Out of Sorts

I'm not sure what it is, but I haven't felt 100% all week.  My eating's been good, strictly on point in fact, and I've gotten all my water in, but I don't have that same light, energetic feeling I had last week.  Not only that, but I've felt bloated and distended, and (pardon the TMI) been very gassy also, which is not normally an issue on this diet.

This morning, I woke up and felt downright nauseous.  I sipped my coffee slowly while getting dressed, and on my way to work, and now that I've arrived, the nausea is finally starting to subside.  I'll eat my breakfast in about a half hour from now, and I'm hoping that it will boost me the rest of the way.

I can't help but keep thinking that somehow....even though it was four days ago...it's the fault of the pizza I ate on Sunday.  I just haven't felt right, since.  I know there's a lot to be said for shocking your body when you're on a long-term diet to keep from plateauing, but I think there's such a thing as shocking it too much....and I think maybe that's what I did this week.  If that's the case, boy...lesson learned.  I want the days of feeling like this behind me.

If I still feel like this next week, I'm going to schedule a Dr.'s visit.  But I really think it's just bad decision-making that is the culprit here.  And I'm really, really looking forward to feeling like I did last week again....soon.

In the meantime....I've made a list of significant goals that I'm looking forward to hitting on this journey to 170 (my goal), and I've found that I've already hit about a third of them, which cheered me up quite a bit!  I love visuals, anyway... they always seem to help me, no matter what my project is.

Goal	Significance	Date	Actual Weight
	Starting Weight, BMI 41	10/14/2014	281.0
278	BMI 40	1/5/2015	277.6
271	BMI 39	1/12/2015	270.2
270	New Decade	1/16/2015	268.8
264	BMI 38	1/27/2015	263.6
260	New Decade	2/13/2015	257.8
257	BMI 37	2/20/2015	254.6
256	25 POUNDS LOST!!	2/20/2015	254.6
250	New Decade, BMI 36	3/13/2015	246.6
243	BMI 35
240	New Decade
236	BMI 34
231	50 POUNDS LOST!!
230	New Decade
229	BMI 33
222	BMI 32
220	New Decade
216	BMI 31
210	New Decade
209	BMI 30
206	75 POUNDS LOST!!
202	BMI 29 (no longer obese, now just overweight)
200	New Decade
199	Onederland!
195	BMI 28
190	New Decade
188	BMI 27
181	BMI 26, 100 POUNDS LOST!!!
180	New Decade
174	BMI 25
170	GOAL!!!
167	BMI 24 (no longer overweight)

I've had several other weigh-ins that are not listed on this chart, only because I didn't hit any goals on them.  At some point I may add those in as well, but for the purposes of this list, I don't think it adds very much, so for now, I'm just going to change the chart when my weigh-in reaches a goal.

I'm very excited about checking my chart in the morning after my weigh-in to see if I've hit anything new!

Date Nights, and Assorted Stuff

I don't know why, but last week, when Keith said "I'm taking you out for dinner Friday night", I got inordinately excited.  As a general rule, we usually go out at least once, sometimes twice a week.  But there was something about the way he said it this time that made my heart skip a beat.  Then when I asked him if we could go to the little Japanese restaurant we found several weeks ago for sushi, and he said he was good with that....it skipped a few more times.  And then I found that I could not wait for Friday night.

Turned out that I had to work late on Friday, but Keith had driven me to work that morning so he could use my car to run errands in town, so he actually picked me up, and we had the best night.  Just dinner....no drinks or dancing....but it was so nice! We lingered after, sipping hot tea and talking, and it was just the perfect way to start our weekend. And the food was a-mazing (again).  This little restaurant (Miso) has turned into one of my faves....I could eat their sushi every day.  And the best part is that it is so good for me! I really loved the time we spent, just sharing our thoughts, too.  Not like eating so we don't have to cook, but like spending time together.  Dates are important, and as much as we eat out, we don't date nearly enough. I'm hoping we can work on changing that.

We were supposed to go down to the camper and work on stuff Saturday, but it was such a nasty day, we postponed the heavy stuff until Sunday and just worked around the house all day mostly paying bills and stuff.  We got a lot done, though, and it made me very happy to not have to overexert too much.  After working so much overtime last week, I really needed a day to rest and recoup.  But Sunday morning dawned bright and clear, and we could tell it was going to be a lovely warm day, so we got up, packed some food for the day, and went down to the work site.

The 'work site' is actually next door to us, at the foot of our long, obscenely steep quarter mile driveway.  It's located on the original property we bought, and we lived there in a FEMA camper for the first two years, until the lady that sold us the property (who lived next door) decided to sell out and move to Boone, where she worked.  We jumped at the chance to buy the adjoining property, and moved on up.  But we still have that little camper and made the mistake of renting it out to one of our offspring for a year.

O.M.G.  The mess she left behind when she moved. We should have jacked it up and laid dynamite under it.

Neither of us had the heart to go into it for a long time, but we finally cowboyed up, and armed with heavy work gloves and a huge roll of industrial-strength construction-grade lawn and leaf bags, cleaned out the mess.  That just left the heavy cleaning, which I put off for months.  And since we are now using that site to build a house for our good friend, Tracy, which means we have to move the trailer, AND since we now have a buyer for said trailer, it meant that it was time to get busy.

That was my job Sunday. When I say that I worked hard on that trailer for four and a half hours, I mean I worked HARD.  Scrubbing, bending, stretching, sweeping, mopping.....and burning mega calories.  So much so, that I actually got sick a few times and had to take breaks.  I ate at regular intervals, of course...and drank plenty of water, but I could tell that my body was having to tap into its reserves, big time. 

By the time I finished (or at least got to a stopping point), I was so sore and exhausted I could hardly move, much less fix dinner.  Keith had been working on his own stuff down there, and he was just as tired as I was, so we decided to order a thin crust pizza from the only place that's close to our house. His half had ground beef, mushrooms and black olives, and my side was veggie.  I ate mine without any guilt, and enjoyed every bite of it, knowing that I had earned the calories, and STILL was below my calorie limit for the day.  Then I took a hot shower and drugs and went to bed in an overheated bed, where the warmth relaxed me enough to finally go to sleep.

This morning, I feel fine. Still a bit sore, but nothing like last night.  And I'm ready and prepared to jump right back on plan.  In fact, I'm looking forward to another long (lots of overtime), but successful week.  What about you?

I Knew It!

Yep....I could feel it! I said so, and it was true.  I could actually feel myself losing weight this past week, and when I jumped on the scale this morning, I had a 4 1/2 pound loss!  That's more than my usual three, and I think that it more than made up for my crappy week last week.  I'm so stinking happy right now!!!  And very excited.  This brings my total loss to 34.5, and means that I am only 13.5 pounds away from my next goal....the 50 pound mark!

One of the concerns I've had on this journey is my BMI, which I haven't measured.  So I found a chart on the internet that tells me what it is based on my weight, which is good since I don't have a set of calipers to measure it on my own.  According to the chart, I've been in the 'obese' category for God knows how long.  Currently, I'm at 35%, down from 42%.

Forty-two per cent.  Oh. My. God.  That's almost half my weight!!!

(breathe....breathe....)

Ok, so my ultimate goal for the moment is 170, subject to revisions as I approach it.  I am, after all, tall, over 50, with kids, so I'm trying to err on the upper end of the spectrum, which I think is a much more realistic goal than say, 150.  If I get to 170 and see that I could stand to lose a little more, I can naturally adjust another five pounds, say, until I feel comfortable.  But I'm a long way from that decision just yet.  My concern with that is that at 174 pounds, my BMI will be 25%, which is still considered 'overweight'.  It doesn't drop down to 24% (the top of the 'normal' range) until I hit 167 pounds.  A difference of 3 pounds may not be huge now, but it could be astronomical in terms of hitting my goal once I get there.

At any rate, I'm not ready to change my ultimate goal just yet.  Still, it's good information to have in order to keep my perspective as I plan and strive toward the end of my active weight loss phase and the beginning of my active maintenance phase, which must continue for the rest of my life, if I am to stay healthy and like Spock, live long and prosper.

It's amazing to feel that old groove again.  I'm not sure how it happened, not sure how I got here, but I'm back in the sweet spot, and I'm gonna ride it for all it's worth, right up to the end.  This time, I feel more prepared to get to my ultimate goal, more braced for all the little changes that I know will happen this time that I didn't even know to be prepared for before.  Those little changes blindsided me.  If I'm honest, they really freaked me out, and all of a sudden, I turned a corner one day and didn't know who I was any more.  That may have been the scariest thing that I ever had to face, and considering my life, that's saying a lot.  I totally had a meltdown.  But of all the things I've ever read about weight loss, especially from people who have lost a substantial amount, I've never read anything that would have prepared me for the day that I'd look in the mirror and see a stranger.

This time, I know it's going to happen.  This time, at least for the moment....I'm ready.

