping at the bit to get out there...a very good thing at this point in the program.

Last night, the run felt very heavy to me.  I made sure to eat good before going out, but I'm not sure that I hydrated well enough early enough in the day to do me any good on the track.  I always run with a water bottle, a habit I will probably need to think about breaking at some point (way down the road), but I really need to be hydrated before I step on the track to keep my energy level up.  Still, I battled through it and did really well, I think.  I shaved a couple of minutes off my Sunday run, which was basically the same run.  Although a 15:31 pace is still turtle-worthy, it's pretty good for ME, starting out again, and I'm happy with it.

I'm already drumming my fingers, waiting for tomorrow. I'm gonna get out there early.

Tuesday Runs

I had a blast last night.

Before, when I was running, I ran every day except for Sunday.  I never had a training program, I just ran. At first, I couldn't even make it a quarter of the way around the track.  But then I learned how to pace myself, and found that the endurance became easier and easier, and I could run for longer and longer distances.  My standard short run became a three-miler.  I would usually run that on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday, I would up it by a mile, and then another on Friday, with a long run (six miles) on Saturday. Sunday was my rest day. That became my norm....to just plod the designated amount of miles every day, happy that I could go the distance, but wishing I wasn't such a turtle about it.

No wonder I never built up any speed.

This time, I'm trying to train smarter.  This time, I'm using a training schedule that incorporates interval training, fartleks, and tempo runs to help accustom my body to running at faster paces, longer.  And this time, it's working.

Last night, I ran intervals.  And I felt wicked good doing them.  Not only did I run faster, but I shaved a minute and a half off my Sunday run time.  As a matter of fact, I felt so good, I didn't want to stop when the run was over, so I queued up another workout and walked another mile after the run.  And this morning, I'm not sore at all....unlike Sunday.  So my body must be improving.

It's a good thing I was able to run last night, because today, it's going to be pouring all day. It rained yesterday too, but it was my run day, and I wasn't going to give it up, even if it meant running soaking wet.  Fortunately, I didn't have to....the rain had stopped by the time I left work, and held off long enough for me to get my workouts done and get home before the bottom fell out again.  I considered that a major victory.

Today is a rest day for me. I'd like to have gotten a walk in, but whether I do or don't, the endorphins from last night will be enough to carry me through until tomorrow...my next run day.

I can't wait.

Another Milestone

I'm celebrating today!  It's the 100th day I've been on this journey, and I'm still going strong. The last 100 days have been really good, all things considered.  I can't even say I've had any bad days, so far.  I've had a couple that I've been a bit...shall we say, uneasy about, days that I know I could have done better.  But I'm proud to say that I've had no binges, I've done well with my water about 99% of the time, and true to my plan, I have gotten back on the track, and loving it.

If I had to say, I would have liked to have been more active over the past 100 days.  But given the weather conditions over the winter and my abominable overtime issues, I think I've done pretty well, all things considered.  I'm very much looking forward to running more (this afternoon, in fact...although it's raining like crazy right now, and set to do so the rest of the day).  Running for me only fuels my mental fire. It doesn't hurt that it does crazy good things for my body as well, but my biggest weight loss issues have always been mental, and probably always will be. Still, I've turned a corner now.  I can tell, because I'm obsessing about the track again.  I am impatient to get back on it, even though I know how grueling it will be while I'm doing it.  I think about it all day long, and I got really irritable yesterday when I left work, it was perfect weather to run...and I realized it was my 'off' day.

Grrr.

I know I'm going to get wet this afternoon. I do not care. I'm going to run in the rain, I'm going to laugh while I'm doing it, and I'm going to celebrate 100 days of healthy living!

Spring has Sprung!

Wow! What a glorious weekend!  The weather was perfect, including the temps, and my whole body just screamed to get out and enjoy it.  I spent two hours Saturday morning cleaning house, which counted for my cardio that day.  Then I met my friend Tracy to do some car shopping before heading to my in-laws' for dinner.  We got home just after dark to a clean house. I jumped in the shower before heading to bed....what is it about a clean body in freshly washed sheets that feels so exotic, I wonder?

Anyway, since I had gotten so much done on Saturday, I had looked forward to a lazy Sunday, just chilling all day. But Tracy had the Spring Bug and wanted to get out again, so I agreed to ride into town to cut her hair for her.  And since I was going into town anyway...

I had already signed up for a 5K training class on my runkeeper app. I've never really used it before, always preferred endomondo, but since I found that course, I decided to sign up and give it a try.  It just happened to start on Sunday, so I got to the track and booted both apps for comparison.  Definitely liked the runkeeper better....it called out time and pace every five minutes. It also syncs with myfitnesspal, and facebook too, and I was able to complete the first day of my training. 

This course has you running every other day for 8 weeks, and I found out this morning that if I stay on track, I will complete it exactly one week before the Covered Bridge 5k....perfect!  So...that is my goal.  I've already printed out the registration form and have it hanging over my desk at work to keep me motivated.

After my run (a mile and a half solid, by the way, with a warm-up and cool down lap, for a total of two miles done. :) ), I headed to the grocery store to stock up for the week, grabbed us some dinner (a burger for Keith, a salad for me) and some gas, and headed home, feeling extremely accomplished.

Yes, I may have gotten to bed a little later than I should have, and I did lose another hour of sleep around 2:00 in the morning when the coyotes decided to visit...but I still woke up feeling great (besides a little soreness in my quads), and full of energy. 

Today is a rest day. I will be working late all this week, so I will probably try to work an extra hour tonight to free up time tomorrow night, and I should still have enough time when I get home to do my day one workout, which is really short.  That's my plan, anyway.

Man, I wish every weekend could feel like this one did.

Processing...please wait...

I'm not going to lie. I'm having a very hard time processing my weigh-in results this morning.  I had tried to convince myself that I would be happy maintaining this week, after our trip.  I even said so in my last blog entry.  But I didn't maintain, I actually lost a pound.  After non-plan food.  After no exercise.  After LOTS of eating out. 

AFTER ALCOHOL.

I lost a pound.  And I almost feel like crying.

It's stupid....it's so stupid to feel that way after such a victory, but I just can't seem to help it.  (Yes, yes, I know all feelings are valid, and it's unreasonable to call them 'stupid'.  But above all things on this blog, I'm trying to be honest with myself, and if all feelings are valid, then the fact that I feel that it's stupid to feel that way must be valid, too.  Just go with it.) 

I have been thinking about it all morning, trying to reason it out, trying to understand this feeling: 

• Am I discouraged?  No....not really.  I have no deadline on this weight loss, no 'goal date' I want to lose it by.  There is a reason for that...this is a lifestyle change for me, a learning process to better manage my health for the rest of my life, and as such, I can't even begin to think of an 'end game', because for me, there will never be one. I will always have to carefully watch and manage my intake and activity, from now on.  So...the action of losing weight for me is a by-product of that lifestyle change, not the actual goal. My goal is health and long life. But my weight loss IS a measurement of my progress toward that goal, and I view it as such.
• Am I angry?  No, definitely not.  I am actually very pleased that I was able to get any weight off this week, and even at a 'measly' pound, all forward motion counts. It is still measurable progress toward my goal of good health.
• Am I sad?  Nope. Not in the least. I'm happy to have been able to see that graph go down another notch.  Regardless of how deep it went, it's better than flatlining, any day.

No....I think it's just frustration.

• After five weeks and counting, I'm still in the 240's.  I'm sick of getting on the scale and seeing that number four in the tens' place. I've been ready to see a three there for the past three weeks, and I'm STILL a pound away.
• I am a pound away from hitting the next goal on my list.
• I am 9.8 pounds away from the 50-pounds-lost mark, which I REALLY wanted to hit before we go to Chattanooga in two weeks to celebrate Keith's birthday.

Here's the thing; frustration never killed anyone. It's just made them miserable.  And I have to decide today whether I want to stay miserable, or if I want to get the hell over it and move on.  Today is a new day, and it's the start of a new week.  I can either wallow in self-pity, or I can get off my butt and make this week count.

• I can eat clean, and stay on point this week.
• After a two month stall due to the weather and my crazy schedule, I can finally, finally get MOVING again.
• I can keep a positive attitude.
• I can make each day the best it can possibly be.
• I can remove every reason for failure that is possible to remove, so that when I get on that scale next Friday, I will have killed that weigh-in.  And the momentum will be enough to carry me through the week after.

In other words, I can have faith in myself, and patience, and I can ROCK this!

Weekend Recap

The weekend was, in a word, AWESOME.  I mean from start to finish, it was awesome.  We took our time going down to Atlanta on Thursday, and although we ate out most of the day, I ate responsibly.  Thursday afternoon and Friday were work days for us, and although I stayed extremely conscious of what I ate, I actually wound up eating very little of what I had taken with me. I didn't need to. It's a fortunate thing that my sister-in-law is very health-conscious of what she feeds her family, and makes much from scratch.  So I was able to eat very well and still stay within my boundaries.

I did have a shot of spiced rum after dinner.  And it was yummy.  And I did count every drop of those empty calories.  And I did still stay within my limit. Yay!

Saturday was party day.  A delicious, all-natural, organic meal at an amazing event put on by my sister for my mother's 80th birthday.  A great time with family and friends, followed by an amazing hen party at my mom's (where I forewent the pizza and opted for a couple of slices of ham, instead), and an evening out with Keith and our daughter, Jessica.  We went bar-hopping, something neither Keith or myself has done in YEARS (or really wanted to now, lol), and I am proud to say that I had three shots, all within my limits.

Sunday was part church, part rest, part work, and part fellowshipping with family.  We had a great time, and it was the perfect way to wrap up the weekend before our trip home on Monday.  We took our time coming back, and again...although every meal was eaten on the road, I was very careful of the content and stayed within my limits.

I'm very proud of myself, and consider it a victory if I only maintained this week.  I don't believe that I did, though...I already feel as though I've lost a bit, which will be amazing if it turns out to be true.  I did my best, even with the alcohol, to stay on track and drink all my water or more, so I'm happy no matter what the outcome.  I could not have had a better time, so if I can come out of it with a maintenance weigh-in, I will have proved to myself that I can do this for the long haul, and do it beautifully.

Weekend Challenge

Well....I made one goal, but came just shy of another one. Still very happy, and only slightly disappointed that I didn't make it. I'm down another 2 pounds this morning, which puts me at 241.8...a total of 39.2 pounds lost.  This is awesome, no doubt...especially given that I had to weigh one day early this week. We're going out of town this weekend, headed to Atlanta as I type. It's a business trip with a lot of pleasure thrown in, and I expect to see a lot of family that hasn't seen me since the second week after I started.

I had really wanted to go down and be able to say that I'd lost 40 pounds so far, but dangit, I'm .8 shy of being able to say that. It was the goal I didn't meet. I came close, though! I am at a lower BMI, however, so I can mark that off my list of goals as accomplished.

This weekend will be full of challenges, just as much as the last time we went. But I'm a little better prepared this time, I think. I went out last night and bought a nice rolling cooler. This morning, I packed it full of all my food for the weekend, so I'm all ready. And the cooler means I won't have to be embarrassed about taking up all the room in our hosts' refrigerator, like I was last time.

I'm feeling strong, my resolution is firmly in place, I have tons of energy, and it's April, which means I can get back to the track! My plan is to start next week the day after we get back, but if I can manage to slip away and sneak in a workout while we're gone, so much the better!

No stress, though, either way. If I do, I'll just count it as a bonus. ;-)

The Birth of a Binger

I've been seriously addicted to a weight-loss blog I've been following for the past couple of years, now. The author goes through such a mental process with her writing that I just can't seem to get enough.  There's a lot more to getting healthy than just losing the weight that's on your body.  You have to work on the fat in your head, too, which she does beautifully.

In going through some old posts of hers this morning from a few years back, discussing the impact her parents' divorce had on her, I ran across this bit that made me do some hard thinking:

The birth of my binge eating problem had nothing to do with my parents as people but everything to do with my own need to find a coping mechanism; as a 12, 13 year old kid, I wasn't thinking about anything other than how to make the hurt go away. No one is more or less guilty.

My binge eating started early, too...about nine or ten, as I recall, in the period of time directly after my mother died.  Both my siblings were a good bit older than me, and had, for different reasons, moved out of the house, either directly preceeding or directly after her death (my sister got married; my brother went off to college).  For the first time in my life, I was coming home to an empty house every day.  And that emptiness rattled in my bones.

Waiting for my father to come home from work every day seemed to take an eternity.  I filled the time watching TV and binging on whatever looked remotely interesting in the pantry.  I can vividly recall finding a jar of Tang instant breakfast drink (think freeze-dried Sunny D), and eating the powder like Lick-em-aid candy.  My poor, newly-widowed father, not having any clue as to what the depths of the pantry contained at that point, never missed it.  And I got by with pretty much cleaning out the pantry unnoticed.

That started two trends for me; eating to fill the void, and eating in secret...and I started packing on the pounds.  "Puberty", they said.  "She'll grow out of it."  But I was a late bloomer, and all my insecurities started adding up.  Puberty did not see me grow out of it.  Instead of growing lean as I grew tall, I just....grew.  My height made me stick out at school, and I became the 'amazon'....the 'linebacker'...the girl who didn't want to dress out for P.E.  And thus started the slide.

I've always contributed my binging to boredom in the past....being a latchkey kid in the 70's.  But I think my blogger friend had the right idea....in the immediate aftermath of my mother's death from a fatal disease at a far-too-young age, I too wasn't thinking about anything other than how to make the hurt go away.

I've blamed myself for my actions during that time period so much over the years; I know that now.  I've kicked that latchkey kid a million times in my head for her 'laziness', her reaction to boredom. I've regretted that start to my downward spiral, blaming my family bitterly for leaving me alone to fend for myself, for not noticing my self-destructive behavior, not thinking about how badly each one of us must have been hurting at that time.  When I wasn't blaming them, I was blaming myself for not getting off my ass and being active, for not keeping my nose out of the TV and out of that damned pantry.  But I've never, not once, thought of my behavior as a way to cope with the profound loss of my mother.  Looking back now with new eyes, I'm thinking that maybe it's time to forgive my family, and especially that little girl whose world had just been turned upside down.  Instead of condemnation, I'm starting to see that what she really needed was assurance that everything was going to be alright....and a really, really big hug.