Giddiness

This week has been very busy, but all in a good way.  Interestingly enough, although I have put in 3 hours of overtime every night, I've felt better and had more energy when I got home than I did after a regular day even a month ago.  Before, I would be so exhausted by the time I got home, I just wanted to cry, eat, and go to bed, in that order.

I have felt so good this week! I have a new bounce in my step, I can feel my body shrinking, and unlike last week, am totally stoked about getting on the scale tomorrow morning.  A lot of this has to do with knowing my food has been strictly on point this week, but I think it also has to do with my water intake.  It's amazing to me how quickly my body responds when I give it what it needs, instead of shoving it full of what's convenient (or what I'm craving at the moment).

Maybe my slow-down last week was due to my getting slack with the program, maybe it was my body just needing a minute to catch it's breath before continuing on....I don't know.  I only know that I can feel the difference this week...my body, revving itself up. The energy being released, and also being stored up to do extraordinary things when I finally hit the track in April.

When I began this journey, I told myself that I would start running again in March, as I had so long ago.  Of course, I had no idea that we would be slammed so hard with icy, snowy winter weather this year, which would have made it most likely self-defeating, had I stuck to that plan. But the week before, Keith asked me to hold off for a while, to give my body more of a chance to adjust.  He thought I should wait until the summer, but he is not, nor has he ever been a runner.  Not that he can't run...he was in the Army, so of course he can run.  Not only that, but he can step on the track today and run 3 or 4 miles at a decent pace, and that with no training whatsoever.  He just hates running. He has never had any desire to run, or participate in any races, so with the exception of boot camp, he has never gone through the training process.  And he doesn't realize that you can't start training at the height of the summer heat.

The whole reason behind me starting back with my running in March was to be able to build up my stamina and heat tolerance so that I would be prepared by the time that heat hit me in summer.  I want to be able to run through the hottest season, into the fall, and beyond.  I want to be an all-seasons runner, even through the winter.  And that means that I have to condition myself to it.

So....I agreed to a delay, which I felt was probably wise at the time.  But I compromised by only delaying for a month.  That way, the winter weather is behind me, and I can go full steam ahead.  Waiting that month means that I will start running at least 10 pounds lighter than I would have in March, with much more energy, and riding a high of accomplishment at having lost 40 pounds, already.  I think I can live with that.

I feel so much more prepared this time.  And I feel like I am bursting at the seams to get out there.  This extra energy is surging out of me all the time, it seems like. I'm giddy...almost drunk with it, and it feels incredible, making me realize how long I've actually felt like crap. I don't ever, ever want to forget what being over 100 pounds overweight did to me, not just physically, but emotionally, too.  And most of all, I don't ever, ever want to feel like that again.

Another decade...sort of.

What a gorgeous weekend!  I got so much done, both inside and outside, and enjoyed the HECK out of some Spring-like weather, which both body and soul sorely needed after the pounding we've taken this Winter.  My eating was off...not that I ate too much, but that I didn't eat nearly enough.  Being super busy tends to make me do that. I don't like taking time out to stop and eat.

Still...I jumped on the scale Saturday morning, and realized that all the little things I have been doing off-plan have caused my metabolism to pretty much grind to a halt.  I only registered a half pound loss. Enough to be able to say I've lost 30 lbs, but not enough to say that I've hit a new decade on the scale. Still...all forward motion counts, right?

Right.  But that doesn't mean that we have to be satisfied with less than what we want.

Which means that I will be doubling my efforts to stay strictly on plan this week, make sure I drink all my water every day, and get in whatever exercise I can manage.  The last will be the hardest, since I'm scheduled to work crazy overtime this week, but if I can just get my eating back on track, it will help tremendously!  Well...that, and nicer weather...

Antsy-ness

After some really stellar back-and-forth Winter to Spring weather this week, we have now swung back to Winter with a vengeance.  Yesterday, when I left the office, it was an almost warm 70+ degrees outside, with blue skies and fluffy clouds.  Today, we're expecting a wintery mix, culminating in ice.  It's enough to drive you mad.  And it's a wonder everybody's not dead from pneumonia with the fluctuations.

I've been staying pretty much on point with my eating, but snacking too much on peanuts and cashews this week.  Even though my calories are still under my limit, it's not good for me, and I know it.  On top of that, no matter how I try to 'wipe off the salt' as I eat, I know I'm getting MUCH more than I should have, and that's making me retain water and giving me tummy issues.

Oh...and did I mention I went two days without drinking any water?  TWO DAYS.

This is not good.  And it's why...in lieu of the fact that I've made plans to spend tonight at Tracy's so I can get into work tomorrow, so won't be home for my Friday weigh-in....when I stepped on the scale a day early this morning, I registered, for the FIRST time....no change.

I shouldn't be surprised that this has happened....my body is probably needing a breather to adjust to the almost 30 lb. loss.  But I'd be lying if I didn't say it wasn't highly unnerving.

SOOO....today, I'm staying on point, going light on my dinner, and FLUSHING my body like crazy with as much water as I can stand.  I won't be able to weigh until Saturday morning...and only then if I'm lucky enough to be able to get home tomorrow night, but I'm hoping that my efforts now will pay off with at least a 1 lb loss.  I really need to see that to keep my morale boosted.  I know I shouldn't, because I know that I'm doing what's best for my body, regardless of what the scale shows, but right now, it's important to me to get some payback for all my hard work so I can keep this going.  I'm very proud that I've managed 60 days so far, and I don't want to stall now.  So yes, I'm a bit antsy.  And I am so ready for this bad weather to be GONE!!! It's really driving me crazy right now!

Happy Monday!

I'm not being facetious...I really mean it!  I feel so good today, being back in my normal routine!  The snow is practically gone from the rain and milder temps, and even though it's supposed to rain most of the week...I am HOME again!  With my hubby, and my boys, and my STUFF...my comfort zone is complete! 

It's really amazing how much you change as you age, when it comes to stuff like that.  I remember a time not so long ago when I could have slept standing up in a corner, and made do with whatever I had to hand.  Anymore, not so much.  I crave my routine, and when I don't have it/can't do it, it leaves me frustrated and feeling incompetent in everything I do that day.  I think part of it is because for the first time in my life, I feel like I have a real 'home', a place to truly call my own, not just a house to store my stuff temporarily, until my 'real' life kicks in.

Keith and I made some important decisions this weekend regarding our house renovations, that we are both just ecstatic about, and I think I may still be riding that high, too, lol.  Whatever the reason, I feel solid this morning, like this week, I'm gonna rock it out of the park....and that makes me happy.

I finally got to weigh yesterday morning, and got my expected 3 pounds, which is pretty amazing, considering all the makeshift changes I went through the past two weeks.  That puts me just shy of the 30 pound mark, so next week, I should be in a new decade.  Pretty exciting stuff, all around, I'd say.

A Pox on This Snow!!

Today should be my weekly weigh-in day, but because I'm not home, it's not.  I made a mistake by trying to get on Tracy's scale this morning, but no matter what it read, I wasn't going to be happy with it, so I'm not sure why I even tried. If it had registered a loss, I wouldn't have trusted it, and the gain I saw I'm not sure WAS an actual gain.

That said, I have been very slack on my water for the past three days, and I've indulged in some peanuts that were salted, although I tried to get as much salt off as possible as I ate them.  Still...it all adds up.  So my plan for the next couple of days is to flush my body with as much water as I can stand, and do my best to stay STRICTLY on point until I can get back to my OWN scale, which will measure the gain/loss accurately, even if the weight itself is not specifically accurate.

I can feel myself getting really antsy.  Today makes a week since I've been home, and I am really, really ready to be back there. I miss my hubby....terribly.  I miss my boys.  I miss my comfort zone.  I really appreciate Tracy's hospitality this week, but sleeping on her couch is taking its toll on my body, as well, and I am longing for my own bed.  I know all this stress has been contributing to my not-so-strict adherence to my protocol, but at this point in the program, I absolutely can NOT afford to fall off the wagon, as I have so many times in the past.  I MUST stay the course!!

So...back to being a good girl....the best girl I know how to be.  And the rest will just have to sort itself out over the weekend. I'm not a child that can't handle a little adversity.  I'm not a whiner....at least, I don't want to be.  And if I can't suck up a few days away from home, then I'm not as tough as I've always let on to the world that I was.  And that, to me, is unacceptable.  I can tough out a couple more days, and then I'll be home, and the worst of this winter, God willing, will be OVER.

Progress Report...

Well...I took a truly awesome pic this morning to add to my before pic that sort of catalogs the progress I've made so far.  The problem is that I can't seem to upload any pics lately! This is becoming very frustrating. I'm pretty sure that the server at work is blocking my uploads, and that's the computer that I've been using to post my blogs.  But the app on my phone won't let me upload anything, either!  I'm beginning to think the Cosmos is trying to tell me something. :(

Oh, well...onward and upward, I guess.  Maybe I can come back and add pics later, from my home laptop.