Conflicted

I'm very mixed up and confused about my weigh-in this week.  And I've put off posting to try to work out my feelings and maybe compose my thoughts a little, but it didn't seem to be working, so rather than put it off any longer, maybe I'll just try to work through it while I ramble.

I felt kinda meh all week. Fine, but I didn't really feel like I'd lost anything.  Although not exactly on point with my eating, I did watch my food and intake very carefully, and never went above my calorie allotment once.  I got all my water in, but I never got the chance to exercise.  So I had very mixed feelings at my weigh-in on Friday morning.

247.  A two pound gain.

There could be several reasons for this, but the most likely culprit is probably that three nights in a row, Keith called me to pick up dinner on my way home.  So....Tuesday night, it was Chick-fil-a, Wednesday night, Chinese, and Thursday night, Zaxby's.  I ate grilled chicken salads, except for Wednesday night, when I got curry chicken and hot and sour soup, which I divided into two portions, and had the second half for lunch on Thursday.  But still....the sodium must have been horrific.

So...I decided to weigh again on Saturday morning, AFTER I had eaten strictly on point all day and drank twice my normal intake of water to flush my system.  And lo, and behold....I was back down to 243.8....a 1 1/2 pound loss.  And much more acceptable.

(TMI Alert!) After breakfast, my tummy started rumbling, and I realized that my system had been very sluggish all week, which probably also contributed to my meh-ness and water retention.  Once my...er...business had concluded, I felt tremendously more like myself....lighter and full of energy, which I had been lacking this week.  All this, I contribute to the fact that I started on some serious vitamin supplements this week, which contain iron....known for causing folks to be...er....irregular.  At least until their systems get used to it.

So....although I AM down this week, I'm not feeling great about it.  I feel like I could have and SHOULD have done better, although I'm not sure how, given that I couldn't really exercise this week.  Standing on that scale Friday morning, I felt like such a failure, like I was gonna turn around and magically be 37 pounds heavier....back to square one.  Of course, my mind knows this is not possible, but it also knows how fast I do gain, and the thought of having to do this all over again terrifies me.  I've worked so hard, and I don't want to either backslide, or go into a plateau that will leave me so frustrated I give up.

One thing I am coming to understand and accept:  my body takes far less food than I have ever given it to sustain itself. It is an efficiently burning machine that I have spent years overfueling, simply because I could.  It is time to change that.  Even after I go into maintenance mode, I don't think I will ever see the day I go over 1500 calories again; it's just not necessary for me.  And although at some point, I am sure that I will go back to eating some foods that are not acceptible right now, I will ALWAYS have to modify the amount to a fraction of the portions I've always been used to....it's simply a waste I can't afford.

So....I'm .8 pounds away from hitting my next goal.  With a big long-weekend trip coming up next week to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday in Atlanta, I was really hoping to go down and be able to say I'd lost 40 pounds so far this year.  As it stands right now, I will need to lose 2.8 pounds between now and Thursday morning to accomplish that.  Not out of the ball park....but a long shot, unless I can somehow find a way to stoke my metabolic fire between now and then. I don't know if I can do it...but I'm sure gonna try.

Rest, Rest, and More Rest

My plan to start back with my workouts over the weekend unfortunately went south.  I have regrets, but I can't really say that I'm sorry.  It's one of the sucky parts of aging that our bodies just can't physically keep up with what our minds are convinced are totally doable.....like being able to work all day, and then drive all night (no can do...not anymore, but my brain sure thinks I can).  What I'm learning is that, although my energy and stamina are improving dramatically on a daily basis, there are still limits to what my almost 52-year-old body is able to do.  And with the enormous amounts of overtime I've been putting in the past few weeks, my body was at a breaking point, in terms of physically AND mentally. 

So...I took the weekend off.  And by 'off', I mean I did nothing except eat and watch TV and REST.

I may have been a slug, but my food was on point, however.  I have gotten to a very comfortable place in my eating, and I think now that I'm in the groove, I'll be able to ride it out pretty well going forward.  I manage to work in good things...savory things...that keep me from getting bored or restless without going overboard, and they are still totally within the boundaries I've set for myself.  Case in point; I have found an amazing cajun crab dip at the grocery store that is made with no mayo. Two tablespoons is only 70 calories (it's mostly just diced crab), and I pair it with Nut Thins crackers, 8 of which are only 65 calories.  That makes for one helluva delicious treat, and totally within my parameters!

The slug bit notwithstanding, I feel SO MUCH BETTER after two days of rest! I woke up yesterday rejuvinated and ready for my week ( another long one), and although my housework didn't thank me for it, I know that the time off was not time wasted, but a necessity.  I did not work out, but my body did nothing but benefit from the rest.

Today, I'll be going out to lunch with all my coworkers at a Mexican restaurant.  I'm looking forward to the cameraderie, and have already decided on having a delicious taco salad (no cheese or guac, extra lettuce, fresh salsa for dressing...yumm!), so I'll be totally prepared when I get there.  Making the choice ahead of time totally takes out the angst, and all I have to do is enjoy myself! 

I'm really liking where my head is these days, how strong I've become, both mentally and physically.  I feel like I'm playing from a position of power, now, and that's a really, really good feeling.

Scheduling

Today, being Friday, was my weekly weigh-in.  Honestly, considering how I've been feeling all week, I really didn't expect to see much of a drop at all in the numbers. I told Keith if I saw half a pound, I'd consider it a major victory, and he pointed out that I'd had quite a long losing streak already, so if I didn't lose anything, this would be the first week I hadn't done so.

It's amazing, having such a supportive hubby. I am a lucky woman.

However, despite my worries, I did manage to drop a pound and a half.  Considering the week I've had, I'm ecstatic.  And no, that was not sarcasm.

I know that in order to step up my game, I'm going to have to start back with my workouts, and I don't just mean to lose more at my weigh-ins.  With all this loss comes a lot of loose skin, and the more I lose, the more I can see what a lack of muscle tone I have.  That needs to be corrected NOW, if I'm really going to see long-term results and look as good as I feel. So, I've just simply got to find a way to work IN my workOUTS to my hectic daily schedule.

When I'm not working overtime, it's pretty simple; I just go walk or run after work, before I go home.  That's my favorite time to go, because it helps me work out the stress from my day, and leaves me relaxed and ready to enjoy my evening.  I sleep better and wake up feeling rested and ready for the day ahead.  But right now, my overtime is insane, I'm chronically tired as a result, and it's not looking like it's going to improve any time soon.  My current day:

Time	Activity
4:15am	Wake up, make coffee, shower, dress, gather things for the day.
5:45am	Leave for work
6:45am	Arrive at work
3:30pm	End of regular day, start of overtime
6:30pm	Leave work
7:30-8:00pm	Arrive home (time depends on whether I have to run errands on the way)
9:00pm	Bedtime

As you can see, there is very little time to spare, once I actually get home. If I'm lucky and don't have to stop anywhere, I may have an hour and a half of 'free' time before I hit the hay, but in that time, I'm eating dinner, washing dishes, and taking care of those thousands of little things one has to do to simply maintain.  Where in the world can I work in a workout??  This is really, really bothering me right now.

I know that I have to let those things that are out of my control go, but it's very hard. My best plan at the moment is to at LEAST do my day one and two workouts on the weekends.  If nothing else, I can get that done, but it will not help with my plan to get back on the track in April, so I need to figure something out for that.  I'm hoping that by then, I will be leaving work at 5:30 instead of 6:30 every night...that will buy me the extra hour I need for the track in the evenings on the way home.

*sigh*  They say we make time for the things we think are the most important to us.  And although I tend to agree with this in general terms, it is not always possible. In the meantime, all I can do is to work what I can control to the best of my ability, and that is exactly what I'm going to do.

So...beginning this weekend, I will do my best to get some much-needed rest, but I will also try to get my workouts in.  I will be working until 6:30pm for the next two weeks, so it may be hard, if not impossible to walk during the week.... but after that, I'm going to get my track time back.  And God willing, I'm going to use it.

Out of Sorts

I'm not sure what it is, but I haven't felt 100% all week.  My eating's been good, strictly on point in fact, and I've gotten all my water in, but I don't have that same light, energetic feeling I had last week.  Not only that, but I've felt bloated and distended, and (pardon the TMI) been very gassy also, which is not normally an issue on this diet.

This morning, I woke up and felt downright nauseous.  I sipped my coffee slowly while getting dressed, and on my way to work, and now that I've arrived, the nausea is finally starting to subside.  I'll eat my breakfast in about a half hour from now, and I'm hoping that it will boost me the rest of the way.

I can't help but keep thinking that somehow....even though it was four days ago...it's the fault of the pizza I ate on Sunday.  I just haven't felt right, since.  I know there's a lot to be said for shocking your body when you're on a long-term diet to keep from plateauing, but I think there's such a thing as shocking it too much....and I think maybe that's what I did this week.  If that's the case, boy...lesson learned.  I want the days of feeling like this behind me.

If I still feel like this next week, I'm going to schedule a Dr.'s visit.  But I really think it's just bad decision-making that is the culprit here.  And I'm really, really looking forward to feeling like I did last week again....soon.

In the meantime....I've made a list of significant goals that I'm looking forward to hitting on this journey to 170 (my goal), and I've found that I've already hit about a third of them, which cheered me up quite a bit!  I love visuals, anyway... they always seem to help me, no matter what my project is.

Goal	Significance	Date	Actual Weight
	Starting Weight, BMI 41	10/14/2014	281.0
278	BMI 40	1/5/2015	277.6
271	BMI 39	1/12/2015	270.2
270	New Decade	1/16/2015	268.8
264	BMI 38	1/27/2015	263.6
260	New Decade	2/13/2015	257.8
257	BMI 37	2/20/2015	254.6
256	25 POUNDS LOST!!	2/20/2015	254.6
250	New Decade, BMI 36	3/13/2015	246.6
243	BMI 35
240	New Decade
236	BMI 34
231	50 POUNDS LOST!!
230	New Decade
229	BMI 33
222	BMI 32
220	New Decade
216	BMI 31
210	New Decade
209	BMI 30
206	75 POUNDS LOST!!
202	BMI 29 (no longer obese, now just overweight)
200	New Decade
199	Onederland!
195	BMI 28
190	New Decade
188	BMI 27
181	BMI 26, 100 POUNDS LOST!!!
180	New Decade
174	BMI 25
170	GOAL!!!
167	BMI 24 (no longer overweight)

I've had several other weigh-ins that are not listed on this chart, only because I didn't hit any goals on them.  At some point I may add those in as well, but for the purposes of this list, I don't think it adds very much, so for now, I'm just going to change the chart when my weigh-in reaches a goal.

I'm very excited about checking my chart in the morning after my weigh-in to see if I've hit anything new!

Date Nights, and Assorted Stuff

I don't know why, but last week, when Keith said "I'm taking you out for dinner Friday night", I got inordinately excited.  As a general rule, we usually go out at least once, sometimes twice a week.  But there was something about the way he said it this time that made my heart skip a beat.  Then when I asked him if we could go to the little Japanese restaurant we found several weeks ago for sushi, and he said he was good with that....it skipped a few more times.  And then I found that I could not wait for Friday night.

Turned out that I had to work late on Friday, but Keith had driven me to work that morning so he could use my car to run errands in town, so he actually picked me up, and we had the best night.  Just dinner....no drinks or dancing....but it was so nice! We lingered after, sipping hot tea and talking, and it was just the perfect way to start our weekend. And the food was a-mazing (again).  This little restaurant (Miso) has turned into one of my faves....I could eat their sushi every day.  And the best part is that it is so good for me! I really loved the time we spent, just sharing our thoughts, too.  Not like eating so we don't have to cook, but like spending time together.  Dates are important, and as much as we eat out, we don't date nearly enough. I'm hoping we can work on changing that.

We were supposed to go down to the camper and work on stuff Saturday, but it was such a nasty day, we postponed the heavy stuff until Sunday and just worked around the house all day mostly paying bills and stuff.  We got a lot done, though, and it made me very happy to not have to overexert too much.  After working so much overtime last week, I really needed a day to rest and recoup.  But Sunday morning dawned bright and clear, and we could tell it was going to be a lovely warm day, so we got up, packed some food for the day, and went down to the work site.

The 'work site' is actually next door to us, at the foot of our long, obscenely steep quarter mile driveway.  It's located on the original property we bought, and we lived there in a FEMA camper for the first two years, until the lady that sold us the property (who lived next door) decided to sell out and move to Boone, where she worked.  We jumped at the chance to buy the adjoining property, and moved on up.  But we still have that little camper and made the mistake of renting it out to one of our offspring for a year.

O.M.G.  The mess she left behind when she moved. We should have jacked it up and laid dynamite under it.

Neither of us had the heart to go into it for a long time, but we finally cowboyed up, and armed with heavy work gloves and a huge roll of industrial-strength construction-grade lawn and leaf bags, cleaned out the mess.  That just left the heavy cleaning, which I put off for months.  And since we are now using that site to build a house for our good friend, Tracy, which means we have to move the trailer, AND since we now have a buyer for said trailer, it meant that it was time to get busy.

That was my job Sunday. When I say that I worked hard on that trailer for four and a half hours, I mean I worked HARD.  Scrubbing, bending, stretching, sweeping, mopping.....and burning mega calories.  So much so, that I actually got sick a few times and had to take breaks.  I ate at regular intervals, of course...and drank plenty of water, but I could tell that my body was having to tap into its reserves, big time. 

By the time I finished (or at least got to a stopping point), I was so sore and exhausted I could hardly move, much less fix dinner.  Keith had been working on his own stuff down there, and he was just as tired as I was, so we decided to order a thin crust pizza from the only place that's close to our house. His half had ground beef, mushrooms and black olives, and my side was veggie.  I ate mine without any guilt, and enjoyed every bite of it, knowing that I had earned the calories, and STILL was below my calorie limit for the day.  Then I took a hot shower and drugs and went to bed in an overheated bed, where the warmth relaxed me enough to finally go to sleep.

This morning, I feel fine. Still a bit sore, but nothing like last night.  And I'm ready and prepared to jump right back on plan.  In fact, I'm looking forward to another long (lots of overtime), but successful week.  What about you?

I Knew It!

Yep....I could feel it! I said so, and it was true.  I could actually feel myself losing weight this past week, and when I jumped on the scale this morning, I had a 4 1/2 pound loss!  That's more than my usual three, and I think that it more than made up for my crappy week last week.  I'm so stinking happy right now!!!  And very excited.  This brings my total loss to 34.5, and means that I am only 13.5 pounds away from my next goal....the 50 pound mark!