The weather is still sucky, although the roads are clear for the moment.  Snow is due to pound us again tonight, though.  My food is still on point, for the most part.  Tracy and I stopped and got some Chinese food last night for dinner, and it was sooo good!  Hot and spicy, just right to warm up my freezing insides.  Although it's not strictly on my plan, it fell close enough to range, and well within my allotted calories for the day.  I only ate half the portion, and saved the other half to enjoy for dinner tonight!

Still no exercise.  I have cabin fever like crazy, but there is currently nothing to be done about it except wait.  So....I wait.  And hope for Spring to make a very quick entry.

DIE, Winter, DIE!!

The older I get, the more I hate Winter.  Absolutely detest it.  Yes, snow is pretty on postcards, but it throws such a wrench in my plans every day!

*sigh*

I had planned, hoped for....even LONGED for...the first of March.  It was my goal to be back on the track next week.  I'm not going to say it won't happen....anything's possible, I suppose.  But it's not looking likely right now.  Winter just will not go away this year.  Last week, we had two major snow storms that kept me home all week long.  Last night, we had another, and are expecting a fourth to move through tomorrow night.  I so can't WAIT for Spring, and warmer weather!!!

I'm ready to start walking again, on a regular basis.  I'm ready to start RUNNING again, even though I know I will have to work my way up.  I'm ready to start hiking, and biking, and being active in the sunny great outdoors!!  I'm ready for SPRING!!!

Back on Track

Oh, boy.  I never thought I'd say this, but does it EVER feel good to be back on schedule!!!  I didn't realize how terrible I felt having to fudge on my food last week.  And I'm not just talking about physically or emotionally....I'm talking about ALL of it! 

I went by the store Saturday night on my way home from work and picked up just the essentials I would need to get through the next few days, thinking it would be hard to get back in the swing of things after eating 'real' food so much last week.  But I found I was actually looking forward to getting back on track, and my body breathed a big sigh of relief all day yesterday, knowing that I was not going to have to angst about sliding back on my hard-earned weight loss.  I've got the momentum going right now, and I sure don't want to lose it!  Even though I haven't been able to exercise at all, that hasn't bothered me nearly as much as not being on point with my food.  I feel that as long as I have that under control, the exercise (at this point, at least) is kind of incidental.

I know there will come a time (and very, very soon!) that this will not be the case.  But as long as I can at least get through the worst of the Winter weather, I'll be ok.  After all...this is a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix.  And that means that I will be exercising for the long haul, long after my food goes to maintenance levels.

Still....I just can't wait for Spring to get here!!!

Snowed In

I don't know how northerners do it. It's quite obvious that I am a dyed-in-the-wool southerner, because I just can't handle the snow.  I just can't.  I've tried...believe me.  But I wimp out every time.

Last Saturday, the weather turned really super-cold, and (due to our own stupidity) our pipes froze.  We tried to thaw them out, but gave it up on Sunday as a bad job, and realized we'd just have to tough it out for a week with bottled/jugged water, as the temps weren't supposed to go above freezing for days.  Monday was a holiday, and we made a run into town for a few supplies and to fill up the propane tanks.  Thank God we did, because it started snowing Monday afternoon, and hasn't really stopped since.

Needless to say, we got snowed in, and the house is currently surrounded by more than a foot of snow.  And by house, I mean driveway.

For most folks, getting down their driveway is no big deal.  But when you live on a mountain, and your driveway is a quarter mile long with a super-steep drop, it becomes a very different story.  Unless you want to go skiing the hard way...with no skis...in your car...you don't move when it snows. Tuesday, we only had about six inches, so Keith fired up the bobcat and tried to clear what he could off the driveway so he could bring his truck up after running into town.  Since it has tracks, the bobcat is really our best shot at navigating the steep slope.  Keith made it down, but couldn't get back up in his truck (which was the object), and actually got stuck, so he told me I had to come get him.

Terrified is not the word.  But I made it.  Trouble is, I couldn't get my car back up, either...even in 4wd.  So the only options we had were to hoof it (as it was getting dark) in the by-now super slick ice/snow, or to bring the bobcat back up.  Even though it meant me having to ride in the bucket, I voted for option #2.  And thankfully, we made it back up in one piece.

Wednesday, it snowed again...another six inches.  And not only were we stuck with no water in below zero temps, but the bobcat wouldn't even crank, because it was so cold. So we huddled in until Friday morning, when we ran out of water. The weather broke enough to get the car cranked (the bobcat is still frozen up, as we speak), and we headed down to where my car was parked.  I was even MORE terrified on the way down the driveway, but we made it in one piece with all our empty water jugs and dirty clothes, and were able to get back into town. 

The weather is still horrible, but at least I'm in town now, staying with a friend, so I can get into work next week, with any luck.  I sure can't afford to take any more time off!  Right now, I'm putting in a few hours of overtime to get caught back up before Monday.  This week, looks like a lot more bad weather headed our way, but maybe it won't be AS bad.  All I know is that Spring can't get here soon enough!!

Through it all, though, even though I haven't been able to really exercise at all, and have had to fudge a LOT on my eating plan (due to lack of supplies and an abundance of drinking water), I still managed to drop another 3 lbs, AND hit my first 25 lb. goal.  I'm very encouraged by that, but am also very concerned that my metabolism will either slow or stop again if this keeps up for too much longer.  I can go maybe another week like this, but after that, I just don't know.  So it's really important for me to get back on track as soon as humanly possible.  I'm really praying for this horrible weather to break for more reasons than one!

I Heart Fridays

Fridays have always been my favorite day of the week.  The weekend hasn't started yet, and it's just stretching out before you, full of possibility.  And laziness....don't forget laziness.  That's the best part! :)

All kidding aside, I do love Fridays, so it's kind of amazing that it took so long to make it my weigh-in day.    This morning, I jumped on the scale, and as predicted, saw the 257 I was looking for...followed by a .8.  So I just did make it.  In total, I had a 2.5 lb. loss, which is a great accomplishment by any standards.  The problem was, I knew I could have...and should have...made 3, if I'd exercised too.  But I didn't.  That was my choice, and I have to live with that decision. Circumstances are all fine and good, but at the end of the day, they are just excuses.  No matter how busy we are, we make time for the things that are most important to us, and it's pretty obvious that exercise is not high priority to me right now.

That has got to change.  That mentality will not have me on the track in two weeks, and it will not satisfy my craving to be 'out there' as the weather warms up and spring calls my name.  Yes, I can lose this weight without having to exercise....but will I like the result?  Will I be able to live with the resulting flabby muscles along with the flabby skin I already know I'm going to have to deal with?  I can have surgery to remove excess skin.  But that muscle is permanent, and the lack of strength/resistance training is not helping my aging bones, either.

So...much more to consider here than whether my teeth have to chatter or not.  The temp is not predicted to rise above freezing today, but I've worn my long johns.  Let's see if I know how to put my money where my mouth (and mind) are.  After all...today is the start of a brand new week.  A week that will hopefully see me hit my first 25 lb. goal.

It's the Little Things

Yesterday went pretty well.  I only deviated once from my eating (not cashews, thank God!), and that was on the way home from work.  I worked over really late last night, and wanted to pick something up on the way home so I could eat on the road, and save time when I got home.  I was so tired, I just wanted to go to bed.

So, I thought hard and then stopped by Chick-Fil-A and got a grilled chicken sandwich on whole wheat with just lettuce and tomato....no mayo.  It was the healthiest option, and the lowest in calories that I could actually eat while driving, and I may just do it again tonight....although I do have to weigh in the morning.  Hmm...

Anyway, no walking yesterday...again.  Hoping to change that SOON, because it's really starting to bug me.  But BY FAR, the COOLEST part of the day was the NSV I scored!

My mother in law has been really worried for months (maybe even years, who knows?) about my rings.  Even though they are not tight IN THE LEAST, they LOOK terrible, because my hands are so puffy and bloated (and FAT).  I've been wearing wide rings for so many years on my ring fingers, though, that there is a permanent groove on both of them.  The result is that even though they look like they're tight enough to cut circulation, they really turn very freely within the grooves.  Getting them off, though...holy cow, get the bone saw.  I literally haven't had my rings off in YEARS.

Yesterday, I was putting lotion on my hands and realized one of my rings was looser than normal. "Hmm", I sez to myself, and pulled.

The ring came right off!

I have a pic, but I'll have to add it later.

Anyway....that was the loosest of the two....my wedding band is a wee bit tighter, so it may take a bit more time to get it off. But I just kept thinking how proud my MIL will be when she sees!

Time to Move

Yesterday was a long day.  After being on the road all day Monday, it was back to the ole' grind with a vengeance.  I love being able to work so much overtime, I really do...I'm very thankful for the opportunity, because it allows Keith to stay home.  But I'd be lying if I said it didn't wear on me some days, especially as I get older.  I want to feel like getting back on the track in two weeks. Hell, I want to feel like getting out and walking TODAY.  But each day, it's a battle.  Too tired, too busy, too effing cold.  Yes, it all applies.  And yes, they're all excuses.