One of the concerns I've had on this journey is my BMI, which I haven't measured.  So I found a chart on the internet that tells me what it is based on my weight, which is good since I don't have a set of calipers to measure it on my own.  According to the chart, I've been in the 'obese' category for God knows how long.  Currently, I'm at 35%, down from 42%.

Forty-two per cent.  Oh. My. God.  That's almost half my weight!!!

(breathe....breathe....)

Ok, so my ultimate goal for the moment is 170, subject to revisions as I approach it.  I am, after all, tall, over 50, with kids, so I'm trying to err on the upper end of the spectrum, which I think is a much more realistic goal than say, 150.  If I get to 170 and see that I could stand to lose a little more, I can naturally adjust another five pounds, say, until I feel comfortable.  But I'm a long way from that decision just yet.  My concern with that is that at 174 pounds, my BMI will be 25%, which is still considered 'overweight'.  It doesn't drop down to 24% (the top of the 'normal' range) until I hit 167 pounds.  A difference of 3 pounds may not be huge now, but it could be astronomical in terms of hitting my goal once I get there.

At any rate, I'm not ready to change my ultimate goal just yet.  Still, it's good information to have in order to keep my perspective as I plan and strive toward the end of my active weight loss phase and the beginning of my active maintenance phase, which must continue for the rest of my life, if I am to stay healthy and like Spock, live long and prosper.

It's amazing to feel that old groove again.  I'm not sure how it happened, not sure how I got here, but I'm back in the sweet spot, and I'm gonna ride it for all it's worth, right up to the end.  This time, I feel more prepared to get to my ultimate goal, more braced for all the little changes that I know will happen this time that I didn't even know to be prepared for before.  Those little changes blindsided me.  If I'm honest, they really freaked me out, and all of a sudden, I turned a corner one day and didn't know who I was any more.  That may have been the scariest thing that I ever had to face, and considering my life, that's saying a lot.  I totally had a meltdown.  But of all the things I've ever read about weight loss, especially from people who have lost a substantial amount, I've never read anything that would have prepared me for the day that I'd look in the mirror and see a stranger.

This time, I know it's going to happen.  This time, at least for the moment....I'm ready.

Giddiness

This week has been very busy, but all in a good way.  Interestingly enough, although I have put in 3 hours of overtime every night, I've felt better and had more energy when I got home than I did after a regular day even a month ago.  Before, I would be so exhausted by the time I got home, I just wanted to cry, eat, and go to bed, in that order.

I have felt so good this week! I have a new bounce in my step, I can feel my body shrinking, and unlike last week, am totally stoked about getting on the scale tomorrow morning.  A lot of this has to do with knowing my food has been strictly on point this week, but I think it also has to do with my water intake.  It's amazing to me how quickly my body responds when I give it what it needs, instead of shoving it full of what's convenient (or what I'm craving at the moment).

Maybe my slow-down last week was due to my getting slack with the program, maybe it was my body just needing a minute to catch it's breath before continuing on....I don't know.  I only know that I can feel the difference this week...my body, revving itself up. The energy being released, and also being stored up to do extraordinary things when I finally hit the track in April.

When I began this journey, I told myself that I would start running again in March, as I had so long ago.  Of course, I had no idea that we would be slammed so hard with icy, snowy winter weather this year, which would have made it most likely self-defeating, had I stuck to that plan. But the week before, Keith asked me to hold off for a while, to give my body more of a chance to adjust.  He thought I should wait until the summer, but he is not, nor has he ever been a runner.  Not that he can't run...he was in the Army, so of course he can run.  Not only that, but he can step on the track today and run 3 or 4 miles at a decent pace, and that with no training whatsoever.  He just hates running. He has never had any desire to run, or participate in any races, so with the exception of boot camp, he has never gone through the training process.  And he doesn't realize that you can't start training at the height of the summer heat.

The whole reason behind me starting back with my running in March was to be able to build up my stamina and heat tolerance so that I would be prepared by the time that heat hit me in summer.  I want to be able to run through the hottest season, into the fall, and beyond.  I want to be an all-seasons runner, even through the winter.  And that means that I have to condition myself to it.

So....I agreed to a delay, which I felt was probably wise at the time.  But I compromised by only delaying for a month.  That way, the winter weather is behind me, and I can go full steam ahead.  Waiting that month means that I will start running at least 10 pounds lighter than I would have in March, with much more energy, and riding a high of accomplishment at having lost 40 pounds, already.  I think I can live with that.

I feel so much more prepared this time.  And I feel like I am bursting at the seams to get out there.  This extra energy is surging out of me all the time, it seems like. I'm giddy...almost drunk with it, and it feels incredible, making me realize how long I've actually felt like crap. I don't ever, ever want to forget what being over 100 pounds overweight did to me, not just physically, but emotionally, too.  And most of all, I don't ever, ever want to feel like that again.

Another decade...sort of.

What a gorgeous weekend!  I got so much done, both inside and outside, and enjoyed the HECK out of some Spring-like weather, which both body and soul sorely needed after the pounding we've taken this Winter.  My eating was off...not that I ate too much, but that I didn't eat nearly enough.  Being super busy tends to make me do that. I don't like taking time out to stop and eat.

Still...I jumped on the scale Saturday morning, and realized that all the little things I have been doing off-plan have caused my metabolism to pretty much grind to a halt.  I only registered a half pound loss. Enough to be able to say I've lost 30 lbs, but not enough to say that I've hit a new decade on the scale. Still...all forward motion counts, right?

Right.  But that doesn't mean that we have to be satisfied with less than what we want.

Which means that I will be doubling my efforts to stay strictly on plan this week, make sure I drink all my water every day, and get in whatever exercise I can manage.  The last will be the hardest, since I'm scheduled to work crazy overtime this week, but if I can just get my eating back on track, it will help tremendously!  Well...that, and nicer weather...

Antsy-ness

After some really stellar back-and-forth Winter to Spring weather this week, we have now swung back to Winter with a vengeance.  Yesterday, when I left the office, it was an almost warm 70+ degrees outside, with blue skies and fluffy clouds.  Today, we're expecting a wintery mix, culminating in ice.  It's enough to drive you mad.  And it's a wonder everybody's not dead from pneumonia with the fluctuations.

I've been staying pretty much on point with my eating, but snacking too much on peanuts and cashews this week.  Even though my calories are still under my limit, it's not good for me, and I know it.  On top of that, no matter how I try to 'wipe off the salt' as I eat, I know I'm getting MUCH more than I should have, and that's making me retain water and giving me tummy issues.

Oh...and did I mention I went two days without drinking any water?  TWO DAYS.

This is not good.  And it's why...in lieu of the fact that I've made plans to spend tonight at Tracy's so I can get into work tomorrow, so won't be home for my Friday weigh-in....when I stepped on the scale a day early this morning, I registered, for the FIRST time....no change.

I shouldn't be surprised that this has happened....my body is probably needing a breather to adjust to the almost 30 lb. loss.  But I'd be lying if I didn't say it wasn't highly unnerving.

SOOO....today, I'm staying on point, going light on my dinner, and FLUSHING my body like crazy with as much water as I can stand.  I won't be able to weigh until Saturday morning...and only then if I'm lucky enough to be able to get home tomorrow night, but I'm hoping that my efforts now will pay off with at least a 1 lb loss.  I really need to see that to keep my morale boosted.  I know I shouldn't, because I know that I'm doing what's best for my body, regardless of what the scale shows, but right now, it's important to me to get some payback for all my hard work so I can keep this going.  I'm very proud that I've managed 60 days so far, and I don't want to stall now.  So yes, I'm a bit antsy.  And I am so ready for this bad weather to be GONE!!! It's really driving me crazy right now!

Happy Monday!

I'm not being facetious...I really mean it!  I feel so good today, being back in my normal routine!  The snow is practically gone from the rain and milder temps, and even though it's supposed to rain most of the week...I am HOME again!  With my hubby, and my boys, and my STUFF...my comfort zone is complete! 

It's really amazing how much you change as you age, when it comes to stuff like that.  I remember a time not so long ago when I could have slept standing up in a corner, and made do with whatever I had to hand.  Anymore, not so much.  I crave my routine, and when I don't have it/can't do it, it leaves me frustrated and feeling incompetent in everything I do that day.  I think part of it is because for the first time in my life, I feel like I have a real 'home', a place to truly call my own, not just a house to store my stuff temporarily, until my 'real' life kicks in.

Keith and I made some important decisions this weekend regarding our house renovations, that we are both just ecstatic about, and I think I may still be riding that high, too, lol.  Whatever the reason, I feel solid this morning, like this week, I'm gonna rock it out of the park....and that makes me happy.

I finally got to weigh yesterday morning, and got my expected 3 pounds, which is pretty amazing, considering all the makeshift changes I went through the past two weeks.  That puts me just shy of the 30 pound mark, so next week, I should be in a new decade.  Pretty exciting stuff, all around, I'd say.

A Pox on This Snow!!

Today should be my weekly weigh-in day, but because I'm not home, it's not.  I made a mistake by trying to get on Tracy's scale this morning, but no matter what it read, I wasn't going to be happy with it, so I'm not sure why I even tried. If it had registered a loss, I wouldn't have trusted it, and the gain I saw I'm not sure WAS an actual gain.

That said, I have been very slack on my water for the past three days, and I've indulged in some peanuts that were salted, although I tried to get as much salt off as possible as I ate them.  Still...it all adds up.  So my plan for the next couple of days is to flush my body with as much water as I can stand, and do my best to stay STRICTLY on point until I can get back to my OWN scale, which will measure the gain/loss accurately, even if the weight itself is not specifically accurate.

I can feel myself getting really antsy.  Today makes a week since I've been home, and I am really, really ready to be back there. I miss my hubby....terribly.  I miss my boys.  I miss my comfort zone.  I really appreciate Tracy's hospitality this week, but sleeping on her couch is taking its toll on my body, as well, and I am longing for my own bed.  I know all this stress has been contributing to my not-so-strict adherence to my protocol, but at this point in the program, I absolutely can NOT afford to fall off the wagon, as I have so many times in the past.  I MUST stay the course!!

So...back to being a good girl....the best girl I know how to be.  And the rest will just have to sort itself out over the weekend. I'm not a child that can't handle a little adversity.  I'm not a whiner....at least, I don't want to be.  And if I can't suck up a few days away from home, then I'm not as tough as I've always let on to the world that I was.  And that, to me, is unacceptable.  I can tough out a couple more days, and then I'll be home, and the worst of this winter, God willing, will be OVER.

Progress Report...

Well...I took a truly awesome pic this morning to add to my before pic that sort of catalogs the progress I've made so far.  The problem is that I can't seem to upload any pics lately! This is becoming very frustrating. I'm pretty sure that the server at work is blocking my uploads, and that's the computer that I've been using to post my blogs.  But the app on my phone won't let me upload anything, either!  I'm beginning to think the Cosmos is trying to tell me something. :(

Oh, well...onward and upward, I guess.  Maybe I can come back and add pics later, from my home laptop.

The weather is still sucky, although the roads are clear for the moment.  Snow is due to pound us again tonight, though.  My food is still on point, for the most part.  Tracy and I stopped and got some Chinese food last night for dinner, and it was sooo good!  Hot and spicy, just right to warm up my freezing insides.  Although it's not strictly on my plan, it fell close enough to range, and well within my allotted calories for the day.  I only ate half the portion, and saved the other half to enjoy for dinner tonight!

Still no exercise.  I have cabin fever like crazy, but there is currently nothing to be done about it except wait.  So....I wait.  And hope for Spring to make a very quick entry.

DIE, Winter, DIE!!

The older I get, the more I hate Winter.  Absolutely detest it.  Yes, snow is pretty on postcards, but it throws such a wrench in my plans every day!

*sigh*

I had planned, hoped for....even LONGED for...the first of March.  It was my goal to be back on the track next week.  I'm not going to say it won't happen....anything's possible, I suppose.  But it's not looking likely right now.  Winter just will not go away this year.  Last week, we had two major snow storms that kept me home all week long.  Last night, we had another, and are expecting a fourth to move through tomorrow night.  I so can't WAIT for Spring, and warmer weather!!!

I'm ready to start walking again, on a regular basis.  I'm ready to start RUNNING again, even though I know I will have to work my way up.  I'm ready to start hiking, and biking, and being active in the sunny great outdoors!!  I'm ready for SPRING!!!

Back on Track

Oh, boy.  I never thought I'd say this, but does it EVER feel good to be back on schedule!!!  I didn't realize how terrible I felt having to fudge on my food last week.  And I'm not just talking about physically or emotionally....I'm talking about ALL of it! 

I went by the store Saturday night on my way home from work and picked up just the essentials I would need to get through the next few days, thinking it would be hard to get back in the swing of things after eating 'real' food so much last week.  But I found I was actually looking forward to getting back on track, and my body breathed a big sigh of relief all day yesterday, knowing that I was not going to have to angst about sliding back on my hard-earned weight loss.  I've got the momentum going right now, and I sure don't want to lose it!  Even though I haven't been able to exercise at all, that hasn't bothered me nearly as much as not being on point with my food.  I feel that as long as I have that under control, the exercise (at this point, at least) is kind of incidental.

I know there will come a time (and very, very soon!) that this will not be the case.  But as long as I can at least get through the worst of the Winter weather, I'll be ok.  After all...this is a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix.  And that means that I will be exercising for the long haul, long after my food goes to maintenance levels.

Still....I just can't wait for Spring to get here!!!

Snowed In

I don't know how northerners do it. It's quite obvious that I am a dyed-in-the-wool southerner, because I just can't handle the snow.  I just can't.  I've tried...believe me.  But I wimp out every time.

Last Saturday, the weather turned really super-cold, and (due to our own stupidity) our pipes froze.  We tried to thaw them out, but gave it up on Sunday as a bad job, and realized we'd just have to tough it out for a week with bottled/jugged water, as the temps weren't supposed to go above freezing for days.  Monday was a holiday, and we made a run into town for a few supplies and to fill up the propane tanks.  Thank God we did, because it started snowing Monday afternoon, and hasn't really stopped since.

Needless to say, we got snowed in, and the house is currently surrounded by more than a foot of snow.  And by house, I mean driveway.