My eating was pretty much on point yesterday, with one exception; the cashews seduced me again.  I counted them, of course, and still stayed under my calorie count for the day;  all the same, I sure am glad the jar is almost empty.

My goal today is pretty simple. I want to move. I've been stagnant on my exercise for about two weeks, now, and that's no bueno.  Gotta do much better if I'm gonna meet my short and long-range fitness goals.  By summer, I want to be flying around the track again, even if that's figuratively speaking.  Besides, the extra push to my metabolism right before my Friday weigh-in sure couldn't hurt!

On the Road Again...

Sunday was a recoup day for me, since it was really my only day off this weekend. We stayed busy fixing the wiring on my car so that the trailer light would work.  This caused me countless trips up to the house and back down to the car fetching/looking for stuff that my husband needed to complete this.  That was good for exercise...but my legs felt like noodles after we were done.  My food was good all day, though, except that I did have a couple of handfuls of whole cashews (sans salt) after dinner.  Even logging them in, and still falling under my calories for the day, I didn't feel really good about my decision....because they're not strictly on my plan, it kinda felt like cheating.

Didn't stop me from doing it again last night, though.  I still don't feel like it was a bad decision, as snacks go...but it does set a dangerous precedent, I'm thinking.  And definitely sets me on a path I do not want to go down at this stage.  So...no to more cashews in my immediate future.

Yesterday was more difficult for me.  I took a sick day and called in to work with a migraine, so that Keith and I could run up to KY to pick up a truck he bought on eBay.  Nice truck, and he's thrilled with it.  Problem is that it is very hard to travel (even for the day) on this program without packing a cooler, and almost impossible to eat on the road if I do pack it.  So yesterday, I ate my breakfast before leaving the house, and then stopped for my mid-morning snack (which consisted of a 6" breakfast sub from Subway...contents: grilled chicken and egg whites), and my lunch, which we stopped at Cracker Barrel for on the way home.  I had a grilled chicken salad, sans dressing, and no carbs at this meal, since I had eaten the bun from my sandwich earlier.  I had no mid-afternoon snack, and a light dinner, again with no carbs, then just the handful of cashews after. And only about three glasses of water, instead of my usual eight.

So....no total meltdowns, and fairly decent choices, I guess.  But I went a bit over my calorie allotment for the day on MFP, and I felt distinctly uncomfortable, knowing my food wasn't strictly on point.  I don't like that feeling, so it's back to regular programming with a vengeance today.  And I'm already feeling better!

My First Milestone

I was so excited when I jumped on the scale yesterday, I just KNEW I was gonna see a loss!  And I really felt that I was going to find myself back in that 3lb-a-week thing that I'd seen the first time I was on this plan 8 (holy cow, has it REALLY been that long??) years ago.  But with the lack of exercise this week, I just wasn't sure if I would see it register on the scale.  I was hoping for two pounds...just enough to hit my first 20 lb. milestone....but I was secretly hoping for three. 

I was not disappointed!! All my hard work is paying off.  I hit my milestone, stayed on course, even with a bum ankle, and I got my 3 lbs!  Not only that, but I was also .2 (please note the point...that's important) lbs away from being in my next decade.  I am so stoked right now!!

Hopefully, I can get my workouts back on track this week.  We're having a momentary break in the nasty weather right now, and although it's still very cold, at least it's not raining or snowing.  I'm working overtime today, which means I'm in town.  So I'm going to try to sneak in a bit of a walk sometime today.  I have errands to run this afternoon, so I want to do it before it gets dark, and right now, it gets dark pretty darned early.

I sure will be glad when spring gets here.  Not only will the weather be warmer, but the days will be longer, too...which will make it much easier to get my walks/runs in after work!

A Little Progress

After walking the last couple of days with pain in my ankle, it felt so good yesterday that I decided to walk anyway.  I didn't do my normal 3+ miles (1 hour), but I did get in two and felt pretty darned good about that.  I'm going to rest it today....don't want to take the chance of injuring it further and creating a major setback instead of a minor one.  So tonight, I'll do my day one workout, and then I'll walk again tomorrow and Saturday(working over on Sat).  Sunday, when I'm home, I'll do my day two workout.  It's scheduled to snow today anyway, so I think that's probably good timing. :)

My food has been good and solid, but I'm not going to lie and say I haven't been extremely tempted to cheat.  There's a huge tin of popcorn in the breakroom that someone brought in after Christmas that is calling my name really bad.  But I just keep thinking that this is the time in my program that I generally start falling apart, and if I really want to be successful this time, I've got to push through.  So far, I've been successful in abstaining.  Hopefully, I can stay strong, but it's really taking a lot of work.

I can't help but think that part of this is stress-driven.  After my blow-up on Tuesday, though, the stress level dropped tremendously yesterday.  I think my message was received, lol, and the individual in question pretty much let me do my job.  That makes a MAJOR difference, and I really hope it continues...at least for a while.

Tomorrow is my weigh-in.  I'm excited!! I really believe I've hit the 20lb. mark, which means I'm almost a quarter of the way to my goal!  A great start, but still a long way to go.

Hump Day....in More Ways Than One.

Well, all my plans to walk/workout yesterday went south.  My ankle just never really felt solid, and I didn't want to risk it and make it worse, so I've decided to take the rest of the week off and just rest it.  On top of that, yesterday was a very rough day for me emotionally. I seemed to be very irritable and agitated all day, and even snapped (very loudly) at my co-worker.  In all fairness, she had it coming, but rarely am I not able to contain an outburst, even as outspoken as I am.  I'm usually fairly even-keeled, but yesterday, I just stayed on edge all day.  It didn't help that I couldn't go walk it off, but it's been seriously cold and icy/windy out this week, even snowy at times, and I just didn't want to risk it.  On top of that, I got home very late from working over, and barely had enough time to make dinner before bedtime.  Keith was sick last night, and couldn't eat the dinner I'd made him.  Being injured, I'm having to do a lot of extra stuff to care for him right now, and maybe that stress, combined with all my work stress is just taking its toll on me.  But I felt the INTENSE urge to cheat and snack last night after dinner.  I was still starving, and had a bag of multigrain chips in my hand before I even realized it.  I did take three.....and I did eat them.  But thankfully, I had the presence of mind to stop before I regretted it, and I went to freaking bed.

So....no lasting harm done. Other than my frayed nerves, I mean.  I still feel a bit....stressed....today, but better.  Overall, I'm really just hoping for a low-key day to help me unwind and get back to my normal, even-keeled self.  Keith has another Dr. appointment today, so I'm hoping for good news on that front, too.  He seems to be doing better, so fingers crossed for a good report.

Injuries are Contageous...

...or are they?  Seems that way, anyway.  Keith injured the ligaments in his knee last week, and I'm not sure what I did yesterday, but when I put my shoe on yesterday morning, I pulled something in my ankle.  Consequently, I hobbled around all day yesterday with my shoe off, and went home on time.  When I got home, I rubbed lavender oil all over it, and wrapped it in an ace bandage overnight.  This morning, it felt much better, although it's still twinging a bit. So I wrapped it again for the day, just to be on the safe side.  I'm not sure what or how I pulled it, but it's supposed to warm up today, so I'm going to try to walk at lunch.  Maybe it will work out what ever is going on.  But if it starts to hurt worse, I'll stop.  Hopefully, I'll be able to finish my walk with no problems.

I'm still wanting to jump on the scale, fighting the urge to cheat and see if/how much more I've lost.  But I'm bound and determined to wait until Friday like a good girl!  Really hoping to hit that 20 lb. mark this week, but if I don't manage to get at least some exercise in, that may be in jeopardy.  If I can't walk today, I know I'll still be able to get my workout in, so that will be my backup plan.

A Friendly Weekend

This was a great weekend, filled with a long-overdue visit from a good friend, and since we have another friend who lives close, it was a wonderful time of fellowship, Keith's injury notwithstanding.  Even with going out on Friday night, I feel like I did well with my food, although I did miss a couple of meals which I know is not good.  I also didn't get enough exercise in, but did manage to sneak in a small hike on Saturday.  Yesterday, I had to make a run into town after my friend left to go home, so I picked up some dinner for us at a mexican drive through.  My choice was a chicken taco salad, sans cheese, beans and sour cream.  It was good....but I ate the bowl. Not terrible in the grand scheme of things, I guess.  Since I didn't have my normal lunch (including baked potato), it was the only carb I had all day. 

I certainly don't feel like I gained or retained anything.  If anything, I actually think I lost a bit, and Keith is certainly noticing a difference...although to look at, I still can't.  It was really hard not to get on the scale this morning, but I am determined to wait until Friday.  In the meantime, I am back to my regularly scheduled program, and am prepared for another successful day (and week).