For most folks, getting down their driveway is no big deal.  But when you live on a mountain, and your driveway is a quarter mile long with a super-steep drop, it becomes a very different story.  Unless you want to go skiing the hard way...with no skis...in your car...you don't move when it snows. Tuesday, we only had about six inches, so Keith fired up the bobcat and tried to clear what he could off the driveway so he could bring his truck up after running into town.  Since it has tracks, the bobcat is really our best shot at navigating the steep slope.  Keith made it down, but couldn't get back up in his truck (which was the object), and actually got stuck, so he told me I had to come get him.

Terrified is not the word.  But I made it.  Trouble is, I couldn't get my car back up, either...even in 4wd.  So the only options we had were to hoof it (as it was getting dark) in the by-now super slick ice/snow, or to bring the bobcat back up.  Even though it meant me having to ride in the bucket, I voted for option #2.  And thankfully, we made it back up in one piece.

Wednesday, it snowed again...another six inches.  And not only were we stuck with no water in below zero temps, but the bobcat wouldn't even crank, because it was so cold. So we huddled in until Friday morning, when we ran out of water. The weather broke enough to get the car cranked (the bobcat is still frozen up, as we speak), and we headed down to where my car was parked.  I was even MORE terrified on the way down the driveway, but we made it in one piece with all our empty water jugs and dirty clothes, and were able to get back into town. 

The weather is still horrible, but at least I'm in town now, staying with a friend, so I can get into work next week, with any luck.  I sure can't afford to take any more time off!  Right now, I'm putting in a few hours of overtime to get caught back up before Monday.  This week, looks like a lot more bad weather headed our way, but maybe it won't be AS bad.  All I know is that Spring can't get here soon enough!!

Through it all, though, even though I haven't been able to really exercise at all, and have had to fudge a LOT on my eating plan (due to lack of supplies and an abundance of drinking water), I still managed to drop another 3 lbs, AND hit my first 25 lb. goal.  I'm very encouraged by that, but am also very concerned that my metabolism will either slow or stop again if this keeps up for too much longer.  I can go maybe another week like this, but after that, I just don't know.  So it's really important for me to get back on track as soon as humanly possible.  I'm really praying for this horrible weather to break for more reasons than one!

I Heart Fridays

Fridays have always been my favorite day of the week.  The weekend hasn't started yet, and it's just stretching out before you, full of possibility.  And laziness....don't forget laziness.  That's the best part! :)

All kidding aside, I do love Fridays, so it's kind of amazing that it took so long to make it my weigh-in day.    This morning, I jumped on the scale, and as predicted, saw the 257 I was looking for...followed by a .8.  So I just did make it.  In total, I had a 2.5 lb. loss, which is a great accomplishment by any standards.  The problem was, I knew I could have...and should have...made 3, if I'd exercised too.  But I didn't.  That was my choice, and I have to live with that decision. Circumstances are all fine and good, but at the end of the day, they are just excuses.  No matter how busy we are, we make time for the things that are most important to us, and it's pretty obvious that exercise is not high priority to me right now.

That has got to change.  That mentality will not have me on the track in two weeks, and it will not satisfy my craving to be 'out there' as the weather warms up and spring calls my name.  Yes, I can lose this weight without having to exercise....but will I like the result?  Will I be able to live with the resulting flabby muscles along with the flabby skin I already know I'm going to have to deal with?  I can have surgery to remove excess skin.  But that muscle is permanent, and the lack of strength/resistance training is not helping my aging bones, either.

So...much more to consider here than whether my teeth have to chatter or not.  The temp is not predicted to rise above freezing today, but I've worn my long johns.  Let's see if I know how to put my money where my mouth (and mind) are.  After all...today is the start of a brand new week.  A week that will hopefully see me hit my first 25 lb. goal.

It's the Little Things

Yesterday went pretty well.  I only deviated once from my eating (not cashews, thank God!), and that was on the way home from work.  I worked over really late last night, and wanted to pick something up on the way home so I could eat on the road, and save time when I got home.  I was so tired, I just wanted to go to bed.

So, I thought hard and then stopped by Chick-Fil-A and got a grilled chicken sandwich on whole wheat with just lettuce and tomato....no mayo.  It was the healthiest option, and the lowest in calories that I could actually eat while driving, and I may just do it again tonight....although I do have to weigh in the morning.  Hmm...

Anyway, no walking yesterday...again.  Hoping to change that SOON, because it's really starting to bug me.  But BY FAR, the COOLEST part of the day was the NSV I scored!

My mother in law has been really worried for months (maybe even years, who knows?) about my rings.  Even though they are not tight IN THE LEAST, they LOOK terrible, because my hands are so puffy and bloated (and FAT).  I've been wearing wide rings for so many years on my ring fingers, though, that there is a permanent groove on both of them.  The result is that even though they look like they're tight enough to cut circulation, they really turn very freely within the grooves.  Getting them off, though...holy cow, get the bone saw.  I literally haven't had my rings off in YEARS.

Yesterday, I was putting lotion on my hands and realized one of my rings was looser than normal. "Hmm", I sez to myself, and pulled.

The ring came right off!

I have a pic, but I'll have to add it later.

Anyway....that was the loosest of the two....my wedding band is a wee bit tighter, so it may take a bit more time to get it off. But I just kept thinking how proud my MIL will be when she sees!

Time to Move

Yesterday was a long day.  After being on the road all day Monday, it was back to the ole' grind with a vengeance.  I love being able to work so much overtime, I really do...I'm very thankful for the opportunity, because it allows Keith to stay home.  But I'd be lying if I said it didn't wear on me some days, especially as I get older.  I want to feel like getting back on the track in two weeks. Hell, I want to feel like getting out and walking TODAY.  But each day, it's a battle.  Too tired, too busy, too effing cold.  Yes, it all applies.  And yes, they're all excuses.

My eating was pretty much on point yesterday, with one exception; the cashews seduced me again.  I counted them, of course, and still stayed under my calorie count for the day;  all the same, I sure am glad the jar is almost empty.

My goal today is pretty simple. I want to move. I've been stagnant on my exercise for about two weeks, now, and that's no bueno.  Gotta do much better if I'm gonna meet my short and long-range fitness goals.  By summer, I want to be flying around the track again, even if that's figuratively speaking.  Besides, the extra push to my metabolism right before my Friday weigh-in sure couldn't hurt!

On the Road Again...

Sunday was a recoup day for me, since it was really my only day off this weekend. We stayed busy fixing the wiring on my car so that the trailer light would work.  This caused me countless trips up to the house and back down to the car fetching/looking for stuff that my husband needed to complete this.  That was good for exercise...but my legs felt like noodles after we were done.  My food was good all day, though, except that I did have a couple of handfuls of whole cashews (sans salt) after dinner.  Even logging them in, and still falling under my calories for the day, I didn't feel really good about my decision....because they're not strictly on my plan, it kinda felt like cheating.

Didn't stop me from doing it again last night, though.  I still don't feel like it was a bad decision, as snacks go...but it does set a dangerous precedent, I'm thinking.  And definitely sets me on a path I do not want to go down at this stage.  So...no to more cashews in my immediate future.

Yesterday was more difficult for me.  I took a sick day and called in to work with a migraine, so that Keith and I could run up to KY to pick up a truck he bought on eBay.  Nice truck, and he's thrilled with it.  Problem is that it is very hard to travel (even for the day) on this program without packing a cooler, and almost impossible to eat on the road if I do pack it.  So yesterday, I ate my breakfast before leaving the house, and then stopped for my mid-morning snack (which consisted of a 6" breakfast sub from Subway...contents: grilled chicken and egg whites), and my lunch, which we stopped at Cracker Barrel for on the way home.  I had a grilled chicken salad, sans dressing, and no carbs at this meal, since I had eaten the bun from my sandwich earlier.  I had no mid-afternoon snack, and a light dinner, again with no carbs, then just the handful of cashews after. And only about three glasses of water, instead of my usual eight.

So....no total meltdowns, and fairly decent choices, I guess.  But I went a bit over my calorie allotment for the day on MFP, and I felt distinctly uncomfortable, knowing my food wasn't strictly on point.  I don't like that feeling, so it's back to regular programming with a vengeance today.  And I'm already feeling better!

My First Milestone

I was so excited when I jumped on the scale yesterday, I just KNEW I was gonna see a loss!  And I really felt that I was going to find myself back in that 3lb-a-week thing that I'd seen the first time I was on this plan 8 (holy cow, has it REALLY been that long??) years ago.  But with the lack of exercise this week, I just wasn't sure if I would see it register on the scale.  I was hoping for two pounds...just enough to hit my first 20 lb. milestone....but I was secretly hoping for three. 

I was not disappointed!! All my hard work is paying off.  I hit my milestone, stayed on course, even with a bum ankle, and I got my 3 lbs!  Not only that, but I was also .2 (please note the point...that's important) lbs away from being in my next decade.  I am so stoked right now!!

Hopefully, I can get my workouts back on track this week.  We're having a momentary break in the nasty weather right now, and although it's still very cold, at least it's not raining or snowing.  I'm working overtime today, which means I'm in town.  So I'm going to try to sneak in a bit of a walk sometime today.  I have errands to run this afternoon, so I want to do it before it gets dark, and right now, it gets dark pretty darned early.

I sure will be glad when spring gets here.  Not only will the weather be warmer, but the days will be longer, too...which will make it much easier to get my walks/runs in after work!

A Little Progress

After walking the last couple of days with pain in my ankle, it felt so good yesterday that I decided to walk anyway.  I didn't do my normal 3+ miles (1 hour), but I did get in two and felt pretty darned good about that.  I'm going to rest it today....don't want to take the chance of injuring it further and creating a major setback instead of a minor one.  So tonight, I'll do my day one workout, and then I'll walk again tomorrow and Saturday(working over on Sat).  Sunday, when I'm home, I'll do my day two workout.  It's scheduled to snow today anyway, so I think that's probably good timing. :)

My food has been good and solid, but I'm not going to lie and say I haven't been extremely tempted to cheat.  There's a huge tin of popcorn in the breakroom that someone brought in after Christmas that is calling my name really bad.  But I just keep thinking that this is the time in my program that I generally start falling apart, and if I really want to be successful this time, I've got to push through.  So far, I've been successful in abstaining.  Hopefully, I can stay strong, but it's really taking a lot of work.

I can't help but think that part of this is stress-driven.  After my blow-up on Tuesday, though, the stress level dropped tremendously yesterday.  I think my message was received, lol, and the individual in question pretty much let me do my job.  That makes a MAJOR difference, and I really hope it continues...at least for a while.

Tomorrow is my weigh-in.  I'm excited!! I really believe I've hit the 20lb. mark, which means I'm almost a quarter of the way to my goal!  A great start, but still a long way to go.

Hump Day....in More Ways Than One.

Well, all my plans to walk/workout yesterday went south.  My ankle just never really felt solid, and I didn't want to risk it and make it worse, so I've decided to take the rest of the week off and just rest it.  On top of that, yesterday was a very rough day for me emotionally. I seemed to be very irritable and agitated all day, and even snapped (very loudly) at my co-worker.  In all fairness, she had it coming, but rarely am I not able to contain an outburst, even as outspoken as I am.  I'm usually fairly even-keeled, but yesterday, I just stayed on edge all day.  It didn't help that I couldn't go walk it off, but it's been seriously cold and icy/windy out this week, even snowy at times, and I just didn't want to risk it.  On top of that, I got home very late from working over, and barely had enough time to make dinner before bedtime.  Keith was sick last night, and couldn't eat the dinner I'd made him.  Being injured, I'm having to do a lot of extra stuff to care for him right now, and maybe that stress, combined with all my work stress is just taking its toll on me.  But I felt the INTENSE urge to cheat and snack last night after dinner.  I was still starving, and had a bag of multigrain chips in my hand before I even realized it.  I did take three.....and I did eat them.  But thankfully, I had the presence of mind to stop before I regretted it, and I went to freaking bed.

So....no lasting harm done. Other than my frayed nerves, I mean.  I still feel a bit....stressed....today, but better.  Overall, I'm really just hoping for a low-key day to help me unwind and get back to my normal, even-keeled self.  Keith has another Dr. appointment today, so I'm hoping for good news on that front, too.  He seems to be doing better, so fingers crossed for a good report.

Injuries are Contageous...

...or are they?  Seems that way, anyway.  Keith injured the ligaments in his knee last week, and I'm not sure what I did yesterday, but when I put my shoe on yesterday morning, I pulled something in my ankle.  Consequently, I hobbled around all day yesterday with my shoe off, and went home on time.  When I got home, I rubbed lavender oil all over it, and wrapped it in an ace bandage overnight.  This morning, it felt much better, although it's still twinging a bit. So I wrapped it again for the day, just to be on the safe side.  I'm not sure what or how I pulled it, but it's supposed to warm up today, so I'm going to try to walk at lunch.  Maybe it will work out what ever is going on.  But if it starts to hurt worse, I'll stop.  Hopefully, I'll be able to finish my walk with no problems.

I'm still wanting to jump on the scale, fighting the urge to cheat and see if/how much more I've lost.  But I'm bound and determined to wait until Friday like a good girl!  Really hoping to hit that 20 lb. mark this week, but if I don't manage to get at least some exercise in, that may be in jeopardy.  If I can't walk today, I know I'll still be able to get my workout in, so that will be my backup plan.

A Friendly Weekend

This was a great weekend, filled with a long-overdue visit from a good friend, and since we have another friend who lives close, it was a wonderful time of fellowship, Keith's injury notwithstanding.  Even with going out on Friday night, I feel like I did well with my food, although I did miss a couple of meals which I know is not good.  I also didn't get enough exercise in, but did manage to sneak in a small hike on Saturday.  Yesterday, I had to make a run into town after my friend left to go home, so I picked up some dinner for us at a mexican drive through.  My choice was a chicken taco salad, sans cheese, beans and sour cream.  It was good....but I ate the bowl. Not terrible in the grand scheme of things, I guess.  Since I didn't have my normal lunch (including baked potato), it was the only carb I had all day. 

I certainly don't feel like I gained or retained anything.  If anything, I actually think I lost a bit, and Keith is certainly noticing a difference...although to look at, I still can't.  It was really hard not to get on the scale this morning, but I am determined to wait until Friday.  In the meantime, I am back to my regularly scheduled program, and am prepared for another successful day (and week).