Small Changes

I did decide to change my weigh-in day to Friday, mostly based on the fact that everyone else has decided to use that day, and I want to be on the same page.  After stepping on the scale on Monday, as usual, and then Tuesday for correction, I didn't really expect to see much today and was pleasantly surprised to note a .6 loss, which puts my overall loss at 18 lbs exactly.  That's nice.

I've always said that when you're my size, it takes about 30 to 35 lbs to start really noticing a difference.  I meant for ME to start noticing, but apparently, it's already starting to show to those around me.  Someone mentioned it this morning.  That's kinda nice, but I really wasn't expecting it, and I'm not sure I believe it....yet.  When I start noticing myself, I think I'll be more apt to believe it.

Keith hurt his knee this week, so for the time being I'm back to prepping my own food.  It really makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have someone to do that for me every day.  Tonight, we have a good friend coming into town for the weekend, and it's going to throw me a curve ball.  Probably not so much in the food department, but I've already suffered in the workout department this week, and with the bad weather continuing, I doubt that's going to improve much.  If she wasn't going to be here, I could at least get my day one and two workouts in this weekend, but I'm way too self-conscious to do them in her presence, no matter how good a friend she is. I'm hoping that mentality will change eventually, but it will be a ways down the road, I'm sure.  Baby steps.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...I doubt I'll be able to blog again before Monday, but I expect there will be lots to tell by then.

Patience is Even More Important.

It occurred to me sometime Monday evening that I had partaken of a healthy dose of pickled asparagus for dinner Sunday night, and had munched on banana pepper rings on and off throughout the day....both loaded with sodium.  And it made me wonder if perhaps that was why the scale had registered such a low loss that morning.  Since I had made sure to stay on point all day on Monday and also drink all my water, I decided to go against my own rule and weigh again on Tuesday morning.

Voila!  A 3 lb loss.

In the words of Elvis, "Thaink yah vurra much."

I stayed home both Tuesday and Wednesday, partly due to crappy weather, and partly due to illness (both Keith's and my own).  Consequently, I did not walk either day, but I worked hard cleaning the house both days, and even climbed the stairs 20 times on Monday night when I got home...a marked improvement from the last time I did it.  Yesterday, I counted how many times I climbed them, just in the course of the day, and it was just short of that much....I felt pretty good about my activity levels after that. :)

Although I did skimp just a bit on my food both days, it was pretty much on point.  Today I'm going to do my best to get my walk in, because we are having company come in town on Friday, and my options will be limited this weekend.  I'm going to try to bank up as much as I can now, while I have the chance.

Oh....and I may change my weigh-in day to Fridays.

Analysis is Important.

This was a quiet, snow-filled weekend after Friday's frenzied rush and late hours. I did manage to get my Day Two workout done on Friday night, but then nothing for the next two days, other than a bit of cleaning and boxing up, and some laundry.  But my eating was on point, and I got all my water in, so I was pretty happy with that. Historically, I tend to fudge with my food on the weekends, either making excuses to eat a bite of something I shouldn't, or more often, skipping meals I know my body needs.

So....I stepped on the scale this morning, and had only (only!) dropped .4 lbs.  My brain immediately went into overdrive:

OMG!!  How did this happen??!!!  WTF did I do wrong!!!???

Dear lord, deliver me from panic.

There was obviously NOTHING wrong with what I did....I scored a loss, for pete's sake.  But my brain is in 3lb. mode right now, so anything less feels like failure.  Realistically, I can contribute this to three things:

1. I ate too much salt this week, thanks to pickled asparagus and banana pepper rings.
2. My workouts have started the muscle-building process, which will equalize the scale reading until my body adjusts to the 'more muscle, less fat' thing.
3. I did not work out at all this weekend....the two days prior to my weigh-in.

So...how do I compensate for all this?  Well, obviously, I need to fix what needs to be fixed...what CAN be fixed, and live with what can not.  The good news is that there IS room for improvement, it's not like I was doing everything perfectly and there was just no progress. 

• Was eating banana peppers a crime?  Not in the great scheme of things (there is zero calorie content in them), but if I partake in the future, it needs to be with an understanding that the high sodium content is likely to cancel out any progress I make on the scale that week, and I need to choose which is more important to me.
• I can't change this one....it is what it is, and I just need to accept it and allow my body to adjust in peace.
• This one, I CAN change...in two different ways.  First, I need to move EVERY day, so not doing something on the weekend is totally unacceptable.  Given that most weekends, I don't go into town, that probably means that I need to shift my workout days to the weekends, at least until the weather gets nicer and I can start hiking the driveway again.  Second, I probably need to move my weigh-in days to Fridays, ahead of the workouts instead of behind them, which will also help the scale progress.

Negatives:  Too much panic, not enough action....literally.

Positives:  Getting a plan together to fix the problem immediately calmed the panic.  And I finally got the tree down! :)

The On-Target Rush

There is a huge rush to be had by knowing that you are on target.  I believe that (not unlike the flood of endorphins that you feel after a great run, a/k/a the 'runner's high') it may be one of the best feelings ever. Maybe it's just knowing that you have your shizz together that makes the difference. But there is something to be said for having every single thing you planned go off without a hitch.

I'm racing the clock right now, trying to beat some nasty weather headed this way this weekend, so yesterday, it was very important for me to get my workout in.  Since I knew that today was going to be crappy outside, I decided to put off my day two workout (which is done inside) until tonight (when I knew it would be raining/snowing), and instead get in one more day of walking.  This was important also because I actually missed half my workout the night before and only managed a half hour instead of my usual hour.

I was DETERMINED yesterday to take my lunch, and I did.  I got in a solid half hour of walking (a little over 1.5 miles), and then worked until 6:30 last night.  At that point, I was actually still debating on whether to try to walk or to stay on my schedule and go home to my workout, but I decided it would be better to hedge my bets against the weather, so I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and walked around its well-lit parking lot three and a half times....which gave me another half hour/1.5 miles.  Done for the day!  That felt really, really good.  Still had to run in the store and pick up a few things, and stop at the gas station, but I made it home by 8:15;  just in time to eat dinner, prep and hit the hay.  I got in bed before my bedtime, and lay there in the dark, high as a kite, thinking that I'd checked off everything on my list.

There was one other thing...a NSV...that really made my morning yesterday.

Our department at work has monthly staff meetings, which also include a pot-luck breakfast.  The department is split up into four teams, which means that every fourth month, you're on the docket to provide something for the breakfast spread.  And it's yummy.  I mean really, really yummy. These folks go all out.  They love to cook, they love to show off their skills, and they really love to eat! Fortunately, my team is not due to cook until March, but I was really dreading yesterday morning, knowing all that great food would be here and I'd probably get a lot of pressure/questions/nosiness from everyone when they saw I wasn't eating with everyone else.

But that's not how it happened, and I was incredibly, pleasantly surprised.  First, I was not tempted, even a little bit, by the smells coming from the kitchen...and they were awesome smells. After the meeting was over, I just sat there talking to a few of the stragglers while most everyone else lined up to dig in (the highlight of their day).  Once the line went down a little, I just slipped back into my office, and nobody even noticed I had not eaten.  My office mate did, but she knew what I was doing and why, so no pressure or awkwardness there.  And I was able to enjoy my breakfast, my NSV, and my morning in peace.

Negatives:  Only the impending weather, which is still looming over my head.

Positives:  So many! But in a nutshell, my feeling of empowerment over a well-planned and well-executed day.

Late Nights...

Working as much overtime as I do, I knew that I would eventually run into the challenge of time. It is not an issue much of the year, but in the winter when it gets so dark so early, it's really hard to make time to get my walk in before it gets too dark.

Lately, I've been working late a lot, and it's generally dark when I leave.  Working anywhere from two to three hours over, I'm already stretched to get home in enough time to eat dinner and prep for the next day before it's bedtime. Since I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning, my 9:00 bedtime is a necessity, but it sure cramps my style in the evenings.

Yesterday, I knew I was behind the 8 ball all day long, and my goal was to try to get in as much of my walk as possible during the day.  My lunch 45 minutes long, so I can get a good chunk of it in then....IF I take it, which is rare.  Normally, I eat all my meals sitting at my desk so I can keep working.  This is bad, since it means that I don't take the time allotted for myself....and that means that I'm once again putting my needs on the back burner.  I know how important it is to take breaks and just step away, but it's so hard to do that when you are constantly putting out fires and running under deadlines.

Unfortunately, my original plan never gelled, and once again I ate lunch at my desk while working furiously the whole time.  I kept justifying it, and changing my plans:

I will just walk a little later.
I will just walk after work before my overtime starts.
I will just walk after I leave work.

Yeah....none of that actually happened.  Consequently, by the time I left work at 6:30, it was pitch dark and cold as hell.  Not conducive to an hour's walk.

Then I started flirting with bad thoughts:

Do I really have to walk?  Maybe I can just workout tonight, instead.
 (Very bad....I knew it was too late to work out, it's against my plan, which has me working out tonight, and I'm fighting bad weather coming in this weekend, which is going to hamper all my efforts anyway. I know I need to get it in while I can.)

Maybe I'll just find a lighted spot on the way home.
(Dangerous. What if there are no lighted spots, or spots lighted enough? I know myself well enough to know that I'd just keep 'searching' until I got home, and wind up doing nothing.)

I actually started out with the latter, but thank God I realized half way home what I was doing, and made a U-turn back to Walmart, which has the largest, best lit parking lot in town. I parked at the far end and made three circles before throwing in the towel from the cold.  I did not complete my hour, but I did do half that, and got a mile and a half under my belt.  It wasn't what I'd hoped, but I'm glad I pushed myself to be like Nike, and just do it already.

Negatives:  Cold, dark, and time....all working against me.  And not taking time for myself.

Positives: Pushing through, despite it all.

Choking it Down

One of the hardest aspects...actually the hardest aspect....of this program is the lack of variety in the food.  Not to say it HAS to be that way, but my body seems to respond best to a very deep rut, so that's the way I choose to play it.  If it ain't broke...don't fix it.  Consequently, my day doesn't generally vary much, food-wise.  Keith has been very good at working some small bit of variety into my food this time, which keeps me interested to see what's next, and that's a good thing.  He branches out in ways I'd have probably never thought of (think pickled asparagus for dinner). 

Friday is usually his shopping day because it's pay day for us, and I can usually expect something really cool for dinner that night.  But the day before has a tendency to be a bit....shall we say....lean, as by that time we have pretty much run out of all our stores, at least in the fresh department.  This past Friday, of course, we were on the road, so that compounded the problem, since we pretty much took all the remnants with us.  Consequently, there was very little left to make my food up yesterday morning, and Keith...bless him....had to get creative.

My day consisted of two cans of tuna fish and a can of chopped spinach, divided into four meals.

Yes, you heard right.  I ate tuna fish and chopped spinach FOUR TIMES yesterday.  Needless to say, I was starting to think really dangerous thoughts by the time I headed home from work last night.  It took me off guard a bit, I have to admit, because I have really not had any cravings so far.  But it also made me think about the importance of variety in all aspects of our lives. Nobody likes to get in a rut; that's why they say that variety is the spice of life. In retrospect, I think it's probably a good thing that Keith is manning the helm this time around.  He seems to have the knack of keeping my interest, and between his amazing support, and the support of my OG girls who I'm on this journey with, this program is actually working again!  They say it takes a village to raise a child....I guess there's something to be said for it taking a village to help a childish old woman get healthy, too.

Negatives:  Having to gag my way through a thoroughly nauseating day yesterday.

Positives:It may have been nauseating, but it was still nourishing and healthy, and I ate it all.  Serious positive.....Keith went to the store, so we are now loaded for bear and I am fully stocked for another successful day today!  I also completed my workout Day 1 last night. :)

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig...

Back to work this Tuesday morning, and flying pretty high at the moment after a weekend way more successful than I'd even hoped for.

Saturday, I had a leisurely breakfast, followed by a 3 mile walk (more of a hike) with my daughter, Jessica and my dog, Luggie (who we took with us....he had to see his grandma).  My eating was on point all day, since we'd prepared well and taken with us what I needed.  Saturday night, we met Keith's cousin and his wife for dinner at Texas Roadhouse, where I 'splurged' with a dinner of grilled salmon (one of the two fish I'm supposed to stay away from because of their high fat content, the other being sea bass, which I never eat anyway), green beans, and a side salad with vinegar dressing, which I had to pick shredded cheese off of, because I'd forgotten that salads in restaurants come with cheese. Not too bad for an evening out....and I noticed that I didn't crave the delicious pre-dinner rolls or any of the appetizers...or even a bite of Keith's oh-so-juicy steak.

Sunday included another 3.25 mile hike with Jess and a fun evening at my mom's, playing cards.  While everyone else munched on the best looking pizza ever, I contented myself with a can of tuna and some steamed broccoli...probably my low point of the weekend, lol...but I got through it!

Yesterday was a day spent on the road, and I knew it would be the hardest one, since I'd have no opportunity to exercise, but I still did well with my eating.  Lunch was a business meeting for Keith at Ruby Tuesday, and I had a wonderfully tasty salad topped with salmon...no cheese, thank goodness, because I remembered this time.  Back on the road, where I ate the lunch I had packed after stopping at Wendy's for a baked potato, which I needed for my carb intake, since I'd had none all day.  And once we were back home, we stopped in town to have a bite at Beef O'Brady's before heading to the house.  While Keith downed chicken tacos, I munched on a fresh salad topped with a nice chicken filet, and arrived home feeling very smug.....but a bit concerned that due to my lack of exercise, the scale would not reflect any more of a loss this morning than it had last Friday morning when I weighed early before we left.

I was wrong!  As of this morning, I had dropped another 1.8 pounds, for a total of 3.2 pounds for the week!  Considering that it was week two, I'll take it All Day Long, and I will deem my first challenge a resounding success.

Negatives for the weekend:  I would have liked a bit more variety in the foods we did pack, but it would have been difficult, not to mention impractical to pack more than we did.  Also, my tree is still up. Just sayin'...

Positives:  I stayed the course, baby...and feel like a million bucks this morning, ready for week three!

Atlanta Bound....

Yes, even Phoenixes apparently fly south for the winter....sometimes. Yesterday's walk was cold, cold, cold...but I made it, and had an awesome sense of accomplishment on my way home. Unfortunately, the madness that was my workday yesterday caught up with me soon after dinner, and I headed for my bed an hour early.

I'm learning...by trial and error...to listen to my body, especially where rest is concerned.  Too often I've been guilty of pushing my need for rest to the back of the line, to the detriment of my health, and I'm really trying to work on improving that. So...early to bed, it was.

Just as well...I had an early morning, considering I had to pack my stuff for our weekend trip before I left for work. My biggest concern today was making sure I got my walking in, since we'll be flying largely by the seat of our pants for the next few days, so I elected to use a couple of hours of leave so I could get my walk in before Keith picked me up, and we could get on the road earlier than originally planned. This also helped with the more rest goal, since earlier arrival = more sleep time.

So...we're off on my first true test since starting this journey...can I survive the weekend intact? So far, so good. We already have a date to go hiking with our daughter, Keith packed enough food for me to last three days, and although we did stop for dinner on the road, I ate a tossed green salad topped with grilled chicken flavorful enough not to need any dressing...so I think I may just be OK.

Negatives: my tree is still up. And I'm not sorry.

Positives: Preplanning, and amazing support from my hubz has me feeling successful already, and we're not even there yet.

To Tree or Not to Tree....

Yesterday, Keith called me at work and asked me if I wanted him to bring the boxes up from the basement to take our Christmas tree down.  This is a big deal for me, as I really, really love our tree.  I never expected to, mind...the older I've gotten, the more of a chore decorating for Christmas seems to have become.  But this tree....wow.  We got it from my in-laws during their downsizing, and I only put it up last year because of the grandkids.  The problem was that once I actually put it up, it was so gorgeous, and the little white lights on it gave such a warm, cheery glow to our little cabin, I wished that I had put it up much, much earlier, rather than waiting til the last minute, which is what I had done. 

The huge bonus to me was that now that I'm coming home from work after dark on these cold, harsh winter nights, as I come up my long, winding driveway, I can see the lights far off through the woods, welcoming me home.  I am loathe to give that up.

However....there comes a point sometime shortly after the first of the year, when I'm ready to resume normal life...and sadly, that means our beautiful, warm, glowing tree has to go.  I have reached that point, and was afraid that since we're going out of town this weekend, I would have to wait until next week to take it down.  That was certainly Keith's plan, so it kinda took me off guard when he called me yesterday, and of course, I said yes!

With my current schedule, that's kinda like loading two plates at a buffet....your eyes are bigger than your stomach.

I worked two hours over last night, then had to go by the store to pick up a new hair dryer on my way home, after which I had to do my workout Day Two, and eat dinner.  When in the hell was I gonna have time to get all that done AND take the tree down by 9pm??

Sadly, despite my resolve, the tree had to wait.  I DID get my workout done....VERY proud of that....and am happy to report that I am somehow STILL perfectly on track.  Today, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to work in my walk during my breaks so that when I leave tonight (early, btw...not working over), I'll be able to go straight home, take down the tree, and pack for our weekend trip.

Packing, by the way, also will be including all my food that I will need to be successful while I'm away from home.  This will be my first real challenge, but I'm sure that with Keith's help and some pre-planning, I'll be able to overcome this hurdle too.

Negatives:  Not enough time.  NEVER enough time.

Positives:  I prioritized and got the most important stuff done FIRST....me!

Tuesday, Tuesday...

Another day, another dollar.  Yesterday was rough in terms of work.  It started out with the alarm not going off, which meant that we had to jump up and go 90 to nothing to get me out the door as quickly as possible.  The good part was that I was only an hour late.  The bad part was that I was totally stressed out as the day began, and it only went downhill from there.  But the GREAT part was that even with all the madness, I was still (thanks in part to my amazing hubby) prepared for a successful day, which I had.

I did not walk yesterday, but I did do my workout Day One.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.  For some reason, there has been a barrier there whenever I even think of that part.  Maybe it's the getting up and down from the hard floor....as I get older, it gets less and less appealing.  Maybe it's trying to figure out how to logistically do the exercises with resistance bands that require anchoring at various points in a door....in a house which has...you guessed it...no doors. 

I wound up using the back door last night, and most likely, will continue to use that space, even though it's narrow and very constraining.  Maybe I can shift some stuff to make more room.  Most likely, that will by necessity be my space for the foreseeable future, until our renovations create a better place.  Definitely will be keeping that need in mind, for sure!

Negatives:  Being rushed to the point of rediculousness ALL FREAKING DAY, from the moment my eyes opened until about ten minutes before bedtime, when I was finally able to chill.

Positives: Still able to maintain my focus and stay on track, despite all the craziness.  I'd say that was a pretty big deal.

Rain and Overtime

Yesterday, as predicted, was interesting.  I had planned to work an hour over, but wound up working two.  I kept watching the weather, hoping for a break in the rain, and never got it, but when I went to leave, it was dusk, and still misting lightly.  At that point, I had three choices: 

1) Throw in the towel (no way!)
2) Head for the gym and the Dreaded Treadmill (ugh!)
3) Suck it up and brave the elements.

Option #3 won.  Yes, I got a bit clammy, but I took my umbrella, and when the spitting rain became a heavier mist, I just cranked it up and sloshed on.  I finished up after dark....not adviseable, but even cold and damp, it was infinitely preferable to the treadmill.  There HAS to be something wrong with that logic, but I swear, I can't find it!

The important thing is that I won.  And even though it's colder and wetter outside today, I'm really looking forward to braving the elements again, and getting my workout done.  I've already made a contingency plan to do my Day One workout tonight instead, but for some reason, I'm just not feeling it.  I know I need to do it, but my body's just craving the walk instead.  Considering that we're going to be hitting the road on Friday night for a weekend trip to the ATL, I guess that's not a bad thing...get it while I can.  Still...it is easier to get a walk in while out of town than it is to get a workout in...especially when you have to pack extra equipment and you're staying in someone else's house.  Maybe I should go ahead and workout tonight, after all.

Gotta love January weather.  To quote Forest Gump, that's all I've got to say about that. 

Negatives:  Definitely the weather...double ugh!

Positives: Perseverance, baby!

Monday, Monday...

Well, week one is in the books, and I feel satisfied that I am exactly where I thought I'd be at this point....about 7 and a half pounds down.  That's good for a first week, I think.  I could have pushed a little harder this weekend, but I elected to rest, instead.  My body's going through a big change right now...from lots of holiday excess to a very strict regimen of healthy fuel, plus a lot of added activity that it's not used to.  I won't lie...there have been quite a few times this past week that I've had the shakes, but I do think it's leveling out some.

This week, being the Dreaded Week Two, I plan on trying to step it up just a wee bit.  Not in my diet...it's doing just fine...but in my exercise.  I did not exercise this past weekend, so I'm going to try to do something all seven days this week.  My goal is not to lose, necessarily (although I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a loss next Monday), it is to keep my metabolism from trying to plateau this week as it tries to adjust to my new routine.  If I can do that, I believe it will set me up for good, steady success in the weeks to come.

I will have challenges this week that I didn't face last week, namely, a lot of overtime, and a lot of rain.  My plan is to stagger out my overtime so it affects my eating as little as possible, and to work in my workouts as well as I can during the day, whenever it's not raining, so I don't have to walk after dark (since I'm going to be leaving late every day).  And on the days that I still have walking left, I'll try to utilize the treadmills in the hospital gym to finish up.  They're boring, but effective, and right now, meeting my goal is the important thing.  Time enough to not be bored when the weather turns nice again.

Negatives for the weekend:  I would have liked to have done my workouts both days, but lack of energy won.  I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about it. 

Positives:  I do feel much better after two days of good rest.  I know my body needed it after such drastic changes last week, and I feel recharged for another successful week.  I've prepared for the day, so I know it will go well.

Onward and downward! :)

Tough Days

We all have them.  Some are always going to be worse than others.  Yesterday was really tough for me, probably the toughest work day I've had since I started this job.  Tough really didn't describe it; it was brutal.  And it did not stop all day.  I had a deadline I was crunching, which meant that I could not stop to walk, to take a break, to anything but run to the bathroom...literally....and back. 

I justified not walking at lunch by telling myself that I would walk after work, and it would also help to alleviate all the stress from my day before I went home (which was true).  But quitting time came, and I had to work two hours over, which put me leaving at twilight....and it was bitter cold outside.  So I decided that I would make yesterday my workout day #1, and I headed home, exhausted.  By the time I arrived, I was so exhausted, hungry, and out of steam, I wanted to throw in the towel.  I could hardly stand up.

Enter my loving and oh, so supportive husband.

A few days ago, a facebook friend posted a picture to her wall that I thought was incredibly profound.  It mirrored exactly her own personal journal over the past couple of years (which has made her one of my personal heroes), and it really resonated with me as well. So much so, in fact, that I printed it out and took it home to put on my fridge for inspiration. Here's the pic:

How can one picture capture so much feeling?

Anyway, last night when I told Keith I was throwing in the towel, he didn't say a word.....just walked over to the fridge, took down that pic, and showed it to me.

Damn.

How could I throw in the towel after that?  No, I didn't do my workout, and no, I didn't walk....but I did climb the stairs ten times....which almost killed me.  It was something, as opposed to nothing.  And I ended my day feeling like a success instead of a failure.  I'd call that a win.

Negatives:  Considering the circumstances I was in...I can't really think of any.  That's probably a good thing.

Positives: Perseverance. And the support I'm getting from my husband is incredible...and invaluable.  Last night, I really needed it, and he really came through for me.

There's a reason Phoenixes are associated with FIRE...

It's because they do not like cold weather. It's FREEZING this week, and I mean that literally.  Yesterday, I walked in 23 degree weather, doubly insulated, but still numb. Do. Not. Like.

Although my day was successful in all points (eating on track, all my fitness goals met), I did have a few things that I could have improved on.

Negatives:  The sub-freezing temps always bring a risk of our pipes freezing at home, and last night was no exception.  I had time when I got home to do all my prep work for today before I went to bed, and logic told me that's what I needed to do.  But Keith told me he would prep my food this morning while I was doing my normal routine, so I left it all to this morning and went to bed.  I did get a really good night's sleep in a warm and toasty bed, but this morning was a huge struggle with no water. So...lesson learned.  Stop procrastinating, and just get 'er dun next time.

Positives: Despite the frigid temps, I FREAKING DID IT. I just did it! I got out there and braved the cold that makes my bones ache, and I got my walking in, and I'm so proud of myself for that! And despite the frozen pipes this morning, we still managed to get me prepped for another successful day!  I'm doubly-insulated again, so I'm just not gonna think about the cold when I go walk today. ;-)

Holding Steady

Yesterday seems to have gone rather smoothly, but then I expected that it would, since I had prepared so well for success.  But it wasn't just me it went smoothly for...it seems like everyone had a successful day...and that's what group efforts are all about.  Even the one who struggled emotionally did much better than I would have under the same circumstances, and I'm just beaming with pride for us all.

Postives:  Being PREPARED.  Having my shizz together made a HUGE difference in my day. When I got home yesterday, I showed Keith how I prep my food, so he can help pre-cook all my stuff, and help me prep it on days when I'm running short on time. The support I'm getting from my OG girls is rivalled only by the support I'm getting from my hubby.

Negatives:  Only the cold.  I didn't bring my scarf and walking was freezing cold and miserable, but I made it through by dividing it in half and shivering a lot.  Today is supposed to be even colder and snowing to boot, so I made sure to wear my long johns and brought my scarf, too. More preparation...yay, me!

Now...on to another successful day.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles...

Well, we're off and running.  Everyone seems to have done a great job on day one, despite some hiccups.  Most of those were emotional, though, and it's those kinds of things that being in such a supportive group helps with.  We were all able to rally around the affected one and boost them up.  One day, it will be me that needs boosting, and I'm so very happy that I have friends with me on my journey this time!  Even though my road is much longer than theirs in terms of pounds, it doesn't mean that it will be any more or less difficult.  We all have struggles, and those struggles are very real.

Yesterday went pretty smoothly for me, despite not really being prepared to start my program.  I just did the best I could (which turned out pretty good), then met Keith after work to go shopping for the things I really needed to buckle down and do it right.  In bits and pieces, I managed to get all my walking in, which was awesome, since it's so cold out right now...and even a bit extra.  I also lined up my old walking buddy from last summer to start walking with me again on the days that work load and weather permit.

This morning, I got up, made my food for the day, packed it up and brought it to work.  Just getting that done...just knowing that I am prepared for this day has made a HUGE difference in my outlook, and I feel a successful day in my future.  I know that my food is right today, and since every meal is already proportioned out, it's a no-brainer.  And I know that at 11:30 today, I have a walking date with my buddy, Justin, which will give me 45 minutes of my hour, and I will do the last 15 minutes after work.

My goal is to start every day being this prepared for success.  I know there will be days that are not, but when the majority of your days are planned, there's no room for failure....and that feels pretty damned good.

New Year, New Beginning....This Time, With Friends!

Well, we're all off and running, just as planned. I'm very stoked right now, but I know that I will lose a bit of steam as I go.  Right now, my plan is to focus on keeping everyone else stoked, and pray that it will carry me through, as well.

This morning, I was pleasantly surprised, I must say.  The last time I stepped on the scale was the beginning of last week, and I had gotten up to 281.6...my biggest number ever, and the one I will NEVER see again.  This morning, in preparation for my fresh start, I stepped on the scale again, but this time, I was down to 277.1!  Somehow, over the past week, I've managed to pull off a couple of pounds.  Not from trying, mind...all that I could think of this past week was "eat it now, because Monday, it's OUT".

No...I think it's more likely because my poor body is SCREAMING at me to lose weight, and it's readier than my mind is, so ready, in fact, that it's gotten a jump start on this new year.

Louisville, KY OutlanderGathering
Taken Nov. 7,  2014

That's a good omen, I think.  I'm taking it as one, anyway...because I am SO ready to do this! 

Bad News, Good News...and Very Good News!

Well....I fell off the proverbial wagon again, but this time I had a lot of help, in the form of Plantar Fasciitis (Bad News).  Long story short...the pain in my feet was caused by tiny tears in the Achilles tendon, which wraps underneath the length of the foot.  Pretty much the result of too much weight, not enough stretching, and years of crappy shoes.

I walked through a lot of pain, but it finally became unbearable, so I went to the Dr., who put me on a diet of rest, good shoes, stretches, and meds, in that order.  He warned me that healing would be a slow process, and he was right.  But I *am* healing, and that's what's important. 

So yeah...I derailed again.  But I'm all better now, and ready to get 'er done! (Good News)

This time, though, I have help in the form of a big group of friends who are all In This Together (Very Good News). We have all linked up to MyFitnessPal to give each other support, and are planning to wage all-out war starting on January 5th.  We decided that starting any sooner with the holidays upon us would be a recipe for disaster.  I do understand that at some point I have to grow up and learn to deal with the holidays, but I also know that for all my walking knowledge, I still haven't learned how to crawl.

So....baby steps, here I come.  Again.

The important thing is not to give up....right?

One Decade Down...Nine To Go

I started this particular journey on May 27th, although I didn't have my phone that day, so I didn't actually start tracking anything online until a few days later.  According to www.myfitnesspal.com, I am now on a 41 day streak of logging in.  And this week, although I registered a 2.5 lb loss, I have hit my first major wall.

This week, I have had a serious struggle with my exercise.  Up until this week, it was very easy.  I was highly motivated, and looked forward to getting my hour in each day. But something happened on Sunday.  It was a turning point for me, somehow.  Sunday was the first day I made a DECISION not to exercise.

I justified it..or tried to...by saying that I 'deserved' a break, after so many days with a perfect score.
Warning bells began tolling furiously in my brain, but I did not heed them. After all...it was just one little day.  Surely it couldn't be THAT bad....

Could it?

I decided to compensate by upping my game this week, from one hour each day to four miles each day, since I've been averaging a little over 3 miles anyway.  I figured it was a natural progression.  But something happened when I did that....not sure what, but it was like a light switched on in my head and all of a sudden, my body/mind/spirit put on the brakes, big time.

All of a sudden, walking became a HUGE chore. One I did NOT want to do.  I battled on Monday...got two miles in (barely), swore I'd finish that afternoon....but made excuses (too many errands to run).  Tuesday, I got rained out during my afternoon walk, and only made about 2.7 miles. I could have done it that morning, and been done, but I procrastinated all day.  Wednesday, I got my four, but barely, and I really had to battle myself. 

Now it's Thursday, and I need to get up and go right now, but here I sit, wondering what the hell has happened....and for God's sake, why?

Oh, I recognize this, all right.  It happens at some point each and every time I start to get myself together, without fail.  Usually, it's the point where I slide completely off the wagon, and go back to my old ways, grumbling about ANOTHER failed attempt.

This time, it's just really pissing me off. WHY is this happening?  And what can I do about it, other than fight like hell and pray it passes?  Nothing, I guess.  This seems to be MUCH more a mental block than a physical one. If I could just understand what's going on in my head, I feel like I could get a better handle on getting through it.  But....*sigh*....I think it may just be different for every person, which means the answer must be, too.

Guess I'll go get my first mile in, now...and pray for motivation for the rest of the day.

Just Checkin' In....

So...I'm feeling pretty good about where I am right now.  No, I haven't 'blown the charts away' with my massive weight loss, but I've hit my goal, and to me that's MUCH more important.

No...my goal has nothing to do with my weight.  Does that surprise you? It surprised me.

My goal for the past month has been to log my calories faithfully every day, and to be active every day for an hour.  And I have hit my goal.  So far, I've logged my food every day since June 2nd, and I've gotten at LEAST an hour's exercise (mostly walking, but a lot of hiking, and even a little running, too) every day but ONE.  And I think that's pretty awesome.

My weight, by consequence, is creeping (and I do mean creeping) down.  Interestingly enough, I haven't really been focusing on that aspect of it, and it seems to be making my life so much easier.  My focus is to hit my daily goals, and by biting off that tiny bit each day, I'm making strides as a whole. 

Reports of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

I am ashamed to see that it has been almost a year since I've posted anything to this blog.  In that time, I must have started a new plan (or the same one), stopped, and started again over a dozen times...and still managed to gain back everything I'd lost and then some...achieving my highest weight ever, in the process.

270.  That's Two Hundred and Seventy Freaking Pounds.

OMG.

Having just celebrated my 51st birthday on Memorial Day, I spent the day contemplating this dilemma...how I've spent so many years doing the exact same thing...butting my head against an invisible brick wall, seemingly to no avail.  And all the while, chanting the mantra in my head that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again, but expecting different results.

What I haven't thought of, though....and what did occur to me that day (which I can only describe as a tiny breakthrough)...is where I would be today had I NOT started over again, and again, and again.  The answer to that riddle terrifies me to the core.  If our struggles help us to grow strong, maybe....just maybe....what keeps us going is not the start/completion of a goal, but our refusal to give in to the temptation to stop trying.

And consequently, I have decided that I will begin yet again....and tomorrow, I will do it over....and the day after that, and the day after that.  Each day will be a new beginning.  Instead of looking at each diet or fad as a new 'attempt', I will look at the day in front of me and make it the best day I can possibly make it.

So far, I have managed by this way of thinking (and with the help of two wonderful phone apps, myfitnesspal.com and endomondo.com)  to stay true to my goals for over a week, and miracle of miracles, shed 7.5 pounds in the process.

I'm not going to add undue pressure by trying to blog every day, as I have in the past.  Maybe I'll only check in occasionally, when I weigh in, or feel so inclined.  I don't know.  But I do know that right now, I'm feeling pretty guilt-free....and that feels pretty damned good.

Independence

This has been a good week, all things considered.  Very hectic...but good.  Monday and Tuesday, I was able to work out both days, with very good (but slightly scary) results:  my heart rate is still a small concern to me when I push myself, but I do know that a bit of pushing is necessary if I'm gonna build strength and stamina.  I feel fine when I do it...nothing out of the ordinary at all.  I just don't really like to see my heart rate climbing into the stratosphere now that I've turned 50.  It makes me uncomfortable.

Wednesday evening, my friend Tracy came in town to spend the weekend with us, so I knew that Wednesday through Sunday would be a bust.  That was ok, because I planned for it.  I know that this is not a derailment for me, it's a lifestyle, so tomorrow, I just get back on the treadmill after work, as usual, and I'll be back on schedule.  I'll also be weighing in in the morning, and I have to say that, although I don't expect a thing in the change department, it feels good to be getting back into a routine. 

It feels even better to not be weighed down by guilt because I didn't exercise every single day this week, or because I didn't eat perfectly.  A little goes a long way at this stage of the game, and I did make steps...not just on my short term goals, but also on my long-term independence from this God-awful addiction I have.  And that feels great.